well, today is the big oral surgery day! i have just a few minutes before i head out. i'm waiting for my ride (mom) to pick me up.

i was able to sleep in and just kinda lounge around before getting ready and packing up.

i have lots of loungwear, movies, an easy-read book, and the instruction manual for my new Sansa if i'm feeling awake and alert enough for that.

i'll post an update when i'm able. also, status updates on facebook of course. :)

thanks for your prayers and concerns.

Today:

• Snoozing my alarm
• Working out
• Amazed at the guy next to me running full speed on the treadmill while singing U2 (outloud)
• Home to shower & dress
• Vietnamese lunch with friends
• Shopping with Mom - UP Mall, Hobby Lobby
• Car accident
• Dinner & hanging out at my parents'
• Making preparations for Monday's surgery (the closer it gets, the more real it becomes, and the more scared I am)

Tomorrow:

• Brunch with a friend
• Church
• Work at home (Christmas cards, laundry, pickup, finding a place for all my Christmas gifts, etc.)
• Dinner/Hanukkah celebration at friends'
• Packing for a few days of being at Mom & Dad's
  
• Might try to squeeze in a quick trip to Target somewhere in there too

Weekends are great. Especially when they are book-ended by 3 and 4 days off from work, ha! I'm not going to want to go back EVER!!!

Sigh...

So, I was in a car accident today. NOT my fault. Without being able to draw you a picture, it's pretty difficult to explain how it all went down. Um, basically, this guy passed me to turn in front of me as I was turning. I don't know. Does that make any sense?

It was slow enough that the air bag didn't go off, and no one was hurt. Poor Lulu though. Front driver side is scraped up, and her blinker light is now busted. The other guy had more damage. Go, Lulu! She takes after her owner. Read this if you need a reminder.

So now I somehow need to deal with the repairs and coordinating all of that. Oh joy.

Monday - oral surgery, 3 wisdom teeth removed.
The first was removed a couple few years ago, and I was out of it for 3 days.
I'm trying to create a list of foods I'll be able to eat so that I can get them in advance.

• applesauce
• pudding
• soup
• ice cream
• yogurt
• jello

Let me know if you've got some suggestions! I'm, of course, terrified of this upcoming event.

I have been blessed to be a part of GCC for the past couple years. However, I have recently had a desire to be a part of a smaller (and closer) church.

I would still recommend GCC to many people, but I have found another body of believers to worship and serve with. I'm grateful for that.

Just wanted to throw that out there to make it official.

No need to call for a press conference though.

I was going to title this post "Snowed In" but realized that "ICED in" is more appropriate.

Holy cow, is this amazing. Highways are closed. Businesses are closed. The public transportation system is down. The news and weather people are telling everyone to just stay home.

I was planning on working out this morning, going to my parents' house for brunch, and then getting some After Christmas deals shopping with my mom. Ha! I'm not going anywhere!

I saw 2 vehicles on my road going about 2 mph with no control over their vehicles. Seriously, the first one was turning his steering wheel like crazy and not going anywhere.

It's just not worth it to go out right now.

On that note, I am REALLY tired of this weather. The only way I survive winter is with the occasional warm-up above 30 to melt the snow and ice on the ground. That may come tomorrow - along with wind, rain, and flooding! Grrr.

Things to Write About:

• winter weather and how sick of it I am
• Christmas shopping, baking, gift-wrapping, party-going, and celebrating
• working out
• Jon and Kate + 8
• Announcement
• Christmas letter
• Vietnamese food
• upcoming Oral Surgery
• Vacation from work

Will I actually write about any of these??

Saturday morning I woke up definitely sick. It's been progressing since then. I'm taking stuff, but it's not helping. The pill I took this morning is a 24 hour one, so I can't try anything else til tomorrow. Grrr.


Cough, sore throat, messed up voice (I'm definitely singing alto or below), runny nose, and watery eyes. It's hard to even keep my eyes open. I pretty much just go around squinting and trying not to fall over.

This morning, other than the sickness, I woke up very peaceful and content. I slept really well. And I didn't have to wake up early, to an alarm, or to work out. Triple yea!

I talked to a good friend, then visited my sibs and used their coffee grinder. Came back home to drink fabulous coffee and write my Christmas letter. It's the first time I've written one, and now I need to find some pictures to include with it.

