When my brother married Jen, not only did I gain the sister I always wanted, but I also gained a whole extended family.

Their family has welcomed us all warmly and considers us as family.

We celebrate holidays together.  I think the only Christmas not spent with them was when we were in Jamaica on our honeymoon.

My favorite holiday tradition is that we all go caroling on Christmas day to a local nursing home.  Jen's mom Gloria plays the accordion, and we all make a joyful noise proclaiming the Savior's birth.  We wear Santa hats, ring bells, and bless the residents and staff.

Christmas 2009

But this year was different.

Gloria's dad, who I know as "Grandpa Virgil", went to be with Jesus on Christmas day.

It's been an emotional last few days.  And while I don't want to step on toes of Grandpa Virgil's true relatives, it has hurt like a loss of my own grandparent.

Virgil was the last person who I could refer to as Grandpa; my only other passed away long ago when I was in junior high school.  Losing Grandpa Virgil brought up memories of losing my other grandparents.  That hurt never goes away completely.  Losing another just brings it to the forefront of my mind.

After Grandpa heard I got engaged, he had another ring to give me.

Grandpa Virgil was always there with a smile and a story and a joke.

He danced at our wedding reception.

He traveled Europe at age 80.

He rode in a go-kart at age 88.

He never missed a chance to have fun.

He is a person who truly lived life.  Not just sitting on the sidelines watching.

He also never missed a chance to talk about Jesus and the importance of a relationship with the Lord in life.

Grandpa celebrating at my 30th birthday party

Over the last few days, there have been a lot of stories told, memories shared, and tears shed.  Today was a final memorial service.  It was a beautiful time honoring Grandpa Virgil and celebrating that He is with Jesus now.  And oh what a wonderful time they are having together.  As soon as I heard the news of his passing, though sadness filled my being and tears filled my eyes, I could still smile.  I could truly picture Grandpa Virgil in heaven, rejoicing and celebrating our Savior's birth with the One of honor.

We will miss you, Grandpa!

I keep opening all these tabs on my computer with articles like

• How to Simplify Christmas
• Christmas Traditions
• Simplifying Christmas Traditions 
• What You Really Need this Christmas
• What You Don't Need this Christmas
• How to Simplify Your Kids' Christmas
• Clutter-Free Gifts for this Christmas
• Creating a Meaningful Christmas

And in the process I'm cluttering up my computer screen, my mind, my feeling of having more on that blasted To Do list; I've gotta read all these articles now and implement them into our lives - quickly, like last month!  And figure out what to do when some of the different articles by different authors contradict each other.  Gah!  Hello, stress!

And, for the love of Martha Steweart, WHAT do people mean when they say, "Are you ready for Christmas?"

Clearly I will NEVER be ready!

And then I got to thinking...

What if I stop trying to do all these things that other people keep telling me I have to do?

(And most of these people are people who I don't even know in real life!)

Oh, the freedom.
Oh, the release.

Letting go of somebody else's expectations.

Letting go of my own expectations.

My daughter is four.  She doesn't have any expectations honestly!  This is the first year she's shown interest in anticipation of Christmas.  She doesn't care how many different goodies we bake (or if we bake any!).  She doesn't care about the number of gifts she gets or what kind of gifts she gets (although, she would probably enjoy it more if it's more than just clothes.  Even I remember not getting too excited about clothes at Christmas time!).  She doesn't care about making sure we have traditions.  She barely knows about Santa, let alone an Elf on the Shelf (thank goodness, because I am NOT about to do that thing!).

What if, instead of planning what events we fill our family's schedule with for Christmas Eve, we instead spent time with our each other and off our screens?

What if we made memories as a family, instead of being jealous of others' families posted on Instagram?

What if we looked at our loved ones' faces, rather than at Facebook?

What if we just relax and be, instead of plan and do?

If I say the focus of Christmas is celebrating Christ's coming to earth, do I show I believe it by what I do?  Or am I making our culture's traditions and expectations the priority of this season?

You can add this blog post to your own To Do list - another article telling you what to do or not do this Christmas.  Or you can be encouraged by it and contemplate your own priorities and expectations and choose to focus on what really matters.

