I can't even tell you the number of times I have opened my laptop, opened up a new tab (in addition to the about 144 already open) to this blog, and tried to write.

There are so many things that stop me.  Fill in the blank with a number of excuses...

• I don't have enough time.
• I don't have enough to say.
• I don't have enough inspiration.
• I have too much to say.
• I have nothing "important" to say.
• I don't have enough focus.  Oh, the distractions, all the distractions.

But I'm getting past the excuses right now and forcing myself to post today - even if it's not that good.

Sometimes "good enough" is ok.

Sometimes "good enough" is enough.

I know my last post got a lot of attention (it's now the most read post on my blog), and I think I feel some unwanted pressure now to make the next post IE this post something just as noteworthy and dramatic.  But that's just not how I'm feeling right now.

How am I feeling?

Well, I've been feeling "off" lately.

We just returned from another massive road trip (if you follow my Facebook or Instagram page, you already know these details, right?).  It was long.  And good.

9 states in 9 days.  Slept in 7 of those states.  3,441 miles later we returned home

And it's been so hard to adjust to being back.  Back to normal life.

But getting back into the routine of pre-school and my mama's group is helping.

Josh is in his super busy season where he's doing eleven and a half hour days.  I'm having to come up with lots of things to do to get through the days.  Fortunately, this season doesn't last much longer.

We were recipients of amazing hospitality from friends as we traveled in Iowa, Nebraska, and Montana.  I got to spend a lot of time reading too, which I have only recently started really enjoying.

The Fringe Hours by Jessica Turner
Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist
And It Was Beautiful by Kara Tippetts

The trip itself was rather last-minute, and I realized in the midst of it just how unprepared we were, but I'm so glad we did it.  Gotta take advantage of the Spring Break perk Hubby gets as a teacher!

We saw some beautiful parts of our country (as well as some really boring parts, to be honest), and it was fun to see Catherine experience it.  She was 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 for our previous trips and didn't really remember them.  We all started off a little rocky, but I was impressed by how well she did.  Some times she was even content just to sit there - with no entertainment of books or toys or games!



Until the next adventure!

I am a reluctant entertainer.

I always like the idea of being hospitable.
Inviting people over.
Hosting people in our home.

When we moved to The Old Yellow Farmhouse I had grand expectations of how we would use our home to welcome people in.

But I always had - and still have - a handful of excuses that prevent me from inviting people over often.

Inviting someone into your home is like inviting someone into a deeper part of your life.  Not just the parts you proudly share on social media, but also the messy parts that typically aren't exposed.

The part I'm not supposed to show

It's revealing.
It's vulnerable.
It's nerve-wracking.

But tomorrow we're doing it.

We're having guests over for dinner.

Of course I'm feeling all last minute frantic and insecure.  So, what do I do?  I decide the pillows and throw on the grey couch need to go on the green couch, and the pillows and throw on the green couch need to go on the grey couch.

For crying out loud, the kitchen table STILL has a toy cash register on it, but I'm swapping out decorative pillows.  UGH!

Now mind you, I can't make the house too clean.  I read once somewhere that the nicest thing you can do when you invite a friend over is to not clean your house.  I guess the thinking is that if your house is messier than hers, she'll feel better about herself and her home or something along those lines.

We have to find that right balance where we treat our guests well and make them feel special, but also allow our guests to see the real us.  Flaws and all.

Fingerprints on the bathroom mirror.
A stain in the carpet.
Dust on the entertainment center.
A laundry room full of laundry.
Christmas decor still up in February (ahem).

Being authentic in our homes encourages us to be authentic in our conversations.
Opening up our homes helps us open up ourselves.
Being real about stains makes us more likely to be real about our struggles.

And I think deep down we all long for those friendships where we can be honest about ourselves and our trials, our questions and our concerns.  I hope tomorrow's dinner is a step toward that realness.

But, mark my words, that cash register will get put away.

I had this horrible realization last night:

Valentine's Week had totally snuck up on me!  I needed to A) buy supplies to make Valentines with Catherine for her preschool party this week AND B) solidify my idea for a teachers' gift, buy supplies, create, and deliver 64 Valentines gifts to the elementary school I serve.

I was already going to bed WAY too late, but I just determined that when I woke up, I would have to put the pedal to the metal and go, go, go!!!

Because a chiropractor appointment also snuck up on me, Catherine joined me for that this morning.  I prepped her about expectations for her behavior and expectations of what Mommy would be doing and not doing during the appointment.  We packed snacks for her, and she basically left a trail of Cheerios wherever we went.

Up next we went to a friend's house for an indoor moving sale.  There were tons of things to look at, so I sent Catherine to play with my friend's daughter.  The next thing I know the girls have gotten into stuff they weren't supposed to, and Catherine has literally gotten into something she shouldn't have.  She had put her finger in a bottle of hot tub test strips (I had never heard of such a thing before today) and gotten it stuck.

My friend (not me) had the sense to remove the cap from the bottle.

She couldn't get it unstuck.
I couldn't get it unstuck.
Baby oil didn't help.
I started thinking we were going to have to go to the ER to get this stupid bottle removed.



