well, today is the big oral surgery day! i have just a few minutes before i head out. i'm waiting for my ride (mom) to pick me up.

i was able to sleep in and just kinda lounge around before getting ready and packing up.

i have lots of loungwear, movies, an easy-read book, and the instruction manual for my new Sansa if i'm feeling awake and alert enough for that.

i'll post an update when i'm able. also, status updates on facebook of course. :)

thanks for your prayers and concerns.

Today:

• Snoozing my alarm
• Working out
• Amazed at the guy next to me running full speed on the treadmill while singing U2 (outloud)
• Home to shower & dress
• Vietnamese lunch with friends
• Shopping with Mom - UP Mall, Hobby Lobby
• Car accident
• Dinner & hanging out at my parents'
• Making preparations for Monday's surgery (the closer it gets, the more real it becomes, and the more scared I am)

Tomorrow:

• Brunch with a friend
• Church
• Work at home (Christmas cards, laundry, pickup, finding a place for all my Christmas gifts, etc.)
• Dinner/Hanukkah celebration at friends'
• Packing for a few days of being at Mom & Dad's
  
• Might try to squeeze in a quick trip to Target somewhere in there too

Weekends are great. Especially when they are book-ended by 3 and 4 days off from work, ha! I'm not going to want to go back EVER!!!

Sigh...

So, I was in a car accident today. NOT my fault. Without being able to draw you a picture, it's pretty difficult to explain how it all went down. Um, basically, this guy passed me to turn in front of me as I was turning. I don't know. Does that make any sense?

It was slow enough that the air bag didn't go off, and no one was hurt. Poor Lulu though. Front driver side is scraped up, and her blinker light is now busted. The other guy had more damage. Go, Lulu! She takes after her owner. Read this if you need a reminder.

So now I somehow need to deal with the repairs and coordinating all of that. Oh joy.

Monday - oral surgery, 3 wisdom teeth removed.
The first was removed a couple few years ago, and I was out of it for 3 days.
I'm trying to create a list of foods I'll be able to eat so that I can get them in advance.

• applesauce
• pudding
• soup
• ice cream
• yogurt
• jello

Let me know if you've got some suggestions! I'm, of course, terrified of this upcoming event.

I have been blessed to be a part of GCC for the past couple years. However, I have recently had a desire to be a part of a smaller (and closer) church.

I would still recommend GCC to many people, but I have found another body of believers to worship and serve with. I'm grateful for that.

Just wanted to throw that out there to make it official.

No need to call for a press conference though.

I was going to title this post "Snowed In" but realized that "ICED in" is more appropriate.

Holy cow, is this amazing. Highways are closed. Businesses are closed. The public transportation system is down. The news and weather people are telling everyone to just stay home.

I was planning on working out this morning, going to my parents' house for brunch, and then getting some After Christmas deals shopping with my mom. Ha! I'm not going anywhere!

I saw 2 vehicles on my road going about 2 mph with no control over their vehicles. Seriously, the first one was turning his steering wheel like crazy and not going anywhere.

It's just not worth it to go out right now.

On that note, I am REALLY tired of this weather. The only way I survive winter is with the occasional warm-up above 30 to melt the snow and ice on the ground. That may come tomorrow - along with wind, rain, and flooding! Grrr.

Things to Write About:

• winter weather and how sick of it I am
• Christmas shopping, baking, gift-wrapping, party-going, and celebrating
• working out
• Jon and Kate + 8
• Announcement
• Christmas letter
• Vietnamese food
• upcoming Oral Surgery
• Vacation from work

Will I actually write about any of these??

Saturday morning I woke up definitely sick. It's been progressing since then. I'm taking stuff, but it's not helping. The pill I took this morning is a 24 hour one, so I can't try anything else til tomorrow. Grrr.


Cough, sore throat, messed up voice (I'm definitely singing alto or below), runny nose, and watery eyes. It's hard to even keep my eyes open. I pretty much just go around squinting and trying not to fall over.

This morning, other than the sickness, I woke up very peaceful and content. I slept really well. And I didn't have to wake up early, to an alarm, or to work out. Triple yea!

I talked to a good friend, then visited my sibs and used their coffee grinder. Came back home to drink fabulous coffee and write my Christmas letter. It's the first time I've written one, and now I need to find some pictures to include with it.

I then mustered up the courage to hit Grape Road. The roads are still really bad from the recent snow & ice storm (and they're expecting more!), and of course they were filled with cars. So it took a long time to travel. I hit 4 stores in 1 plaza, only purchasing things at the first store. But it took care of 1 person's gift totally. And a big 1 for another couple. And I even treated myself to a little something for the apartment - aroma sticks, cinnamon scented oil, and a ceramic vase. I've been thinking of these for awhile, and it was 50% off. Yea!

I hurried home (ya know, at about 20mph) and changed clothes, then went over to Jen & Andy's for their Christmas Open House Party. It was very nice. Their place looked great, as always, and the food was wonderful too! Nice to visit with friends there as well!

Today is my parents' 33rd anniversary. My dad somehow knew exactly what my mom wanted to do to celebrate. Dinner Theatre at the Roundbarn seeing It's a Wonderful Life on stage. Awww, isn't that sweet?!

Well, even though I'm not feeling tired, I need to rest so I'll head to bed with a book, and no doubt I'll be out soon enough.

I still have to get a couple more small gifts for a couple more people. Sigh... And I was planning on buying light this year. What happened??

It's official: I'm sick.

I've been around a couple sickies recently.

This morning I woke up with just pure nastiness in my throat. All day my runny, drippy nose has been progressively getting worse. I've been coughing, and my throat hurts.

This is no good.

My nose is just sore now from all the wiping. Ouch!!! I am literally sitting here with a tissue shoved up my nose. I know you wanted to know that.

Last month you, my readers, asked me 10 questions. The first question was:

Of all the experiences in your life to date, which five, good or bad, would you never want to forget, and why?