Within just a couple of months I have gone from mocking desks to wanting my own.

What?  Who mocks desks??

...sheepishly raising hand...

It was not that long ago that I said, "Who needs a desk?!?  Anything you'd do at a desk you can just do at a kitchen table."  I basically felt like desks were pointless.

And now I'm actually contemplating turning our guest room into my office.

Because this:

Yikes

Oh the horror.  I can't believe I just shared that with you.

That is my makeshift wannabe office.  And, clearly, it's not working well.

It's in our living room.  In the middle of our living.  Surrounded by toys.  And clutter.  And life.  And distractions.  The physical clutter causes mental clutter.  And I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

I long for a space that is mine.

I long for peace.
Quiet.
Stillness.
Calm.

A clean slate and a clean space.
To create.
To focus.
To work.

I blame The Nester.  I just finished her book.  Her motto is "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful."  Her words and methods are inspiring me to change things up in my home.  I got her book from the library, but I wouldn't mind actually owning a copy to use as a resource.  I'm a fan of being able to underline, circle, and star things in books.  I guess that's the little bit of creativity in me.

Maybe it will go on my Christmas Wish List.

Feeling giddy and full of love and happiness at this moment.  Even though we are a household of sickies - coughs and colds, we have much to be thankful for.

So glad for our extended family nearby.

For extended in-laws who invite us into their family and into their home.  To share their food and their family traditions.

For singing and Christmas caroling.

For Christmas lights and Christmas trees.  Ornaments that Catherine helped put on the tree this year.

For this angel of ours who got to participate in her first Christmas pageant:


For generosity and unexpected gifts in the mail.

For Christmas cards - the ones we send and the ones we receive.  Even the ones where we don't even know the sender.  Ha!

For Christmas Break and times of rest and extra sleep.

For coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and other beverages to keep us warm and toasty.

For unexpected warmer temps and even a bit of sunshine this week.

For celebrating the holiday three days in a row with three sets of family.

For the kick I get when people ask Catherine if Santa is bringing her lots of presents, and she has no idea what they're talking about.  Santa WHO??

For fun, family Christmas movies we can watch together - Charlie Brown and White Christmas this year.

For almost escaping the holiday season without hearing "Christmas Shoes" - so close!!

For anticipating a trip to IKEA and goodies to bring home to make our house homier.

This makes me happy.

I promised myself (and hubby) I'd go to bed early-ish tonight, but darnit, I am a night owl!  No wonder I'm Very Sleepy Girl.

As a follow-up to my last post, and something a little more light-hearted, here are some fun pics from our family photo session this past weekend:

Yes, we will bribe our daughter to behave during photo shoots.

I see a tummy!

Hair check!

Catherine did a great job, and it was a treat for her to hang out with our friend's dog too.

I spent hours last night creating the Family Photo Christmas Card Montage, and I am pleased with the end result.  Now I just have to wait for the order to arrive at our front door!

Isn't there some great quote about good intentions and plans?

Well, life doesn't always go as planned.

I'm sure we've all learned that by now.
In one way or another.

I shared about it before, but it was never our plan that Catherine would be our only child.


I don't want to offend or hurt others with sensitive topics, but at the same time, I want to write my thoughts.  So, if you are sensitive to the subjects of having children, only children, conceiving, pregnancy, or infertility and don't want to read or think about such things, feel free to skip this post.

I've started writing this post a few times in my head but never actually on the laptop.

Or the blog.
Where others can see it.

But I'm all about keeping it real lately.  I am encouraged when others do, so maybe my risk of vulnerability will be in some small way an encouragement to someone who needs it.

For the last few years I've created a grand Christmas card/letter/photo montage.

Yes, even when I was single.

I know the idea of doing such a thing is sometimes mocked, but I think it's great.  I'm always happy to get something like that from others in the mail and to keep up with friends from far away.  I also enjoy documenting a review of the year - maybe since my memory is so bad!

There may have been one year in there right after Catherine was born where it didn't happen because it was just too crazy of a time adjusting to life with a newborn, but I'm not sure (See:  I told you I had a bad memory).