At one point or another, Catherine, myself, my friend, my friend's daughter, my friend's husband, my friend's mother, and one other lady to whom I was never introduced were all gathered in my friend's bathroom trying to solve the problem.

After awhile some sort of heavy duty wire cutters were brought in (hold me, Jesus!), but there was no way I could even attempt to use them.  So my friend's mom (who apparently has some sort of medical training) stepped up.  God bless her.  I had never even met her before.  She worked hard and carefully with the heavy duty cutters and then also floral wire cutters to set Catherine's finger free finally.

Taking a break mid-cutting to ice the finger

Yep, quite a bit swollen

Dunkin

Needless to say, the day was not at all what I had planned.  By the time we were done there, Catherine just wanted to go home instead of Target for our Valentine errands, and I couldn't really blame her.  It was exhausting emotionally to take part in that.  Unfortunately, she only napped about 30-45 minutes, and the rest of the afternoon was pretty much down the crapper.

Then Daddy was delayed in getting home, which drives me even further off the crazy cliff.

Pretty much the only resolution to the day was for Mommy to get away by herself.

My happy place - Target with Starbucks

Thankfully I also came to the conclusion that A) Catherine will give pre-made Valentines to her classmates and B) Instead of individualized teacher's gifts like last year with 64 individually decorated and assembled gifts, I can deliver a stack of cups, containers of tea, and one note saying, "We think you're TEA-riffic!  Help yourself to a cup!" in order to save myself hours of time and sanity (do you measure sanity in hours??).  Hallelujah!

Last year's Valentines gift to the teachers.  This year will be different.

You just never know what each day is going to hold!

I want to be in a Book Club, but it's pretty rare that I actually finish books.  When I am reading and actually do complete a book, I am quite proud of my accomplishment.

Maybe I should be in a Movie Club instead.  Well, actually I don't watch movies frequently either.

Hmm, maybe I just want to be in a club.

I like people, and I like talking with people.

Let me be your friend.

Anybody else remember that sketch on Saturday Night Live with Adam Sandler and Chris Farley?  "Let me water your plants."  "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET THE BOY WATER YOUR PLANTS!"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers that!?

It's November 19th, and I'm still wearing sandals.  I figure until we get snow on the ground, I'll keep showing my toes.  Especially since they look pretty.



November 19th sounds familiar.  I think it was maybe our due date for Catherine.  I feel like most people would remember important dates like that.  I'm not so good with dates or numbers or remembering things.

Somebody bought my drink today at a local coffee house.

For a mom of a toddler

I don't know who, but I'm grateful.  Grateful for the free coffee and for the reminder:

Enjoy these years; your time is a gift.

This local coffee house has a bulletin board by the cash register with random drinks posted for particular people.  For example, "Drink for a cancer survivor." or "Drink for a firefighter" or "Drink for a police officer."  It was a nice little treat to find one I could use.

Today is a momentous day for me.  It's the first day since Friday that I'm going about my day without physical assistance.

Friday evening I injured my back.  Just scooting back in my seat in my vehicle, I felt sudden pain.  Within a couple hours I couldn't stand up straight.  Saturday morning I couldn't walk.  No, literally, COULD.NOT.WALK.  I got to a point where I said to Josh while laying in bed mid-morning, "I don't know how I'm going to pee!!"  I crawled to the bathroom.

Since then I've fluctuated between really bad, bad, and ok.  Josh helped me over the weekend, and my parents have been helping since he's been back at work.  I'm definitely doing better today, and I feel good mentally and emotionally about where things are and that I'm getting help and getting better.

I've had back pain off and on over the years, but it was never this bad.  It was scary.  My back was fine if I was laying down, but you can't live life laying down.

In addition, Catherine was sick this week.  She's had serious past breathing problems, so I'm always extra cautious when it comes to her health.

Getting the two of us better has been my priority this week, and work has been almost non-existent.  But now that I'm doing better, I can turn my attention back to that.

Oh, and I'm happy to report that our washing machine was able to be fixed!  That was a long month without one!!

Things I Love Right Now

• pockets (sadly, 99% of what I wear doesn't have pockets.  However, I have a pair of pants that are thicker and, therefore, worn more during the colder months that has pockets.  Needless to say, I've been delighted to wear them in the recent days.)

• apple cider (I just had my first of the season.  Always a great fall staple!)
  
• updates from old friends (just heard from a friend from long ago in California)

• dance parties with my family (in the kitchen, in the car, at Charissa's reception... There has been a lot of family dancing lately.  It's so fun!)

• the phrase "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." (I am holding on tight to this one from The Nester as I update our home.)

• updating my Linked In profile (never thought I'd have any interest in this, and it wasn't my plan to even have a Linked In profile, but with my new job, comes lots of new things, and I've realized it is a good thing to boost my online professional appearance.)

• hearing Catherine sing (Lately she's always asking for a CD.  I didn't realize how quickly she was learning new songs until yesterday when she could suddenly sing about 80% of a song she just started listening to.  And it was from a CD of choir songs from my time in LA.)

• making decor updates to our home (in addition to changing our guest bedroom to my office, I'm trying to determine which furniture and other items we can part with.  I also finally painted our front door!)

  Ta-da!  Hooray for this Not a DIY-er!!