I then mustered up the courage to hit Grape Road. The roads are still really bad from the recent snow & ice storm (and they're expecting more!), and of course they were filled with cars. So it took a long time to travel. I hit 4 stores in 1 plaza, only purchasing things at the first store. But it took care of 1 person's gift totally. And a big 1 for another couple. And I even treated myself to a little something for the apartment - aroma sticks, cinnamon scented oil, and a ceramic vase. I've been thinking of these for awhile, and it was 50% off. Yea!

I hurried home (ya know, at about 20mph) and changed clothes, then went over to Jen & Andy's for their Christmas Open House Party. It was very nice. Their place looked great, as always, and the food was wonderful too! Nice to visit with friends there as well!

Today is my parents' 33rd anniversary. My dad somehow knew exactly what my mom wanted to do to celebrate. Dinner Theatre at the Roundbarn seeing It's a Wonderful Life on stage. Awww, isn't that sweet?!

Well, even though I'm not feeling tired, I need to rest so I'll head to bed with a book, and no doubt I'll be out soon enough.

I still have to get a couple more small gifts for a couple more people. Sigh... And I was planning on buying light this year. What happened??

It's official: I'm sick.

I've been around a couple sickies recently.

This morning I woke up with just pure nastiness in my throat. All day my runny, drippy nose has been progressively getting worse. I've been coughing, and my throat hurts.

This is no good.

My nose is just sore now from all the wiping. Ouch!!! I am literally sitting here with a tissue shoved up my nose. I know you wanted to know that.

Last month you, my readers, asked me 10 questions. The first question was:

Of all the experiences in your life to date, which five, good or bad, would you never want to forget, and why?

At the time I answered, only four experiences came to mind - time with my Grandma, dorm life, my 2 months in Okinawa, and my 2 years in LA. They are all fond memories of things that I cannot experience again.

I have since thought of the 5th. When I was a flower girl in my brother and sister-in-law's wedding last year! It was a lifelong dream that I thought would never come true.

It truly was my shining moment!!!

Wow, I'm falling in love with this song by Michael Buble. Here's the song on YouTube and here are lyrics. You don't have to watch the video. Just listen and follow along with the lyrics. And think about how precious it would be to have someone dedicate this song to you. *Smile*

I'm pretty much floating tonight.

I spent 2 evenings this week at the South Bend Police Station. They hosted a Women's Self Defense class. As soon as I heard about it, I signed myself and my mom up. And I'm so glad I did.

I would highly recommend this to any and every woman. In fact, they will be offering 5 more classes, and I will let you know the details if I hear about them.

We learned a lot of great tips and techniques, and after the first day I already felt more confident and aware. After tonight's session, I'm more than ready to save myself should the need arise. We ended the last session with a real full-force attack. All of the practicing of moves had been done at a slow speed and a low force. Then the instructors suited up in protective gear so that we could fight back when they attacked us.

I did not realize how real that attack was going to be. I watched the first student volunteer and couldn't believe what I was seeing. Wow. The instructor/attacker was definitely fighting at 100%. It was scary.

I was the second to the last to go. I had no idea what moves he would use on me (just like with a real life attacker), but I remembered some of my basics ways to respond. I was nervous beforehand, but honestly, once the fighting started, the adrenaline took over, and I beat the crap out of this guy. It's such a confidence boost to realize that I was the winner, that I can fight back, that I can survive.

I had him pinned against the wall and got him right in the jewels. Repeatedly. He actually had to stop and give up. I hurt him that badly, and that was through the safe suit padding to protect him! And this is a big, highly trained police officer that we're talking about.

I learned so much from this class, most importantly the confidence in myself, seeing for real that I can do this.

For some reason I'm incredibly happy that I don't have to get up early to work out tomorrow.

I've decided to do the M, W, F workout. And I need that break in between.

This morning's workout was wearing on me. I was noticing this guy who I hadn't seen before (there are regulars of course). He was built, but not obnoxiously like a crazy muscle man. And he was working HARD. Like, you could see the struggle as he fought for it.

It suddenly dawned on me that I should be working hard as well. Losing weight is not easy. I have to fight for it! So I increased my speed and ended up with 2.3 miles instead of the usual 2.2.

Fear #1: Public Speaking
Fear Level: 5 (1-10 scale)

Monday started extra early with me going to a seminar for social studies educators. I went as a presenter, not as an attendee. So strange to be on the other side considering my degree. I spoke about what my organization has available as resources to the teachers and how we would like to assist them.