For the last two years we've hired a photographer to take Family Photos for the purpose of including them in the annual Christmas card/letter/photo montage.

2012

2013

This year, however, I've just kept putting it off and putting it off and finding one excuse after another and finally having to accept the fact that Family Photos just might not happen this year.

And do you know why I haven't been so eager to make it happen?

Because this isn't the family I thought I would have this year.

Whoa.  I just wrote that.

Please please don't hear me saying that I'm not grateful for the family I have.  I am incredibly grateful for this family that God has put together.


But when I think about poses and I compare our family to other Family Pictures (it's quite hard to find families of three where the child isn't a baby), and then I find the families with a multitude of children. . .

It feels as if there should be another member to our family.

Oh man, this sounds ridiculous when I put it out there.  I know we have been blessed with our child, and I know there are those who would be happy with "just" one.  I am happy.

But it's been a process.  An adjustment.  And a letting go of my desires and my expectations (there's that word again) and my wants and the comparisons of others.

(Go ahead.  Insert the Frozen theme song here.)

And I guess I'm learning to do that.  To let go.

Because guess what:

It looks like we're actually getting Family Pictures taken this weekend.  Pray for me.  Pray for us.  Heck, pray for our photographer as he has to deal with us!

So, that's step one.

Step two will be actually choosing a photo to represent our family.

Step three will be ordering the photo cards and sharing them with our friends and family across the states.

And saying:  This is our family.  Our family of three.  That I am so blessed to have.  And so grateful for.  And I'm not going to love them any less if we are not blessed with more.

May I have that contentment.  May I have that peace.  May I have that joy.

Because this is so true:  "Comparison is the thief of joy."  - Theodore Roosevelt

I want to celebrate the crazy, silly family that we are.  Even if it doesn't look how we thought it would.  It it truly something to be thankful for!

I say I like to bake.  But why is it I keep procrastinating when I am required to bake something?

Tonight is a neighborhood cookie exchange.  This was somehow MY idea; I'm still trying to figure that one out.  I've never participated in a cookie exchange before so we'll see how it flies.

Last night I pulled out three potential recipes.  Today I browsed through the pantry and realized I can eliminate one of the three.  We're not going to the grocery store before baking, so we're stuck with whatever ingredients we have on hand.

Hmmm, I'm thinking we're gonna go with Fluffer Nutter Oatmeal Cookies because they look better than the other option.  They don't really scream "Christmas Cookie", do they?...

I'll be doing lots more baking in a couple days for the 2nd Annual Ladies Christmas Baking Day.  Here are pictures from last year's baking day with my daughter, mother-in-law, mom, niece, and sister-in-law:









Little Girl has changed SO much in a year!  Can't wait to see how she and her cousin get into it this year!

I'm just gonna say it:

I HATE WINTER.

I swear every year is worse than the last.  I hate it, hate it, hate it.

We have had uber cold temps - especially for December!  The other morning I called the "time & temp", and it said "-5".  Did you hear that, people?!?  NEGATIVE FIVE!!!!!  And we had to go out in it!

Then today we got dumped on by snow ALL day.  I mean, we woke up to it, and it just kept coming and coming.  Again, the perfect sort of day to just stay home, right?

But we had places to go and people to see.  It was a full day for our schedule.

I had to venture out first for a neighborhood board meeting (oh yes, I'm now on our neighborhood board).

We later attended a "Gotcha Party" to celebrate our friends adopting a daughter.

Our third event of the day - a Christmas Open House - got postponed because of the awful roads/weather.  So instead we made a Target run and then treated ourselves to Hacienda.  Yum!

Catherine, our lovely now two year old, cut our dinner short by behaving like a two year old, and on the way home, I said to Josh, "I don't know if it's even worth it to go out anymore."

I wasn't saying this because of the weather.  I was saying this because we end up so exhausted from dealing with her antics that it's making me ponder just staying home.

I really don't have anything important to say.  I just realized it had been a long time since I'd posted, and the last post was such a downer that I thought I'd post something random and lighthearted.