At the time I answered, only four experiences came to mind - time with my Grandma, dorm life, my 2 months in Okinawa, and my 2 years in LA. They are all fond memories of things that I cannot experience again.

I have since thought of the 5th. When I was a flower girl in my brother and sister-in-law's wedding last year! It was a lifelong dream that I thought would never come true.

It truly was my shining moment!!!

Wow, I'm falling in love with this song by Michael Buble. Here's the song on YouTube and here are lyrics. You don't have to watch the video. Just listen and follow along with the lyrics. And think about how precious it would be to have someone dedicate this song to you. *Smile*

I'm pretty much floating tonight.

I spent 2 evenings this week at the South Bend Police Station. They hosted a Women's Self Defense class. As soon as I heard about it, I signed myself and my mom up. And I'm so glad I did.

I would highly recommend this to any and every woman. In fact, they will be offering 5 more classes, and I will let you know the details if I hear about them.

We learned a lot of great tips and techniques, and after the first day I already felt more confident and aware. After tonight's session, I'm more than ready to save myself should the need arise. We ended the last session with a real full-force attack. All of the practicing of moves had been done at a slow speed and a low force. Then the instructors suited up in protective gear so that we could fight back when they attacked us.

I did not realize how real that attack was going to be. I watched the first student volunteer and couldn't believe what I was seeing. Wow. The instructor/attacker was definitely fighting at 100%. It was scary.

I was the second to the last to go. I had no idea what moves he would use on me (just like with a real life attacker), but I remembered some of my basics ways to respond. I was nervous beforehand, but honestly, once the fighting started, the adrenaline took over, and I beat the crap out of this guy. It's such a confidence boost to realize that I was the winner, that I can fight back, that I can survive.

I had him pinned against the wall and got him right in the jewels. Repeatedly. He actually had to stop and give up. I hurt him that badly, and that was through the safe suit padding to protect him! And this is a big, highly trained police officer that we're talking about.

I learned so much from this class, most importantly the confidence in myself, seeing for real that I can do this.

For some reason I'm incredibly happy that I don't have to get up early to work out tomorrow.

I've decided to do the M, W, F workout. And I need that break in between.

This morning's workout was wearing on me. I was noticing this guy who I hadn't seen before (there are regulars of course). He was built, but not obnoxiously like a crazy muscle man. And he was working HARD. Like, you could see the struggle as he fought for it.

It suddenly dawned on me that I should be working hard as well. Losing weight is not easy. I have to fight for it! So I increased my speed and ended up with 2.3 miles instead of the usual 2.2.

Fear #1: Public Speaking
Fear Level: 5 (1-10 scale)

Monday started extra early with me going to a seminar for social studies educators. I went as a presenter, not as an attendee. So strange to be on the other side considering my degree. I spoke about what my organization has available as resources to the teachers and how we would like to assist them.

It went alright. I was the first speaker after a 15 minute break, so pretty much the whole time I was speaking, people continued to flow in. Unfortunately, I'm sure that will decrease the response we get. Poop.

I wish I would have had more notice about this so that I could have prepared more. I would have put together a power point presentation with pictures. Pictures are always good.

Oh well, I did what I could with little time.

Fear #2: The Dentist
Fear Level: 7.5

I have a great dentist. However, that still does nothing to diminish my fear and apprehension of going to the dentist. To add to the stress of the day, I had an appointment for a cleaning. I won't go into details, but any dental experience terrifies me. In addition to the cleaning, I had to get panoramic (?) x-rays in preparation for my oral surgery in 2 weeks.

I focused on deep breathing and other things, both mentally and physically. While he was working in my mouth I had to consciously think about how my toes felt in my socks or how my hand was resting on my thigh so that I wouldn't concentrate on everything going on in my mouth.

I also worked hard to think about other things. Good standbys are always traveling and entertaining - 2 things I love to think about!

Everything went well - no gagging, unlike the last time. And no cavities! He also said my wisdom teeth are at a good place and that the removal should be no problem at all, hooray!

Fear #3: Coordinating Big, Fancy Work Event
Fear Level: 3.5

I would probably use the word "stress" more so than "fear" for this event. The annual Holiday Open House, or HOH. It drew a crowd of about 125 this year. It's still kind of weird to realize that I was the main person behind the whole event.

The HOH requires no RSVP, so it's always a guessing game to plan the food and beverages. I took my homemade Snowflake Brownies & Winter Wonderland Bars - yum! Folks from our headquarters, including our President, came up from Indy. And people packed the house; actually, "mansion" would be the correct term.

Everyone had a great time, but I'm never able to actually enjoy these events. I actually sat with a plate of food and visited with friends for about 5 minutes. And then I had to go because I felt like a million people were looking for me and that I had a million things to do - the sign-in table, the food table, the drink table, the trash... AND mingling with people! Ugh.

Fear #4: Bat in my Apartment
Fear Level: 9.5

It was almost 10 when I got home. I was exhausted and more than ready to be out of my party dress and into my pajamas! I went straight to my bedroom, unzipped the dress and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. In the reflection of my mirror I saw something flying above my head. I immediately hit the ground. I mustered up enough courage to glance up to see one of my worst fears was happening; it was indeed a bat. My heart was pounding, and my body was tensing. I clung to the ground and made a mad dash for the door, slamming it behind me.

Zipping that dress back up, I knew where I was going - straight to my housemate! Fortunately, he was still up. Unfortunately, he also has a fear of bats, though, not nearly as bad as mine. He brought a shovel and a broom up with him. Surveying the situation from the doorway, with me hiding in the kitchen, he eventually decided he could try to slowly approach the bat (now hanging from my ceiling - seriously I am grossed out just writing those words) and then hit it hard enough with the shovel to at least knock it out for awhile. I had no better idea; I was almost in tears.