It went alright. I was the first speaker after a 15 minute break, so pretty much the whole time I was speaking, people continued to flow in. Unfortunately, I'm sure that will decrease the response we get. Poop.

I wish I would have had more notice about this so that I could have prepared more. I would have put together a power point presentation with pictures. Pictures are always good.

Oh well, I did what I could with little time.

Fear #2: The Dentist
Fear Level: 7.5

I have a great dentist. However, that still does nothing to diminish my fear and apprehension of going to the dentist. To add to the stress of the day, I had an appointment for a cleaning. I won't go into details, but any dental experience terrifies me. In addition to the cleaning, I had to get panoramic (?) x-rays in preparation for my oral surgery in 2 weeks.

I focused on deep breathing and other things, both mentally and physically. While he was working in my mouth I had to consciously think about how my toes felt in my socks or how my hand was resting on my thigh so that I wouldn't concentrate on everything going on in my mouth.

I also worked hard to think about other things. Good standbys are always traveling and entertaining - 2 things I love to think about!

Everything went well - no gagging, unlike the last time. And no cavities! He also said my wisdom teeth are at a good place and that the removal should be no problem at all, hooray!

Fear #3: Coordinating Big, Fancy Work Event
Fear Level: 3.5

I would probably use the word "stress" more so than "fear" for this event. The annual Holiday Open House, or HOH. It drew a crowd of about 125 this year. It's still kind of weird to realize that I was the main person behind the whole event.

The HOH requires no RSVP, so it's always a guessing game to plan the food and beverages. I took my homemade Snowflake Brownies & Winter Wonderland Bars - yum! Folks from our headquarters, including our President, came up from Indy. And people packed the house; actually, "mansion" would be the correct term.

Everyone had a great time, but I'm never able to actually enjoy these events. I actually sat with a plate of food and visited with friends for about 5 minutes. And then I had to go because I felt like a million people were looking for me and that I had a million things to do - the sign-in table, the food table, the drink table, the trash... AND mingling with people! Ugh.

Fear #4: Bat in my Apartment
Fear Level: 9.5

It was almost 10 when I got home. I was exhausted and more than ready to be out of my party dress and into my pajamas! I went straight to my bedroom, unzipped the dress and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. In the reflection of my mirror I saw something flying above my head. I immediately hit the ground. I mustered up enough courage to glance up to see one of my worst fears was happening; it was indeed a bat. My heart was pounding, and my body was tensing. I clung to the ground and made a mad dash for the door, slamming it behind me.

Zipping that dress back up, I knew where I was going - straight to my housemate! Fortunately, he was still up. Unfortunately, he also has a fear of bats, though, not nearly as bad as mine. He brought a shovel and a broom up with him. Surveying the situation from the doorway, with me hiding in the kitchen, he eventually decided he could try to slowly approach the bat (now hanging from my ceiling - seriously I am grossed out just writing those words) and then hit it hard enough with the shovel to at least knock it out for awhile. I had no better idea; I was almost in tears.

After missing the bat like 5 times, he finally got part of it. The bat was down but only for a few seconds and was then flying around like crazy again. Next, it attached itself to my curtain rod. My neighbor came up with a Plan B, but it would require me to be involved to get a large trash bag wrapped around the bat. I knew I couldn't get that close to it.

Out of options, Steve offered to be a barrier (with shovel in hand) between me and the bat while I got pj's, etc. out of the room. He also suggested I call Animal Control.

I tried my brother first but couldn't reach him. I called Animal Control and decided that the situation was indeed an emergency and called their after hours pager. I sat in my living room, trying to distract myself with facebook (of course I had to update my status about the bat!). 20 minutes later, Animal Control called me back and said they would send someone out - hooray!

45 minutes later, they showed up and had the bat removed in under a minute! It was making the nastiest noise, a noise I never knew a bat could make! It was severely pissed. Well, so was I. But glad to have it out of my house!

I slept in my guest bedroom after all that and now get to decontaminate my bedroom.

What a long, strange, stressful day. Wow, what a lot to go through in one day, huh!?

Holiday Open House is one of the year's top stressors for me. The first year was the worst, as I catered the entire event. Ha! Never again!

Last year was good.