Oh, poor Catherine every so often has problems pooping.  We have yet to pinpoint the cause, but sometimes she gets pretty constipated and then when she tries pooping (still in a diaper, BTW) she just cries, poor girl.  I talk to her all the time, so recently I started trying to explain to her that it hurts because she's constipated.  I thought it might help her understand part of it if I named/defined the problem.

So now when she's trying to poop - which isn't just in the comfort of a bathroom, mind you, but out in public - she cries and yells "I'M CONSTIPATED!!"

Poor girl, but funny.  I can't help but chuckle.  It's just funny to hear that shouted from a two year old.

So, going back to the Christmas Open House I mentioned...  I am SO excited for this party!!  Fortunately, instead of just canceling it, it was postponed to tomorrow evening.  I should really lower my expectations so that I don't set the bar too high and then feel letdown.  But, seriously, I am pumped!  The hosts are new friends from our church, and it sounds like they love to entertain as much as I do.  Anticipating this event is making me remember how much I used to frequent parties, and realize how much I miss attending and hosting parties!!

I've done a football themed birthday party for Josh the last two years, so I think I'm going to make that an annual thing - maybe move it up a bit to hopefully get nicer weather so the party can expand outside if desired or needed.  We don't have a TON of space indoors, so I like the thought of being able to expand onto the back deck, the front porch, and the back yard.

Football shaped brownies (not as easy as I expected them to be) on a football field platter

Veggies, dip, and hummus in my football shaped bowl

I think this diamond partyware is the first set of fun partyware that I got.

I loved getting to use that condiment holder - 1st time!

This was definitely one of the smallest spreads I've done at a party; I was trying to scale back so I wouldn't get too stressed and overwhelmed.

Catherine in her Notre Dame jersey helping Daddy blow out the birthday cake candles

This shows a perfect example of someone practicing our family tradition of cutting your own piece of cake - however you like it!

My nephew in his ND jersey

My niece and daughter have often worn matching ND dresses this year - how fun!

 I didn't intend to turn this into a party post, but oh well.  Hopefully I'll be able to post sometime soon about Catherine's 2nd birthday party.

27.  christmas music

28.  cinnamon rolls & mocha flavored coffee

29.  little girl napping

30.  mom here to keep me company

Ahhhh...  I think my 30 days of gratitude is suddenly complete.

{As a follow up to my last post Just A Day}

loving Christmas Break
having Josh home
taking care of Catherine
i'm getting spoiled

he lets me go back to bad
it's almost like sleeping in

sissy & he set up the crib
and decorated the nursery

i enjoy a cup of coffee (re-heated three times)
and a piece of cake

with hopeful plans to go out this evening

and the sun shined brightly all day

today was one of those days

Christmas decorating, Christmas shopping, Christmas cards, Christmas baking, Christmas tree, Christmas stockings... Sad that thinking of so many Christmas related things causes extreme stress in my life.

Every year I tell myself it will be different.

Even this year with a severe scale back of gift giving (hallelujah), I'm still feeling overwhelmed.

It makes me sad to think of not having a Christmas tree this year. But I'm overwhelmed by the mere pondering of, "Should we buy an artificial tree?" If it wasn't a $200 investment, maybe it wouldn't be as overwhelming. Do we get a real one? Do we buy a fake one if we'll be getting a real one next year? Realistically, is anyone even gonna have the time and energy to put up any dang tree this year?!

We have stockings for Josh & I. But, of course, none for baby. Do we get her one that doesn't go with ours? Do we get 3 new coordinating ones? What about for future Christmases with potential future children and their stockings?

I want to get an ornament for our daughter. My parents got ornaments for my brother and I every Christmas. In fact, they still do. I'd like to do the same for our girl. How many stores do I have to traipse out to to find the perfect ornament for her? Because last I knew, I don't really go out to stores - or anywhere - anymore.

I know without a doubt I'm not doing any baking. I can't even muster up the energy to make myself a sandwich these days.

I've done Christmas cards and a Christmas letter for the last several years. I really want to do one this year, but I'm feeling overwhelmed (there's that word again) by the thought of it all. We sent 51 letters/cards/pictures last year. Half of the recipients see and hear it all on facebook. Do the other half even care to get such things? And then there's the Baby Announcement...

Can I stop yet?