After missing the bat like 5 times, he finally got part of it. The bat was down but only for a few seconds and was then flying around like crazy again. Next, it attached itself to my curtain rod. My neighbor came up with a Plan B, but it would require me to be involved to get a large trash bag wrapped around the bat. I knew I couldn't get that close to it.

Out of options, Steve offered to be a barrier (with shovel in hand) between me and the bat while I got pj's, etc. out of the room. He also suggested I call Animal Control.

I tried my brother first but couldn't reach him. I called Animal Control and decided that the situation was indeed an emergency and called their after hours pager. I sat in my living room, trying to distract myself with facebook (of course I had to update my status about the bat!). 20 minutes later, Animal Control called me back and said they would send someone out - hooray!

45 minutes later, they showed up and had the bat removed in under a minute! It was making the nastiest noise, a noise I never knew a bat could make! It was severely pissed. Well, so was I. But glad to have it out of my house!

I slept in my guest bedroom after all that and now get to decontaminate my bedroom.

What a long, strange, stressful day. Wow, what a lot to go through in one day, huh!?

Holiday Open House is one of the year's top stressors for me. The first year was the worst, as I catered the entire event. Ha! Never again!

Last year was good.

This year is ... interesting. For some strange reason I volunteered to make some desserts. I am really hoping that the hosts aren't counting on me to provide ALL the desserts, because 24 Snowflake Brownies and 24 Winter Wonderland Bars are NOT going to feed 100 people!

What's really unique about this year is that I haven't a clue what the menu is. The hosts decided to take care of it themselves and haven't clued me in on what will be there, other than "cheese and crackers, relish tray, heavy hor d'euvres, etc. Which was exactly what I told them to get. No clue on the specifics there. Ok...

To top off tomorrow's events, I have a dentist appointment (as much as I LOVE my dentist, I always get so nervous for these) for cleaning and x-rays.

And... I just found out about this social studies teacher enrichment seminar all day tomorrow that I need to be at, and I think I will also be called on to give a presentation. So I've been preparing for that, and my mom and sister-in-law have been helping.

I woke up soooooo stressed I was at an 8.7 on a 1 to 10 scale. Going to church brought me down to like a 4 for awhile, which was really nice. But then when I realized it was after 3:00 and nothing had been accomplished, I spiked back up.

But we have accomplished a lot so far today. I still have to make the Winter Wonderland Bars and paint my toenails. Oh, and eat dinner. Yah, that kinda slipped away.

I have my dress all picked out and ready to go. I'll be sure to have a photo taken tomorrow to show you which one I chose! Or, if you're coming to the HOH, you'll see then! :)

So, tomorrow will be a busy busy day, beginning with an early workout.

5 weeks til I leave for California

16 days til oral surgery

12 days til Christmas

11 days until my Christmas vacation starts

2 days until the Holiday Open House

Argh, I'm trying to go back and "clean up" things on my Facebook. I'm deleting comments I just don't want to read. I'm deleting photos. And then I come to the notes. There's stuff in there that I don't want to be reminded of. But then there are other things that I don't want to lose the memory of. I'm not gonna go through each one and edit them.

Is there some kind of program where you can just search for a word and have it automatically deleted? From my blogs, my albums, my journal, my mind.

Now I start thinking about that movie. Oh what was the name of it? Kate Winslet & Jim Carrey in roles very uncharicteristic of them. Kirsten Dunst and Mark Ruffalo (whom I adore) with supporting roles. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! I really recommend viewing this and pondering the thoughts it will cause.

Ya know, of course there were good memories too. I guess it's all just marred by how everything turned out. As miserable as it was, and still is sometimes, I am grateful for it. God protected me and reminded me of what really matters, what I need, and what I deserve. Ultimately, I am blessed by how it all turned out. It's another example of how we think we know what's best, but God showed that He is the one who knows the best plans for my life. Thank you, Lord!

It's all about living and learning. Living and learning.

Monday is our big work event, the Holiday Open House, that I always dress up for.

Help me pick out a dress. I have a black sweater shrug (seen in pic 3) that I would wear with any sleeveless dress.

Without further adieu:

Dress #1

Dress #2 (even though you don't see much of it)

Dress #3

Dress #4

Let me know your thoughts!

1. Oh crap, I just remembered I volunteered to bake dessert for our Holiday Open House coming up this Monday. Why, oh why, did I decide to do such a crazy thing???

2. Things are suddenly really busy. I’m hoping I can somehow find time to squeeze in doing laundry!

3. I really really need a coffee grinder. Yes, it’s on my Christmas Wish List.

4. Oh, now I just found out I’m supposed to bring dessert or “heavy hors d’oeuvres” to the office Christmas party this Friday! Hmph!

5. Wouldn’t you think that I’d be warm enough sitting at my desk wearing pants, socks, shoes, blouse, cardigan sweater, and another sweater on my lap like a blanket along with a heater blowing at my feet? Yah, me too. Not the case. I can only wear so many layers before not being able to fit inside my winter coat! And then I go home and rip the layers off. It’s about 10 degrees warmer there.

6. I find it really troubling that the second ingredient in my light nonfat 100 calorie yogurt is high fructose corn syrup. What??

7. I hate conflict. I hate being stuck in the middle.

8. I’m trying to come up with little rewards for working out and losing weight – other than food related! Maybe a new t-shirt to work out in (all of mine are sooooo sloppy), new socks, new sports bra, etc.

9. This is pretty much how the days have been going lately: 1. It snows a lot. 2. It “warms up”, and the snow turns to slush on the grounds. 3. Then the slush freezes, and we are left with non-stop ice on the roads, sidewalks, and parking lots. Then it all starts again. NOT fun.

10. I have been having really WEIRD dreams lately. Every night it’s guaranteed to be something weird. Is it pointless to try to make sense of them?