This year is ... interesting. For some strange reason I volunteered to make some desserts. I am really hoping that the hosts aren't counting on me to provide ALL the desserts, because 24 Snowflake Brownies and 24 Winter Wonderland Bars are NOT going to feed 100 people!

What's really unique about this year is that I haven't a clue what the menu is. The hosts decided to take care of it themselves and haven't clued me in on what will be there, other than "cheese and crackers, relish tray, heavy hor d'euvres, etc. Which was exactly what I told them to get. No clue on the specifics there. Ok...

To top off tomorrow's events, I have a dentist appointment (as much as I LOVE my dentist, I always get so nervous for these) for cleaning and x-rays.

And... I just found out about this social studies teacher enrichment seminar all day tomorrow that I need to be at, and I think I will also be called on to give a presentation. So I've been preparing for that, and my mom and sister-in-law have been helping.

I woke up soooooo stressed I was at an 8.7 on a 1 to 10 scale. Going to church brought me down to like a 4 for awhile, which was really nice. But then when I realized it was after 3:00 and nothing had been accomplished, I spiked back up.

But we have accomplished a lot so far today. I still have to make the Winter Wonderland Bars and paint my toenails. Oh, and eat dinner. Yah, that kinda slipped away.

I have my dress all picked out and ready to go. I'll be sure to have a photo taken tomorrow to show you which one I chose! Or, if you're coming to the HOH, you'll see then! :)

So, tomorrow will be a busy busy day, beginning with an early workout.

5 weeks til I leave for California

16 days til oral surgery

12 days til Christmas

11 days until my Christmas vacation starts

2 days until the Holiday Open House

Argh, I'm trying to go back and "clean up" things on my Facebook. I'm deleting comments I just don't want to read. I'm deleting photos. And then I come to the notes. There's stuff in there that I don't want to be reminded of. But then there are other things that I don't want to lose the memory of. I'm not gonna go through each one and edit them.

Is there some kind of program where you can just search for a word and have it automatically deleted? From my blogs, my albums, my journal, my mind.

Now I start thinking about that movie. Oh what was the name of it? Kate Winslet & Jim Carrey in roles very uncharicteristic of them. Kirsten Dunst and Mark Ruffalo (whom I adore) with supporting roles. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! I really recommend viewing this and pondering the thoughts it will cause.

Ya know, of course there were good memories too. I guess it's all just marred by how everything turned out. As miserable as it was, and still is sometimes, I am grateful for it. God protected me and reminded me of what really matters, what I need, and what I deserve. Ultimately, I am blessed by how it all turned out. It's another example of how we think we know what's best, but God showed that He is the one who knows the best plans for my life. Thank you, Lord!

It's all about living and learning. Living and learning.

Monday is our big work event, the Holiday Open House, that I always dress up for.

Help me pick out a dress. I have a black sweater shrug (seen in pic 3) that I would wear with any sleeveless dress.

Without further adieu:

Dress #1

Dress #2 (even though you don't see much of it)

Dress #3

Dress #4

Let me know your thoughts!

1. Oh crap, I just remembered I volunteered to bake dessert for our Holiday Open House coming up this Monday. Why, oh why, did I decide to do such a crazy thing???

2. Things are suddenly really busy. I’m hoping I can somehow find time to squeeze in doing laundry!

3. I really really need a coffee grinder. Yes, it’s on my Christmas Wish List.

4. Oh, now I just found out I’m supposed to bring dessert or “heavy hors d’oeuvres” to the office Christmas party this Friday! Hmph!

5. Wouldn’t you think that I’d be warm enough sitting at my desk wearing pants, socks, shoes, blouse, cardigan sweater, and another sweater on my lap like a blanket along with a heater blowing at my feet? Yah, me too. Not the case. I can only wear so many layers before not being able to fit inside my winter coat! And then I go home and rip the layers off. It’s about 10 degrees warmer there.

6. I find it really troubling that the second ingredient in my light nonfat 100 calorie yogurt is high fructose corn syrup. What??

7. I hate conflict. I hate being stuck in the middle.

8. I’m trying to come up with little rewards for working out and losing weight – other than food related! Maybe a new t-shirt to work out in (all of mine are sooooo sloppy), new socks, new sports bra, etc.

9. This is pretty much how the days have been going lately: 1. It snows a lot. 2. It “warms up”, and the snow turns to slush on the grounds. 3. Then the slush freezes, and we are left with non-stop ice on the roads, sidewalks, and parking lots. Then it all starts again. NOT fun.