• embracing my unique style (Josh and I rarely agree on the same things, so it's not surprising then that we have different styles when it comes to how to decorate and arrange our home.  He has just started to give me more free reign, and I've been strongly drawn to some very unique things - artwork and chairs, specifically.  I'm learning it's ok to have my own quirky style, and it's ok to enjoy quirky things.  One of these days, I'll post pictures of the crazy unique additions.

• my boss (as I struggle to be a professional again and to figure out child care and family dynamics, I'm so grateful for an encouraging boss who sees my positive qualities and seeks to bring out the best in me.  It is a big time of transition, but he is patient and believes that family is a bigger priority than a job.)

Awhile ago I did these lists of "Things I Like Right Now".  I thought I'd post another.

• home decor
• "You're a Good, Good Father"
• re-thinking home decor
• peace
• baskets/containers
• re-arranging things from room to room
• crazy artwork
• rest
• space
• date night
• getting stuff out of our house
• Zillow
• pad thai
• watching football with Catherine
• small town Wakarusa, IN
• getting deals at yard sales
• Ben's soft pretzels
• the quote "not my monkey, not my circus"
• snuggling up with a soft, cozy blanket
• being encouraged, affirmed, and built-up
• encouraging other women
• "No Longer Slaves"
• finding my adventure
• a second cup of coffee
• deepening friendships

This evening I went to a funeral visitation.

It wasn't something I was excited about.
It wasn't something I really even wanted to do.

But I know it's important.

I know it matters.

I remember losing the only Grandpa I ever knew.
I remember losing my Grandma.
I remember losing my Uncle.
I remember losing my other Grandma.
I remember losing Josh's Grandpa,
Josh's Grandma,
Josh's Uncle.

I remember thinking, "Maybe one of my friends will show up at the funeral or visitation.  Or send flowers.  Or a card."

Is that too much to ask?

It would have helped.
It would have meant so much.
Just to see a familiar face.
To see a friend.
To see that someone cared.

I've been to funerals or visitations of people I've never met.

But they were loved by others whom I love.

And as a way of showing my love, care, and concern, I go.
I show up.

Even when I don't want to.
Even when it's awkward and not easy and I have to answer uncomfortable questions from my curious daughter who is attending a visitation with me.

I force myself to go to funerals because it matters.

It makes a difference.

It's seen.

And it's appreciated.

I promised myself (and hubby) I'd go to bed early-ish tonight, but darnit, I am a night owl!  No wonder I'm Very Sleepy Girl.

As a follow-up to my last post, and something a little more light-hearted, here are some fun pics from our family photo session this past weekend:

Yes, we will bribe our daughter to behave during photo shoots.

I see a tummy!

Hair check!

Catherine did a great job, and it was a treat for her to hang out with our friend's dog too.

I spent hours last night creating the Family Photo Christmas Card Montage, and I am pleased with the end result.  Now I just have to wait for the order to arrive at our front door!

Isn't there some great quote about good intentions and plans?

Well, life doesn't always go as planned.

I'm sure we've all learned that by now.
In one way or another.

I shared about it before, but it was never our plan that Catherine would be our only child.


I don't want to offend or hurt others with sensitive topics, but at the same time, I want to write my thoughts.  So, if you are sensitive to the subjects of having children, only children, conceiving, pregnancy, or infertility and don't want to read or think about such things, feel free to skip this post.

I've started writing this post a few times in my head but never actually on the laptop.

Or the blog.
Where others can see it.

But I'm all about keeping it real lately.  I am encouraged when others do, so maybe my risk of vulnerability will be in some small way an encouragement to someone who needs it.

For the last few years I've created a grand Christmas card/letter/photo montage.

Yes, even when I was single.

I know the idea of doing such a thing is sometimes mocked, but I think it's great.  I'm always happy to get something like that from others in the mail and to keep up with friends from far away.  I also enjoy documenting a review of the year - maybe since my memory is so bad!

There may have been one year in there right after Catherine was born where it didn't happen because it was just too crazy of a time adjusting to life with a newborn, but I'm not sure (See:  I told you I had a bad memory).

For the last two years we've hired a photographer to take Family Photos for the purpose of including them in the annual Christmas card/letter/photo montage.

2012

2013

This year, however, I've just kept putting it off and putting it off and finding one excuse after another and finally having to accept the fact that Family Photos just might not happen this year.

And do you know why I haven't been so eager to make it happen?

Because this isn't the family I thought I would have this year.

Whoa.  I just wrote that.

Please please don't hear me saying that I'm not grateful for the family I have.  I am incredibly grateful for this family that God has put together.


But when I think about poses and I compare our family to other Family Pictures (it's quite hard to find families of three where the child isn't a baby), and then I find the families with a multitude of children. . .

It feels as if there should be another member to our family.

Oh man, this sounds ridiculous when I put it out there.  I know we have been blessed with our child, and I know there are those who would be happy with "just" one.  I am happy.

But it's been a process.  An adjustment.  And a letting go of my desires and my expectations (there's that word again) and my wants and the comparisons of others.

(Go ahead.  Insert the Frozen theme song here.)

And I guess I'm learning to do that.  To let go.