11. The good thing about AM workouts is that I still have my entire day. Just minus a little sleep.

12. I don’t know how to justify taking time to go to the mall & get a pedicure. But Monday’s event will require a cocktail dress with which I will wear open toe heels. That’s how I justify the need for the pedicure. But at this point I’m still having a hard time justifying the time required for a trip over there.

What do you think about the label "Minus Fifty" or "Minus 50"?

Keep sending your suggestions for my new endeavor!!

Today was my first AM workout. 2.2 on the treadmill again. I went with Jen & Andy. It was nice to have friends around, but they take more time than I do. I was hoping I'd get home to have lots of extra time before having to leave for work. Not so much.

Questions for all you experienced runners: I got a bad side cramp today. That happens to me periodically when I am walking a lot. Anything I can do about it? Also afterwards my toes are hurting. Are my shoes too tight?? Am I walking incorrectly? Or do I just need to trim my toenails?

I don't think I sweated this much when I worked out at Curves.

Today I went to McDonalds for lunch and ordered a salad & apple slices. So proud of me!

But if I'm honest I'll mention that I couldn't say no to the chocolate chip cookies.

Of note: healthy eating is expensive. Has anybody else noticed this?

Tomorrow I'm getting up at 5:25 (oh dear) for my first AM workout. I'm meeting my workout cohorts, which will help I think.

I feel good so far. I like the fact that I have a plan and know what to do for that plan. Oh how I love making plans. :)

I want to know how I can go to sleep at 9:00 and sleep all the way til 7:00 and then STILL be tired and snooze until 8:00!

In 2007 I lost 80 pounds. In 2008 I gained 20. In 2009 I would like to lose 50, or at least be on my way to getting there.

Comparatively, the first part was the easiest. Then it just sorta plateaued. I'm kicking it back into gear now by rejoining the gym. Today was 2.2 miles on the treadmill. I'm focusing on just the treadmill for the first couple weeks. Then implementing some other things into it like an elliptical for a few weeks. Then a combination of cardio & weights.

Here's where you come in. I don't know if you've ever noticed the little tags or labels at the bottom of each post. For example, "Around the Bend" or "family" or "coffee" or "working out", etc. I need a new label for this specific goal. I need a name for this like "Jennifer Version 2.0" or "New Jennifer". But not those, because those are lame.

I plan on blogging about this because it helps me be more accountable, so I want to have the appropriate label for it. So, let me know your thoughts! Go!

My long time friends Mark and Jenny live just two hours away from me, right by Lansing, Michigan. Being so close, I am able to see them relatively often, and I am grateful for that.

Every time I go there I know I am in for a wonderful time, no matter what we do or don't do. It is a guaranteed good time, usually like my own little retreat.

Here's how the latest visit went:

Before I was even out of my car, 5 year old Noah was on the doorstep greeting me. He loves his Aunt Jennifer, and I was stunned to hear little 2 1/2 year old Ava now saying my name - "Dennifer"!

We visited and played and laughed, and then the adults headed out while the kids stayed home with a sitter. We met up with some friends for a great Italian dinner at this amazing local place called Cugino's or something like that. The atmosphere and food were both great! I had the Hawaiian Calzone, mmm!

We then went over to Mark and Jenny's church for a fabulous and hilarious improv comedy show! Jenny had organized the event and brought in a phenomical group called 321 Improv. I laughed so hard my stomach was hurting in under an hour. After the show, there was a wonderful dessert buffet set up for all to enjoy as we mingled with another.

Jenny stayed behind to schmooze with the improv team, as Mark and I went off on an adventure. We had a coupon for $20 towards anything at Kohl's. But it had to be used by the end of business that day! We ended up with these requirements for our game:

• $20
• 10 minutes
• get something we could all enjoy

Wow, this was tough. It was stressful and difficult, but, of course, still fun. We ended up needing a little over 20 minutes. Come on - I was wearing heeled boots. If I would have known in advance, I'd have brought my running shoes. We finally decided on 2 games. They had great sale prices, and we were able to get the game Trouble and a To-Go Disney version of Scene-It.

I know they will all enjoy those for a long time and will remember the fun adventure everytime they play with them.

Mark, Jenny, and I had a lot of good conversation Saturday night as we sat in front of the fireplace until about 1 AM.

Sunday I woke up and could hear the kids. I always love waking up to their voices. We all got ready for church and got to see Mark sing with the choir and Noah sing with the kids choir. Precious! After church we went to brunch (mmm!) at Sophia's, a place I've wanted to visit for awhile. The kids were crazy as we waited for our food. The food was great. I did a little shopping with Jenny, and then back at home, we all worked on a Gingerbread House (my first time)!

Next was nap time for pretty much everyone. Mark may have stayed awake playing Wii. I was snuggled up on the loveseat by the fireplace with a blanket and a cat keeping me warm. It was so peaceful. When I woke up the kids were already around, and they were happy to see me awake.

After a bit more chatting, I had to head home.

25 hours in Lansing. Always a great time!

Tomorrow is the first work-out at the new gym; I'm nervous!

I need to get a pedicure by December 15. Crap, that's only a week away!

I haven't slept in my bed in a couple weeks. But tonight I will. We'll see how it goes. Maybe it will help with the crazy dreams I've been having!

I always have a great time when I go to Mark & Jenny's in Lansing. It's like my own little retreat.

Yesterday's "Brunch @ Jennifer's" was another success.

I didn't know I was capable of making something so yummy as my Fruit Baked French Toast!

Meeting tomorrow that I'm not ready for.

Meeting Tuesday that I'm not ready for.

Excited about Tuesday evening & new friends.

Staff party in Indy Friday. I still need to get a white elephant gift. Ideas?

Will I ever be bold enough to sing karaoke in public? What song? I feel like I should always have one in my pocket, so to speak, just in case the situation arises.

I have learned that I'm not a fan of ebay. Let's just leave it at that.

All my Christmas decor is now finally up at my home, yea!