10. I have been having really WEIRD dreams lately. Every night it’s guaranteed to be something weird. Is it pointless to try to make sense of them?

11. The good thing about AM workouts is that I still have my entire day. Just minus a little sleep.

12. I don’t know how to justify taking time to go to the mall & get a pedicure. But Monday’s event will require a cocktail dress with which I will wear open toe heels. That’s how I justify the need for the pedicure. But at this point I’m still having a hard time justifying the time required for a trip over there.

What do you think about the label "Minus Fifty" or "Minus 50"?

Keep sending your suggestions for my new endeavor!!

Today was my first AM workout. 2.2 on the treadmill again. I went with Jen & Andy. It was nice to have friends around, but they take more time than I do. I was hoping I'd get home to have lots of extra time before having to leave for work. Not so much.

Questions for all you experienced runners: I got a bad side cramp today. That happens to me periodically when I am walking a lot. Anything I can do about it? Also afterwards my toes are hurting. Are my shoes too tight?? Am I walking incorrectly? Or do I just need to trim my toenails?

I don't think I sweated this much when I worked out at Curves.

Today I went to McDonalds for lunch and ordered a salad & apple slices. So proud of me!

But if I'm honest I'll mention that I couldn't say no to the chocolate chip cookies.

Of note: healthy eating is expensive. Has anybody else noticed this?

Tomorrow I'm getting up at 5:25 (oh dear) for my first AM workout. I'm meeting my workout cohorts, which will help I think.

I feel good so far. I like the fact that I have a plan and know what to do for that plan. Oh how I love making plans. :)

I want to know how I can go to sleep at 9:00 and sleep all the way til 7:00 and then STILL be tired and snooze until 8:00!

In 2007 I lost 80 pounds. In 2008 I gained 20. In 2009 I would like to lose 50, or at least be on my way to getting there.

Comparatively, the first part was the easiest. Then it just sorta plateaued. I'm kicking it back into gear now by rejoining the gym. Today was 2.2 miles on the treadmill. I'm focusing on just the treadmill for the first couple weeks. Then implementing some other things into it like an elliptical for a few weeks. Then a combination of cardio & weights.

Here's where you come in. I don't know if you've ever noticed the little tags or labels at the bottom of each post. For example, "Around the Bend" or "family" or "coffee" or "working out", etc. I need a new label for this specific goal. I need a name for this like "Jennifer Version 2.0" or "New Jennifer". But not those, because those are lame.

I plan on blogging about this because it helps me be more accountable, so I want to have the appropriate label for it. So, let me know your thoughts! Go!

My long time friends Mark and Jenny live just two hours away from me, right by Lansing, Michigan. Being so close, I am able to see them relatively often, and I am grateful for that.

Every time I go there I know I am in for a wonderful time, no matter what we do or don't do. It is a guaranteed good time, usually like my own little retreat.

Here's how the latest visit went:

Before I was even out of my car, 5 year old Noah was on the doorstep greeting me. He loves his Aunt Jennifer, and I was stunned to hear little 2 1/2 year old Ava now saying my name - "Dennifer"!

We visited and played and laughed, and then the adults headed out while the kids stayed home with a sitter. We met up with some friends for a great Italian dinner at this amazing local place called Cugino's or something like that. The atmosphere and food were both great! I had the Hawaiian Calzone, mmm!

We then went over to Mark and Jenny's church for a fabulous and hilarious improv comedy show! Jenny had organized the event and brought in a phenomical group called 321 Improv. I laughed so hard my stomach was hurting in under an hour. After the show, there was a wonderful dessert buffet set up for all to enjoy as we mingled with another.

Jenny stayed behind to schmooze with the improv team, as Mark and I went off on an adventure. We had a coupon for $20 towards anything at Kohl's. But it had to be used by the end of business that day! We ended up with these requirements for our game:

• $20
• 10 minutes
• get something we could all enjoy

Wow, this was tough. It was stressful and difficult, but, of course, still fun. We ended up needing a little over 20 minutes. Come on - I was wearing heeled boots. If I would have known in advance, I'd have brought my running shoes. We finally decided on 2 games. They had great sale prices, and we were able to get the game Trouble and a To-Go Disney version of Scene-It.