Because guess what:

It looks like we're actually getting Family Pictures taken this weekend.  Pray for me.  Pray for us.  Heck, pray for our photographer as he has to deal with us!

So, that's step one.

Step two will be actually choosing a photo to represent our family.

Step three will be ordering the photo cards and sharing them with our friends and family across the states.

And saying:  This is our family.  Our family of three.  That I am so blessed to have.  And so grateful for.  And I'm not going to love them any less if we are not blessed with more.

May I have that contentment.  May I have that peace.  May I have that joy.

Because this is so true:  "Comparison is the thief of joy."  - Theodore Roosevelt

I want to celebrate the crazy, silly family that we are.  Even if it doesn't look how we thought it would.  It it truly something to be thankful for!

I went to a really awesome Women's Retreat last week.  And it's got me thinking a lot about the expectations of being a "good mom" or a "perfect wife" or a "Proverbs 31 woman".

• own a big house
• invite people over often
• clean that big house
• make meals
• make healthy meals
• organic, gluten free, GMO free meals
• no fast food
• meal plan
• make freezer meals
• make meals for others
• bake coookies
• keep a full cookie jar
• have clear kitchen counters
• have granite countertops
• serve in the church
• nursery duty Sunday
• nursery duty Wednesday
• attend Bible study
• host Bible study
• attend small group
• host small group
• have daily devotions
• have daily family devotions
• have daily devotions with husband
• have a happy marriage
• have lots of sex
• have lots of children
• sacrificially give up sleep
• sew
• own a minivan
• drive other people's kids around
• take the neighborhood to church
• take the church to the neighborhood
• serve the less fortunate
• make memories for child(ren)
• have craft time with child
• give up coffee
• go to bed early
• get up early
• exercise
• daily laundry
• mop
• wear an apron
• wear makeup
• wear heels
• have nice matching furniture that isn't second-hand or stained
• have a queen or king sized bed
• . . .

It keeps going and going.
It's enough to make me crumble.
And weep.
And give up.

Because [clearly] I can't do it all.

The question I keep coming back to is "Where do these expectations come from?"

God never called me to be Super Woman.  He's the One I say I live for and care about.  Then why am I stressing about doing all these other things that He's never called me to do?

One point our speaker made at the retreat is that God's not calling me to do, do, do.  He's calling me to be.

To be His daughter.  To be in His presence.

Look at the Bible passage about Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42.
Oh, this story has always made me squirm.

Because, like Martha, I'm a doer.  I think of all the work that needs to be done.  And I try to do it.  And then I get ticked off when others aren't doing their fair share.

In this passage, Martha is feeling the same way.  And Jesus totally calls her out on it, and says she can stop trying to do it all.  He never asked her to do it all.  In fact He doesn't want her to do it all.  He wants her to just be.  To sit at His feet and to be with Him.

Oh, Lord, can I do that?  Is it possible to overlook the messy house and the overflowing baskets of laundry and the over-scheduled calendar to focus on what You have truly called me to do??



My friend Lisa-Jo just wrote about NOT Doing It All.  Her honesty was much appreciated and needed.  The part that impacted me the most was kind of some behind-the-scenes information.  The "story behind the photo" if you will.

A couple days prior she had posted a photo of her sweet kiddos all lined up in a row, sitting nicely on the couch, all happy and well fed with bowls of food in their laps.  It was cute.  Of course.


Then I found out the story behind the photo:  Lisa-Jo had just gotten home from traveling out of town for a few days to a conference where she was a speaker.  Though she was delighted to be home and with her kids again, she was also exhausted.  She got Chinese take-out, put it in bowls, lined them up on the couch with dinner and Netflix while she napped.

Can I get a "Hallelujah" for a nap?
Can I get a "Hallelujah" for such honesty?
Can I get a "Hallelujah" for takeout and tv for those moments when we just can't do it all and we need to be real and ok with that?

Another friend's husband recently posted "Judging by my facebook feed, if you haven't taken your kids to an apple orchard or a pumpkin patch yet this fall, you're a horrible parent."  Though obviously tongue-in-cheek, it puts into explicit words what we may be feeling tinges of when we compare our lives to those showing up in our newsfeed.

I can't allow others' snippets of life and snapshots momentarily on display to decide the expectations of my day-to-day reality.

Lord, help me to know what YOU expect of me.  May I strive for only the things that bring glory to you.

Not to get all Martha Stewart on you or anything, but I've just been more aware lately of these good things...

• my little family
• play dates
• hospitality
• girls night out
• community
• learning more about myself
• listening to God
• The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst
• pedicures
• a new hair-do
• weekly accountability
• new friendships
• Catherine learning and growing

• thanking God for my blessings
• the crispness of fall
• pumpkin recipes
• simplicity
• getting to miss my family on occasion IE time spent apart
• parents & in-laws
• having many of Catherine's aunts, uncles, and cousins nearby
• the tremendous amount of work my husband does for our family
• looking forward to Fall Break
  
  
  
  
  