Went to a new Girls Night tonight. They were all wearing sweats. It was kind of weird. Had I known it was a sweatpants wearing sort of group, I probably would have joined in with the popular attire. I have 3 great sweatsuits to wear, and now is the time. 16 degrees, feels like 1. That's actually higher than most of the day has been. Today was a very frigid, painfully cold day.

Side note: all of the girls in this group are married. Do you think that has anything to do with the sweats?

Woke up early and pleasantly with no blaring alarm. Laid in bed. Got up, made coffee (decaf), washed dishes, picked up around the house, showered, got dressed & ready. Planned on being to work EARLY but had to wait 5-10 minutes for my wipers to thaw before I could drive.

Work

Ran errands, got to see Mom, baked pumpkin bread, baked chicken parm & severely scalded my right index finger. It still hurts.

Work

Picked up Brother, went over to his place, made paninis for dinner and (finally) watched the 24 movie from a couple weeks ago. Laughed, talked.

8:00, ran to Martin's to pick up some ingredients for this coming Brunch @ Jennifer's.

Home by 8:30, sort thru mail, etc. put away groceries, clean up. Allowing myself 20 min. on the computer. It's been 8 so far.

I'm going to bed early again - 3rd night this week. I love it. A great day.

Southwest Holiday Airline Deals: thumbs up

Dating: 1 thumb up, 1 thumb down

Having teeth pulled: thumbs down

Sneaking it in to the end of the year for insurance to cover it: thumbs up

Brunch: thumb up

Brunch @ Jennifer's: 2 thumbs up

Being involved & making a difference: thumbs up

A day with sunshine and temps up to 40 in the summer: thumbs down

A day with sunshine and temps up to 40 in the winter: thumbs up

Vacationing south during the winter: thumbs up

Trying new recipes: thumbs up

Trying new pills: thumbs down

Connecting with friends: thumbs up

Memories of how the Lord has blessed me: thumbs up

Sunset while I'm still at the office: thumbs down

Sunset while I'm exploring on my own outside of the office: thumbs up

Being invited & included: thumbs up

I have many thoughts going through my head.


Many thoughts.


About friendships, about men, about weddings, about time & distance, about marriage.


About dreams out of our control at night. And about dreams we dwell on throughout the day.


Things we think we want with all our hearts. And how that fades away when we see the reality.


Many thoughts.


Many feelings.


But they are not to be shared. Not now. Maybe never.


I'm censoring myself.

Wow, December is crazy busy. There are so many things going on that, in order to stay sane, I just have to say "no" to some of them.

Looking ahead I have meetings outside of the office Monday & Friday this week, and I'm trying hard to make arrangements for a Tuesday meeting as well.

Tuesday evening I'm going to Goshen for a middle school concert. I'm sure that will be interesting.

Friday evening I'm going to a Ladies Dinner & Game Night, woot woot!

Saturday - anybody want to come over for brunch? "Brunch @ Jennifer's" is my new thing. Then I'm going up to Lansing to my friends' place. We are going to see this improv comedy group, and I am excited! I'll stay over at their place and come back sometime Sunday.

The week after that, more meetings and events and a trip to Indy for our office Christmas Party!

I've finally decided which gym I'm joining. Now I need to just go do it! I'm looking forward to being active again and taking better care of my body.

The Tree:


Opening the box - a good first step!
Oh great, what are these??
It's party time with the Christmas tree!
Oh, I figured it out!
The "table" is ready.Making progress!
Spreading the branches
Putting on all the mini ornaments
Ta-da!
Tree & Me
It was the first tree I've put together myself. And, seriously, it only took like 40 minutes!

I am SO looking forward to family, food, and fun this long Thanksgiving Weekend! One of the things I like best about Thanksgiving is that it's pretty much a guaranteed 4 day weekend. Unless you work where my sister-in-law does, or J-La, or Lisha. But I've never had to work the day after Thanksgiving. In my opinion that's just plain wrong!

I am going to Chicago suburbs tomorrow (T-day) with "extended family." This means Jen's family. They are nice enough to invite me to family dinners, etc. so they offered this invitation to me as well. Then Friday will be dinner with the fam on the South Side. And also early morning shopping with my mom. I may regret it, but we'll see.

A friend surprised everyone by showing up in town unexpectedly for the holiday weekend, so we are doing brunch at my place Saturday. I'm so excited about it and may have to consider making it a regular event at my place. Hmmm...I do miss having people over on a regular basis.

Well, friends, please take some time to pause and consider all the blessings and bounty God has bestowed upon us. Remember to search for the positive hiding behind the negative. I believe it's always there, whether or not we see it.

Honestly, just thinking about everything I've gone through this past year, I tear up, filled with gratitude for all the Lord has taught me. And He's not done - thankfully. He's currently teaching me patience, and it's a hard one.

I know a lot of my friends are facing tough circumstances right now. I am grateful for you, and I continue to pray for you. May your spirit be amazingly filled with peace and gratitude, in spite of the challenges you face on a daily basis.

Love to all, and have a blessed Thanksgiving.