I know they will all enjoy those for a long time and will remember the fun adventure everytime they play with them.

Mark, Jenny, and I had a lot of good conversation Saturday night as we sat in front of the fireplace until about 1 AM.

Sunday I woke up and could hear the kids. I always love waking up to their voices. We all got ready for church and got to see Mark sing with the choir and Noah sing with the kids choir. Precious! After church we went to brunch (mmm!) at Sophia's, a place I've wanted to visit for awhile. The kids were crazy as we waited for our food. The food was great. I did a little shopping with Jenny, and then back at home, we all worked on a Gingerbread House (my first time)!

Next was nap time for pretty much everyone. Mark may have stayed awake playing Wii. I was snuggled up on the loveseat by the fireplace with a blanket and a cat keeping me warm. It was so peaceful. When I woke up the kids were already around, and they were happy to see me awake.

After a bit more chatting, I had to head home.

25 hours in Lansing. Always a great time!

Tomorrow is the first work-out at the new gym; I'm nervous!

I need to get a pedicure by December 15. Crap, that's only a week away!

I haven't slept in my bed in a couple weeks. But tonight I will. We'll see how it goes. Maybe it will help with the crazy dreams I've been having!

I always have a great time when I go to Mark & Jenny's in Lansing. It's like my own little retreat.

Yesterday's "Brunch @ Jennifer's" was another success.

I didn't know I was capable of making something so yummy as my Fruit Baked French Toast!

Meeting tomorrow that I'm not ready for.

Meeting Tuesday that I'm not ready for.

Excited about Tuesday evening & new friends.

Staff party in Indy Friday. I still need to get a white elephant gift. Ideas?

Will I ever be bold enough to sing karaoke in public? What song? I feel like I should always have one in my pocket, so to speak, just in case the situation arises.

I have learned that I'm not a fan of ebay. Let's just leave it at that.

All my Christmas decor is now finally up at my home, yea!

Went to a new Girls Night tonight. They were all wearing sweats. It was kind of weird. Had I known it was a sweatpants wearing sort of group, I probably would have joined in with the popular attire. I have 3 great sweatsuits to wear, and now is the time. 16 degrees, feels like 1. That's actually higher than most of the day has been. Today was a very frigid, painfully cold day.

Side note: all of the girls in this group are married. Do you think that has anything to do with the sweats?

Woke up early and pleasantly with no blaring alarm. Laid in bed. Got up, made coffee (decaf), washed dishes, picked up around the house, showered, got dressed & ready. Planned on being to work EARLY but had to wait 5-10 minutes for my wipers to thaw before I could drive.

Work

Ran errands, got to see Mom, baked pumpkin bread, baked chicken parm & severely scalded my right index finger. It still hurts.

Work

Picked up Brother, went over to his place, made paninis for dinner and (finally) watched the 24 movie from a couple weeks ago. Laughed, talked.

8:00, ran to Martin's to pick up some ingredients for this coming Brunch @ Jennifer's.

Home by 8:30, sort thru mail, etc. put away groceries, clean up. Allowing myself 20 min. on the computer. It's been 8 so far.

I'm going to bed early again - 3rd night this week. I love it. A great day.

Southwest Holiday Airline Deals: thumbs up

Dating: 1 thumb up, 1 thumb down

Having teeth pulled: thumbs down

Sneaking it in to the end of the year for insurance to cover it: thumbs up

Brunch: thumb up

Brunch @ Jennifer's: 2 thumbs up

Being involved & making a difference: thumbs up

A day with sunshine and temps up to 40 in the summer: thumbs down

A day with sunshine and temps up to 40 in the winter: thumbs up

Vacationing south during the winter: thumbs up

Trying new recipes: thumbs up

Trying new pills: thumbs down

Connecting with friends: thumbs up

Memories of how the Lord has blessed me: thumbs up

Sunset while I'm still at the office: thumbs down

Sunset while I'm exploring on my own outside of the office: thumbs up

Being invited & included: thumbs up

I have many thoughts going through my head.


Many thoughts.


About friendships, about men, about weddings, about time & distance, about marriage.


About dreams out of our control at night. And about dreams we dwell on throughout the day.


Things we think we want with all our hearts. And how that fades away when we see the reality.


Many thoughts.


Many feelings.


But they are not to be shared. Not now. Maybe never.


I'm censoring myself.