1. I believe... in forgiveness and second chances.
2. The first concert I attended was... Johnny Cash.
3. It's important to have... friends.
4. I would love to go... back to Portland (Maine).
5. If I had more time... I'd get my home organized, but I'd need more energy too.
6. I like to... sleep.  (In case you didn't catch that whole VerySleepyGirl name of this blog)
7. Some of my proudest achievements are... student teaching overseas, moving to the west coast, and moving back home to the Midwest.
8. When I was a teenager... I made my parents' lives miserable.
9. Someday I would love to... get our upstairs bathroom painted.
10. My favorite thing to bake is... crepes currently.  Or would that be considered cooking?  I don't know.  Do you bake crepes or cook crepes?
11. What you don't know about me is... how badly I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life.
12. I once had a part-time job... babysitting at age 10.  I was so not mature enough for that!
13. I am currently working... for free.
14. My favorite celebrity meeting was... Mario Lopez!!
15. I like to drink... coffee every morning.
16. My favorite movie idol is... Julie Andrews.  "The hills are alive!!!!!"
17. My favorite flowers are... colorful and bright and vibrant and long-lasting!
18. I like to snack on... sweet and salty combos.
19. My favorite TV show is... currently Fixer Upper on HGTV.  I really don't want much TV, and we don't get HGTV, so...
20. I met my husband... officially in let's see here... um, working backwards, we were married in 2010, so... um, let's see, engaged in 2009, so 2008 I guess.  Is that right, sweetie?  (I'm not good with numbers/dates/facts)
21. I would love to have dinner with... a bunch of old friends at a backyard barbeque.  Oh, that may come true here shortly...
22. My favorite color is... blue in varying shades - mostly aqua and navy.
23. I enjoy... sleeping writing.
24. I attended... Christian schools almost entirely.
25. I am a huge fan of... Candace Cameron.
26. I collect... colanders.  For decoration.  Or as Catherine would say, "For pretend."
27. I appeared... as an extra in a movie.
28. I also collect... travel size toiletries from hotels.  Ha!
29. My favorite fruit is... fruit pizza!  No, seriously, I love lots of different fruits - honeydew, blueberries, kiwi, strawberries, grapes, bananas, peaches, etc.  But I also do love a good fruit pizza!
30. My go-to beauty product is... Burt's Bees lip balm.  That's as close as I get to "beauty products."
31. In 2009 I... went to Arkansas, Nevada, California, and Texas.
32. I recently... went through South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington for the first time.
33. I am inspired by... Pinterest.
34. I wear glasses... every day since 8th grade.
35. In 1997 I... went to New York City with my high school classmates.
36. I work out... used to work out at Curves and later a gym.
37. I'm a terrible... cook.
38. What I love about America is... how much there is to experience.
39. My secret snack... is anything after Catherine is asleep.
40. I adore... rain when I don't have to go out in it.
41. It's been a really long time since... I got my hair cut.  I was seriously contemplating pigtails the other day.
42. I'm so thankful for... a dishwasher in our kitchen.  Especially after seven years without!  Good things come to those who wait.
43. I don't want to... own a red car.  Too much attention from police.
44. I once forgot... how to spell "world."  This was last week.
45. I have... a great guy (my husband - just to clarify in case you were thinking Mario Lopez).
46. I wish I had... disposable income.
47. I don't know how to... play chess.  I once started reading a book on how to play chess.  I don't think I made it past the first page.
48. Yesterday I... ate a yummy Asian sesame chicken salad.
49. Tomorrow I... will get up and drink coffee.  The rest is uncertain.
50. I wonder... when I'll tire of chevron.  I also wonder if anyone actually read ALL 50 of these random facts.

Currently reading...

• articles on how to survive a road trip with back pain

Currently eating...

• Smoked sausage roll from Rise 'n Roll

Currently drinking...

• Kiwi Strawberry Snapple - old school!

Currently missing...

•  Auntie Barb & Cousin Monique

Currently watching...

• nothing on tv, but we did just receive a mammoth antennae that will allow us to actually get local channels

Currently rearranging...

• kitchen, front room, and living room - mentally

Currently stressing...

• planning packing for the road trip

Currently baking...

• nothing; four very ripe bananas ended up in the freezer after I talked about making banana bread for days

Currently lamenting...

• the extremely short lifespan of our kiddie pool

Currently enjoying...

• www.thesaurus.com

Currently harvesting...

• spinach, lettuce, strawberries, raspberries, basil

 Currently attempting...

• to figure out multiple annoying technological problems affecting me simultaneously (computer won't charge; phone won't send pictures to email or facebook)

Currently anticipating...

• being with Roomie Sarah

 Currently singing...

• How Can I Keep From Singing

Currently dreaming...

• about space (not of the outer variety) and working at my former job (recurring dream)

Currently creating...

• margin

So, I was just thinking I may have just made the best choice by adding pretzels to my ice cream (oh yes, I did), and it got me pondering more about good choices, as this is a new theme for our two-year-old, independent, spirited daughter.



     1.  Making today a two nap day
     2.  Buying Surprised by Motherhood by Lisa-Jo Baker


     3.  Emptying out the fridge
     4.  Going to my sister-in-law's MOPS group last week and hearing my friend Bria speak

   
     5.  Participating in a Girls (and kiddos) Night
     6.  Making Josh my husband - because who else would let me have a two nap day?!
     7.  Accepting and believing that Jesus loves me.
     8.  Unplugging for a getaway weekend
     9.  Registering for Ladies Craft Night
   10.  Seriously, pieces of pretzel sticks mixed in with a scoop of caramel turtle custard from Culver's - SOOOOO good!!