First up, this Friday, Willie Nelson is performing with Billy Bob Thorton at the Morris. Sounds like a strange event to me! For more info, www.morriscenter.org

Friday, Dec. 5th -

• Winter Exhibition Reception at South Bend Museum of Art , 5:00 - 7:30 p.m. Admission is free. Have a jolly great time at this exhibition reception for Dick Lehman's In Pursuit of Beauty: Microcosm and the Exquisite on view in the Art League Gallery and the SBMA Student/Faculty Exhibition in the Community Gallery. Complimentary refreshements served. There will be a one-of-a-kind holiday performance by jazz legend Martha Lorin (made possible by Lampkin Music Group). There is special exhibition fee to view Iconic America in the Warner Gallery, all other galleries are free. http://www.sbrma.org/events.html
• Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony 5:30 - 6:45 in front of the Morris. Children from the Starz Academy will perform and the artists who created the Holidays Greeting Cards will be recognized. Free cookies and hot chocolate will be served. This all leads up to the big event...Santa's arrival and the lighting of the giant Christmas Tree! Also participants are encouraged to bring food donations that are gathered by the Knights of Columbus to be given to St. Vincent de Paul Society. http://www.sbpark.org/special/holiday.htm

Saturday, December 6th -

• Breakfast with Santa, 8 - 9:30 http://www.sbpark.org/special/holiday.htm, $5
• Tea with Santa, 12 - 1 and 1:15 - 2:15 http://www.sbpark.org/special/holiday.htm, $5
• Holiday Art Walk 11 am - 5 pm. Free tour, includes Cushing Inn & Oliver Inn Bed and Breakfasts. http://www.circaartsgallery.com/HolidayArtWalk.html

Sunday, December 7th -

• Copshaholm Christmas Carol - Actors portray members of the Oliver family throughout the mansion $10, limited tickets available, 12:30 start time with tours leaving every 5 minutes until sold out. http://www.centerforhistory.org/Christmas_at_Copshaholm08.html
• South Bend Symphony Orchestra, Home for the Holidays, 3 pm at the Morris. Ticket prices vary. See http://www.morriscenter.org/calendar.html for more info.
• Skating with Santa, Howard Park Ice Rink, 4 - 6 pm, Rental available. Fee: 2 pet food items (to be donated to South Bend Animal Control) or $2.00 per person.

Also...

• South Bend Civic Theatre presents A Christmas Story based on the classic movie set in Indiana. Many shows between 11/28 & 12/20 http://www.sbct.org/
• ND's Dept. of Music presents Handel's Messiah 12/5 & 6, 8 pm $10, usually sells out. http://performingarts.nd.edu/index.php?page=detail&event=926
• ND's Band Concert 12/7 3 pm, free, but must reserve tickets in advance. http://performingarts.nd.edu/index.php?page=detail&event=884
• ND's Glee Club (always outstanding) Christmas Concert 12/13 6 & 8:30 pm http://performingarts.nd.edu/index.php?page=detail&event=923
• The Nutcracker Ballet at the Morris - 12/13 2 & 7 pm; 12/14 2 pm http://www.dtsbsantahouse.com/competition.htm
• Jim Brickman Holiday Concert at the Morris - 12/15 8 pm (Darnit, I have to work that evening!) http://www.dtsbsantahouse.com/competition.htm
• Santa's House & Workshop and Gingerbread Village @ the College Football Hall of Fame and by Chocolate Cafe. Free, free, free! See http://www.dtsbsantahouse.com/ for hours and more info. You can even participate in the Gingerbread Village Competition (must register by Nov. 30)! http://www.dtsbsantahouse.com/competition.htm

There is seriously so much more out there that I just can't cover it all, for example The SB Symphonic Choir at IUSB, the Vesper Chorale at Kern Road Mennonite Church, Kathy Mattea's Christmas at DeBartolo, Fernwood's Festival of Lights...

For you locals, I also recommend signing up for the emails from ArtsEverywhere.com. They list many local events, highlight the free ones, and even offer discounts to some of the events! Check it out, and don't be complaining that there's nothing to do in South Bend, yo!

Ok, seriously! It is 12:56 as I begin this. I'm all ready for bed, but I am wide awake.

I just realized what a great week this is gonna be!

• Monday - breakfast at Paul's - FUN!, frantic hard work in the office the rest of the morning, and then a meeting out of the office ALL afternoon! It will, no doubt, get out early, so I'll get to go home early and do fun things like dishes and laundry, weeeee! Then I'm going to this church volunteering thing that I'm really looking forward to.

• Tuesday - normal day at work (yawn) and then I'm going out for CAKE!!!

• Wednesday - hopefully early dismissal at work, then visiting with Renee and seeing Patrick!

• Thursday/Thanksgiving - most likely going to Chicago for a big family dinner with Jen's family

• Friday/Black Friday - for the last 10 years or so I have purposely avoided going out on this day. However, this year, I'm really in a Christmasy, shopping and saving mood, so I thought it would be appropriate. I can guarantee you, though, that I won't be feeling so great about it when I have to get up at like 5 AM! Later, going to my parents' for a big Thanksgiving dinner there. Oh, and at some point I need to make sweet yams and/or dessert for that. I forget.

• Saturday - I will watch ND get killed by one of the teams I most despise. And pretty much that's all on the agenda for now!

What are YOU excited about? What are YOU looking forward to?

1:05 - fortunately I'm starting to get sleepy. Goodnight!

I posted an album of photos from the weekend on my Facebook. If you don't have fb access, let me know, and I can email the album to you if you would like to see it!

Here are some teasers:

Thoughts during the American Music Awards

• You go, Christina Aguilera!
  
• Joey & Jordan are still the hotties in New Kids
• Watching NKOTB sing is weird and kinda creepy
• Oh, The Right Stuff - suddenly this is awesome!
• I really like listening to music!
• What?!? Scrubs is moving to ABC??
  
• What is Jimmy Kimmel talking about??
  
• Kanye West is weird.
• I'm really in the mood for banana bread!
  
• Aww, Queen Latifah! Love her!
• Hey, didn't I say I was gonna put up the Christmas tree tonight?
• ...And drink decaf coffee?
• My "breakfast for dinner" didn't fill me up so well - 1/2 egg, 1/2 piece of ham, 1 piece of toast, and 2 pieces of cantaloupe...
• I can't believe I'm listening to Myley Cyrus.
• I want to go to Chicago. I'm getting ansy. As much as I hate the winter, Chicago in the winter is pretty awesome!
• I see Jamie Fox and think of "Collateral"; I see Terrence Howard, and I think of Crash. What do either of those have to do with music?? I guess Terrance also did that "Hard for a Pimp" singing movie...
• Wow, Mariah Carey does have an amazing voice!!
  
• Go, Fray! or Go, The Fray!
• Kanye West again?
• These ladies have thighs! I don't even know who they are, but I love it! "If you like it then you should've put a ring on it" NICE!
• Ok, time to put away clothes.
• I might have to do some ironing. Ick.
• Cranberry oatmeal cookies and peppermint mocha decaf coffee? OK!
• Ooh, Justin Timberlake - I wish he was singing and dancing, not just presenting an award.
• Annie Lennox weirds me out, and her music annoys me.
• Oh dear, WHY is Rhianna wearing an eye patch???
• Wow, the first thank you that Daughtry proclaimed was to their WIVES back at home. That's awesome!
• Aww, Sarah Mclachlan!!
• Is Queen Latifah singing an ode to Obama??
• I'M a Super Woman! Girl Power! What a great way to close the show, wow!!
  
• Shoot, I did not do my "homework" this weekend!
• And I just remembered I'm starting the day with brunch at my co-worker's house. Is it really "brunch" when it's at 8:30 am?...
  

I LOVE this article!!

There are a lot of stupid baby names out there, in particular stupid celebrity baby names which grow up into stupid adult names. They are ridiculous and deserve to be made fun of.

The latest: good ol' Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz just named their baby boy Bronx Mowgli Wentz.
Do you think they received a stipend from BMW?

All I can do is ponder and rant. Just ponder and rant. Thank you for listening.

Another one. This happened a few weeks ago just before the huge home tour event we did in Beverly Shores.

I got a call from one of our members who had just read about the tour in a magazine or newspaper about 10 days before the tour. I could quickly tell that she was already upset because she “was surprised she didn’t get any information about the tour awhile ago.”

I countered with “Are you on our email listserv?”

“No, not email, because I don’t have a computer.”

Oh boy. This tells me enough.

So then I try to explain how I sent information to our members via email, but not … “snail mail” for lack of a better word.

She then says “Thanks for calling it that. I work for the US Postal Service.”

Oh dear.

I then try to laugh it off and be incredibly friendly to her, explaining how “paper mail” (?) would have to be sent through our headquarters and go through our marketing department.

At the end of the conversation, I say I will mail her tickets, a map, parking instructions and other information to her.

And the best part: She asked me, “Is it guaranteed to get here in time?”

I could NOT refrain from laughing out loud and saying, “YOU’RE asking ME?? Shouldn’t I be asking YOU that!”

My boss told me this one the other day:

His laptop (for whatever reason) won’t connect to a projector for giving presentations. We had a backup laptop that he would use for that and other various things. Something needed to be fixed on it, so he gave it to our IT guy at Headquarters.

It had been a couple weeks since IT guy had it, so my boss emailed to follow up. He doesn’t like the fact that we have no way to give a presentation, as that is something folks in our office do pretty often.

IT guy’s emailed response that my boss read to me: “I had a small emergency come up and had to loan your computer out to David Denman while I make repairs to his computer. It shouldn’t be too much longer.”

My boss’s response spoken to me: “I don’t even know where to begin in response to this. When making up excuses it might be good to check your facts, because #1: David Denman’s dead! He died about 3 years ago. Oops!”

I’ve mentioned before how I tend to do a lot of journaling on Sunday nights. Ever since grade school, I tend to get more contemplative on the eve of the dreaded return. Maybe it was always the time reality hit, and the guilt for procrastinating on homework all weekend started showing up.

As an adult, fortunately with no weekend homework (usually), Sunday evening has become a time to cherish – the last few moments of personal freedom. I actually don’t even like being out and about on a Sunday evening. I prefer to spend that time at home, quiet, pensive, and preparing mentally for the days ahead.

Not only do I have a time when all my thoughts pour forth. I also have a place.

Although I am a HUGE fan of supporting unique locally owned businesses, I sheepishly admit that my preferred place to write is at Starbucks. Not just any Starbucks mind you. It has to be the South Side Starbucks. Believe me – I’ve tried others. They just don’t work.

My South Side Starbucks is where I first began my novel. August, 2005 – a time of numerous adjustments. Moving back to my sort of “hometown”, moving back in with my parents, moving out of the house I grew up, planning on moving to Wilmington, North Carolina, visiting Wilmington, North Carolina, deciding to stay in Indiana, moving into my own place. Oh, and all with no job. So my free time was spent writing. Not just any writing though. This was novel writing. I was a part of a club of writers whose goal was to write a novel in a month.

Wait, did you catch that? Read it again. Yes, we were each writing our own novel in the time frame of one month. Some of us accomplished it and have done it again since. I, however, am still working on the original one. And I’m ok with that.

I joined the Writers Club again last month, and I knew exactly where the bulk of my writing would be done. Yep, when I need to get some serious creative juices flowing, I can be found at the South Side Starbucks.

Just not on a Sunday night, cuz I'm staying home.

For those of you who don’t know, I have a degree in Elementary Education. 5 years ago I decided I didn’t want to teach. 4 years ago I applied for a teaching position, went through an intense interview with a large panel of professionals, was not offered the position, and was grateful.

I just found out my Indiana Teachers License has expired. I found this out by simple online research due to my own curiosity. It was good for 5 years. I guess I would have expected the Licensing Board to notify me. Ya know, “Warning: Unless you do x, y, and z, your license will expire on xyz date.”

Why am I writing about this now?

For a project at my job I had to consult Indiana’s Academic Standards, and for some strange reason, it actually made me happy. I then started thinking about teaching and all the creativity that is involved with that – something I usually have to force out of myself. But something that my current job is sorely lacking. And I personally am missing it. The opportunity to be creative. To create. It’s a beautiful thing, and I miss it.