Wow, what a day!  With my spirited toddler at her grandparents for the day, I had dreams of going vintage and resale shopping in Elkhart with my good friend Kate.  But now I'm thinking the day would have been less stressful if I had instead stayed home with the toddler.

It started in a most bizarre way, as Kate's first words to me were, "Did you know you have a huge chunk of ham in your driveway?"

In case you were wondering, the answer was no.  I did not know.

But she was right.


Up next was a soft pretzel from Ben's.  Great choice.

But next came hitting the worst pothole on US 33.  Hard.  I saw it at the last second and tried to dodge it, but I wasn't fast enough.  Sigh...

I saw my hubcap or something go rolling in my rear view mirror.  I knew it was unfortunate.  But then the car started shaking.  Darnit.  My tire was ruined. I guess this is what I get for pawning off my daughter and trying to have a day of indulgent shopping.


So glad my friend was with me, as my thinking slows down in situations like that.  She suggested to manuever my car around and turn off 33 and head into the Kohl's and Target parking lot.

Hey, if you're gonna be stranded, Target is a good place to be near.  Am I right?

So we made it into the lot by a huge dirty snow pile.  From there I spent a few minutes on the phone trying to get answers on our insurance coverage.  I spent more time listening to menu options than actually talking to a real person.  Finally got the answer I was expecting - no coverage.  I had recently heard about my friend's experience with pothole damage costing him over $1,000.  Just dandy.

I knew I couldn't bother Josh with any of this because this is one of his busiest weekends for work, and there would be nothing he could do to help me anyways.

In life I believe it's helpful to have connections with certain kind of people.  For example I'm glad I have a Lawyer Friend and a Police Officer Friend and a Doctor Friend for their occupational expertise and advice.  I quickly sent a text to our Car Repair Friend for his advice.

Unsure how else to spend the time, Kate and I walked to Target.  Of course.

After browsing the $1 section, I saw our Snow Plow Friend heading out of the store.  I quickly remembered he's also a Construction Friend, Handyman Friend, and basically a Jack-of-all-Trades Friend.  I yelled out his name across the store.  When you're desperate, you don't care about decorum.

I then proceeded to watch the fastest tire change I'd ever witnessed.  He gave me the name of a great place where I could go for a fix.  I put air in the spare (Josh should be so proud), called the tire shop, and left Target without even shopping and still with my unfinished Ben's pretzel from about 90 minutes prior.

Kate kindly kept me company at the tire shop, for which I am so grateful.  It's not the sort of place I'd really want to hang out alone.  They had "Friday the 13th" playing on the TV in the waiting corner - no separate lobby or waiting room; we were definitely just hanging out in a garage for an hour.  I was so grateful Catherine wasn't with me there.

After watching them do things I didn't know were possible, the guys were finished and gave me a bill. $60 later we were on our way out.

A non-moving train kept us extending our visit to the other side of the tracks for awhile longer, and we then reached the sad conclusion that we didn't have enough time to do any of our shopping in Elkhart.  Sigh...

What a day.


But boy am I grateful no one was hurt in our drama on the road.  Grateful there was a safe parking lot nearby that we made it to.  Grateful that our friend and I crossed paths at precisely the right time at Target.  Grateful for his DIY skills and recommendation of the affordable tire shop.  Grateful Kate was with me and Catherine wasn't.  Grateful all of this could be taken care of without having to add another stressor to Josh's day.  And grateful for that Ben's pretzel, which I finally finished eating.

Now, what to do with the ham...

My new friend Helen has declared February the Month of Forgotten Hobbies.

As a mom, I feel like forgotten is a great word for me.

In many ways.

Have you heard of "Mommy Brain"?  Or "Pregnancy Brain"?  Having a child does something to you that makes you forget things.

Sept. 2011

But maybe that's a good thing.  Or at least an okay thing.

Maybe it's God's way of preparing you for motherhood.

Because as a mother you are constantly having to forget your own wants - and needs - to care for your child.

I remember when we came home from the hospital and for the first couple weeks, Josh and I barely ate.  And of course for the first couple months we barely slept.  Food and rest are things that most people would say are necessities.  But when you have someone so little and so dependent on you, you instinctively put their needs above your own.

Being a mother can also make you feel like everything you were before motherhood has been forgotten.

Since I spend 24/7 with my daughter, it is easy to have my identity become so fully focused on being her mother that I forget who I am outside of that one aspect.

This topic is a bit too tough on my tender spirit right now, but maybe someday I'll allow myself to contemplate it more deeply.

Feb. 2009

Poor February.  It gets a lot of hate.  Probably related to the weather.

But I LOVE February!  It's the month of love - Valentine's Day!  I don't view Valentine's Day as some day made up by the greeting card industry (is there a "greeting card industry"?).  Instead I see it as a beautiful time to be grateful for those I love.

And loving others is always a good thing.

In addition to February having a celebration of love, it also holds a celebration of me!  Oh yes, it's my birthday month!  For the last few years I've felt awkward about throwing myself a party to celebrate my birthday, but I've come to the realization that planning parties is something I enjoy doing, so it only makes sense to do something I enjoy to celebrate my birthday.  Right?