For the last few years every time I had to go into the Teachers Supply store I just about had a panic attack. But I’m curious to know how I would react going in there now…

1. Am I the only one who hasn't gotten the digital transformer thing yet for my TV?


2. This morning as I was snuggled up under all my blankets, the radio DJ said it was 15 degrees. 15 degrees!!! That's too cold.


3. I was also shocked to already be hearing school delays - apparently Northern Indiana's snow made national news.


4. Have you ever been given as assignment/task by a supervisor or authority figure that you ethically disagree with? This is my struggle.


5. I'm still trying to find the right venue for my 30th birthday bash. Any local suggestions??


6. How often do you replace the baking soda boxes in your fridge and freezer? Do you know how often they recommend doing it?

7. How much fun will it be going out with friends tonight when all I can order is water???


8. I plan to take my car in for some repairs. Do I go all out hog wild and get everything fixed? Battery, "check engine" light, airbag light, seat belt clip thingy, door handle, brake lights. That's a lot of things to be fixed. What can I afford? Shoot, she also needs an oil change and a deep clean.


9. I think gift cards are the greatest!


10. When I excel in a particular area (IE planning events), it's really really really hard for me to wait and allow someone else to step up and do it. Waiting, waiting, waiting...

48 hours on BRAT only! I keep seeing food commercials on TV (and even hearing them on the radio the two minutes that I'm in the car) that are slightly torturous. Pizza, pasta, hot chocolate...

I'm going to eat a pear this evening, and that is very exciting for me! Do bad it's not a pizza.

I've been feeling better today. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers.

I've been hard core BRAT only foods for about 28 hours now. I really want pizza. But honestly it hasn't been that bad - yet. Good for me - I like bananas. The rice is yummy. The bread is too. And the applesauce is like dessert! And I've been feeling a lot better today!

I talked to my deitician friend Carolyn tonight (shout out!) and got some more advice from her. The plan is to stay on the bland BRAT to give my body a break for awhile and let it kinda reset. After while I will try introducing one new fruit (she suggested pears) and later one vegetable (she suggested squash). How perfect that those are two of the things I picked up from the Farmers Market last week!

We also talked about lactose intolerance and some possible ways to manage that.

I'm very grateful to have a dietician for a friend!

I told her on the phone tonight how I had been wanting to get back on a healthy eating plan, and this pretty much forced me to do it! So, it's somehow managed to be a blessing!

So, I have managed to avoid talking about this for awhile, but I can no longer refrain.

I have been sick for about 3 weeks now - upset stomach, digestive problems, and . . . I'll spare you the details, but lots of trips to the bathroom (there's that TMI). And don't forget last week's throwing up! This from someone who hadn't thrown up in 5+ years!

I've kinda just put up with it. Until now, that is. I have tried adjusting my diet, cutting out a LOT of things, adding healthy things, reducing portions, etc. and I'm not seeing any results. I'm VERY tired of it and discouraged right now. I'm feeling miserable, and I'm just exhausted from dealing with this.

I decided to try to focus on the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast). However, a couple days into it, I realized I probably screwed up again, as I was consuming the healthy versions of rice and bread - brown rice, and whole grain, whole wheat bread (I learned that on South Beach). So I just went out to the store again tonight and bought the crappiest, cheapest white bread I could find along with white rice. And I'm eliminating all other additives such as margarine, cinnamon, splenda, etc. I'm still debating if I will add yogurt (an alternative is the BRATTY diet including tea and yogurt).

I'm just tired of this.

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. I'm hoping I can make it til then.

Ok, hardcore BRAT only diet started tonight. My goal is at least 24 hours, preferably 48. And then we'll see if there's any change. I'd appreciate your prayers. This is hard for me.

If you've been following my blog for awhile, you know of my coffee dilemmas.

Well, today my coffee is pretty much perfect. Why?

1. Freshly, thoroughly cleaned pot and coffee maker (yah, I did the extreme clean and made my whole house smell of vinegar).

2. The finest organic coffee beans from the Farmers Market.

3. Freshly ground last night at Jen & Andy’s (ok, a coffee grinder is definitely going on my Christmas Wish List!).

4. And with splenda and my new peppermint mocha creamer that I’m so excited about!

It all adds up to a nice travel mug of liquid perfection.

And, this is my 300th post! Crazy, huh?!

Four come to mind right now - time with my Grandma, dorm life, my 2 months in Okinawa, and my 2 years in LA. They are all fond memories of things that I cannot experience again.

















Maybe just a lottery ticket numbers or something. ;)

6. Who is your favorite fictional character and why?

I always liked Anne of Green Gables; I'm not sure why I bonded with her.

7. What will your children be named? (one girl and one boy) :)

I don't normally tell these to just anybody, but since you asked... I like Ella Joy and Joshua Benjamin or Benjamin Joshua along with a whole bunch of others!

8. What is your perfect job?

Something where I get to interact with people and help them.

9. If you could be a virtuoso on any instrument, what would it be?

I could play the recorder for one semester in college; that is the extent of my musical instrument experience. I've always thought it would be neat to play piano and guitar.

10. What do you most hope someone asks you? Or, what would you most like to blog about?

By the time I got this question, I was just hoping someone would ask me something easy. I would like to blog about a certain four letter word. Let's just call it cake. Cake has four letters. Cake is good. Hopefully I'll be talking about cake in the future. I know my fingers are crossed! :)

Thank you all so much for participating in the fun! If you'd like to play again sometime, be thinking of your questions so you're ready when I throw it out there!

We observed the strange atmosphere and the strange people there and watched some fox news on the local tv's. The burrito was huge - way bigger than I was expecting.
It took me awhile to eat the thing, and when I was down to one bite left, I suddenly felt very full and very sick. I just wanted to get home.

2 minutes later I had to put the car windows down for fresh air. Another 2 minutes later I pulled into the gas station off Grape Rd. knowing I couldn't even make it in to the bathrooms. I got out of my car and puked in the gas station parking lot.