Aug. 2007

I've never been good at daily blogging.  But I've also never claimed to be.  I can't commit to daily writing.  But maybe I can commit to remembering.

The last 2 weeks of holidays and merriment and family and friends have been awesome!!

However, since Christmas Eve part of my heart has been in Burbank, CA, where I used to live ten years ago.

In California, I was a part of a good GREAT group of people who met Sundays and Thursdays to grow and learn together in our faith.  It was an incredible two years that I spent out there, and I'm forever grateful for the way I grew because of time spent with that incredible group at Village Church.

A member of our group left this earth on Christmas Eve morning.  He had been fighting cancer hard core for two years.  Tonight is a memorial service for him at our church in Burbank.  I wish I could be watching a live stream of it or something.  Ha, that's totally something he would have set up if it was somebody else's memorial service.  Kevin was very tech minded.  Anytime I had problems with or questions about my computer I could go to him for help.  And, boy, was he patient.

The most laid back, calm, thoughtful person you could imagine.  He dealt with a lot during his 37 years on earth; yet he remained steadfast.

A verse that came to my mind as I pondered over Kevin's life, especially these last couple years of intense battles, is 2 Timothy 4:7.  Kevin truly fought the good fight.  He indeed finished his race.  And he certainly kept his faith.  As Kevin passed from this earth into the presence of His Lord, I believe he heard as we read in Matthew 25:21, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

Most of my pictures from California were taken on film and printed off and in some random storage bin now, but here's a picture of just some of our group taken one Sunday morning in Burbank.  Kevin is in the white shirt near the center.  His now wife is next to him in the denim jacket.  I continue to keep her and their two little ones in my heart as they go through this grieving process.  It won't be an easy road.

If you want to read more about their journey, visit their blog at www.aquietlife.net or their FB page for the Hill Family Fighters.

My husband gave me the best gift this past weekend.

Something I never would have even thought to put on a wishlist.

Something I didn't even know I wanted or needed.

He gave me the gift of solitude.

Yah, peace and quiet.  Maybe you've heard of it.  I had heard of it but hadn't experienced it for a long, long time.
 
If you know me, you know I am crazy about my daughter.  Love her SO much.  But at the same time, being with her non-stop, 24/7 can be a bit tiresome after awhile.

I mean, no real break from her or from being responsible for her.

So, this past weekend had Josh heading one county west with Catherine while I stayed here for one of many recent meetings.  The plans were for me to join them later.  But the meeting ran late, I wasn't packed, and I didn't relish the thought of taking both cars out of town.  I started getting this crazy idea...

"I wonder if Josh would let me stay in Goshen while he and Catherine go on to his parents for the night."

Totally unprecedented and a bit unorthodox, but the more I thought about it, the more I absolutely freaking LOVED the idea!!!

He granted me my wish.  And, oh my, did I enjoy my solitude!  I soaked it up!  It was like I was single again!  Carefree!  Free!  Jolly!  Joyous!  Footless!  Fancy-free!

I kicked back and relaxed.  I went to the movie theater for a matinee!  I went shopping and out to dinner with my friend.  We were in no hurry.  We shut down the stores and then the restaurant.  We even got to watch the Notre Dame football game on tv - in its entirety!

And oh how it refreshed me and renewed me.  And made me love and appreciate my family even more and delight in their return the following day.

After sleeping in of course!

Oh what a blessing a little alone time can be!

Ever wonder what Catherine and I do all day when Daddy is at work?  Sometimes I know I do.  Some days just seem to fly by with nothing to show for it - or maybe just one thing to show for it.  I at least try to do one productive, noteworthy thing a day.

Sunday night I was looking at this week's schedule on my all important calendar when I realized, surprisingly, Tuesday was our only free day this week.  Every other day had something going on.  Naturally I thought Tuesday would be the perfect day to take Catherine over to our homeland - South Bend - to visit her relatives.

We set things up with her Aunt Jen so that Catherine could visit her cousin Julia.  Those girls can't get enough of each other!



Unfortunately I woke up to a text that Jen had woken up to a sick Julia, and we decided it'd probably be best to keep the girls separate.  Sickness of the Little One is the last thing I want to deal with, and we know that since Catherine puts about 90% of things in her mouth, she was bound to get sick too.

Enter Plan B:

My new friend Danyell had some questions about Power Point and the Children's Ministry that she directs at our church.  Since I had a little treat to deliver to her anyway I decided I could drag my laptop along and do some work to help.

Unfortunately, Microsoft has created a new version of programs supposed to make life easier, but in reality, they are all so different they make life a bear trying to learn all the programs all over again.

Needless to say, I wasn't much help.

And sweet, adorable Catherine was wanting to be pushed on the swing, put on the trampoline, taken off the trampoline, fed, chased, taken outside, taken inside, put in the sandbox, taken out of the sandbox, etc. etc. etc.  90% of the things at Danyell's house were going in Catherine's mouth.  Catherine sometimes forgets she's only 1 (see picture below).  She wants to do everything that Danyell's 4 year old son Eli can do.  And she tries.

This makes life very interesting and challenging for me.

Three times just during this morning's visit I had to chase her down as she ran for the street.  Ugh.

A great shot of a perfect example of my daughter.  See those striped legs?  Those belong to my daughter who was playing on the couch while meeting her new baby cousin at the hospital and apparently decided she wanted off the couch.  Photo serendipitously captured by my brother.

After awhile Danyell suggested lunch at M-C-D-O-N-A-L-D-S (Because seasoned parents know you MUST spell things out until it's 100% agreed on by the adults.).  Once I heard her local one had a playland I was in.  Funny the things I haven't cared about for decades that are now so vital in making decisions.

We had a great time eating and playing.  And of course chasing after Catherine as she ran around the restaurant more than a few times.  Although that part may have just been a great time for Catherine, and not so much for me.

Afterward, driving home I was thinking Catherine would benefit from a bath, still with sand stuck on her and all.  But I also knew she was in need of a nap.

As soon as I get Catherine out of the car, she darts for the backyard, using the excuse that she wants to "Look at garden!"  Within moments she's trying to get into her little inflatable pool.

Suddenly I realize a dip in the pool will solve my dilemma of the sand all over her body.  Perfect!  I pull her shoes off, strip her of her clothes, and rip off her diaper.

"In you go!"

She loves it.  Squeals and giggles.  She splashes.  I rinse her off and call it good enough.  About this time I start realizing how poorly I planned this brilliant idea.  Or failed to plan actually.

She is dripping wet, and the nearest towel is, of course, inside the house.  I may not be Super-Mom, but I know I cannot leave her alone.  Outside.  And in water!  So, I awkwardly carry her with my arms stretched out away from my body.  I set her gingerly on the back deck while I unlock the back door.  Up she goes again and straight to the bathroom at the back of the house.  Once dried and diapered I decide I can go empty the car.  It could have waited til I put her down for a nap, but I guess I was thinking about the leftover milk in her diaper bag in the hot car in the hot garage in the 90 degree heat.

I told Catherine to go find her music table and play with her toys.  "I'll be right back" I yell as I sneak out the back door, eager to see if I can get it all brought inside in one trip - quite a challenge!

I gather up the abandoned clothing and diaper poolside.  I pile onto one shoulder a purse, a diaper bag, and a laptop bag.  I tuck three cups into the crook of my arm and head back to the house, sweaty, exhausted, looking forward to a break once I get Little Girl down for the blessed nap.

I hear her as I approach the back door and peak through the window seeing her on the other side of the door.  I use my free hand to turn the handle and push and, to my horror, discover that Catherine can now apparently reach the lock.

Yes, my 1 year old daughter had locked me out of the house.

I called out to the Lord, and it was not in vain.

My mind started racing, "The keys are in the kitchen.  The front door is locked.  The side door is locked.  We have no hidden key.  We haven't given a copy of the key to a neighbor.  I have my phone in my purse, but Josh is teaching."

My mind continues, "Do I call the police?  Would I be arrested for neglect?  How long can Catherine last unattended?  What will she get into?  At least she's wearing a diaper."

And before I knew it, she reached back up and unlocked the door.

Praises rang out.

Lesson learned.

And that is just a glimpse into my day.

That was yesterday.  Today Catherine prayed before a meal all by herself for the first time.

"Dear Jesus.  Dear food.  Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus."

Amen!

Had a GREAT 4 day weekend in Wisconsin!!  I love being back there.

We went with Jen and Andy and of course the girls.  It's awesome when we can borrow my folks' mini van and all ride together.  Well, except for the fact that long car trips with babies are hard, and sometimes they just take turns screaming and crying.  But other times they are quiet and content.  :)

We stayed with family friends the Kemna's the first night in Fort Atkinson where I used to live.  We actually didn't get to see any of the town, as they live in the country.  I love, love, LOVE staying with Kemnas.  Mrs. Kemna was my 1st and 2nd grade teacher, and she has long been someone I admire - largely for her amazing gift of hospitality.  It always truly feels like a retreat when I am in their home.  Such a treat!!

We enjoyed reminiscing and visiting in their farmhouse and eating ice cream sundaes on the back deck admiring the gorgeous view of farmland.  Ahhh, Wisconsin...


We then headed north to Marshfield for my cousin Leigh-Ann's wedding.  What a beautiful bride she was!


We had a nice time visiting with extended family, enjoying good food, and rocking out on the dance floor.

We also enjoyed the pool at the hotel we stayed at!  Catherine's first time in a pool.  She was a bit hesitant at first, but we all ended up having lots of fun!


Saturday we continued north to Wausau to friends Tammy & Michael's house.  Their son was celebrating his 5th birthday with a big space themed party.  Tammy did a great job planning, organizing, and throwing the coordinated party.  She also fed us lunch and dinner and let us hang out there for the day.  It was great to visit with 4 of the 5 Richmonds!


We stayed at another hotel with a pool so the babies could enjoy more swim time, and we then traveled to visit friends Sean and Ali in Chicago suburbs.  We picked up Giordano's (YUM!!), gobbled down freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and spent a good time talking and giggling - two guaranteed activities around Seanners.


 And now back at Home Sweet Home, for at least a few days!  :)