Boy, I feel like I am in the midst of the craziest, busiest few weeks of the year right now!

My all important calendar/scheduler/life notebook is jam packed with things to do and events to remember.  There are three people's schedules to keep track of, and it's overwhelming at times for me.

Josh's choirs have had over a half dozen performances, with more to go.  Plus, he's got various meetings and other commitments to keep him occupied beyond school hours.

In addition to preschool three days a week, Catherine has gymnastics on Monday, soccer on Tuesday,  Awana on Wednesday, and MOTTTS on Thursday.  Then there's all the extras to keep track of:  field trips, permission slips, buying Christmas gifts for her teachers, when she's supposed to take snack, when that birthday party was rescheduled to, who she's supposed to invite to the Christmas pageant, what costume she's supposed to wear.

And then there's me.  I'm trying to keep track of all on my to do list.  The ladies' annual Christmas party is the largest event I plan for women's ministry at our church, and it's this week.  For so long, it's been on the back burner, and now I'm in denial about the fact that I need to move it up to the front burner and start cooking!

The word that keeps coming to mind when I try to describe my life right now is chaotic.   And I think you can understand why.

I'm sure you have your own set of things to keep track of, presents to buy, meals to plan, cookies to decorate, errands to run, commitments to keep.

And in the midst of all the mess, is the nativity.



 The Christ Child.  Emmanuel.  God with us.

Here.  In the mess.


It amazes me that He actually wants our messes.  That we don't have to first get things cleaned up and organized and all pretty looking.  Thank God!  Because that's never gonna happen!

So, I'm just trying to remember, and maybe you need the reminder too, that He is here with us.

In the midst.

In the mess.

Christ with us.

Don't ya just hate it when your body thought it was nap time when it was actually supposed to be bed time?

And after 2 oh-so-brief hours of sleep, it is WIDE AWAKE.

So you spend the time resting.

Or trying to rest.

And you spend time praying and wrestling with God.

But your brain keeps thinking.

Of ideas and To Do lists.

And the story line of Gilmore Girls Revival.

And you debate if you should get up or still keep trying, hoping for more sleep to come.

Your ears think they hear the furnace running, and your brain is telling you it has sounded like that for the last hour while you've been laying (or is it lying?) awake.

So eventually your curious brain, your tightwad tendencies, and your full bladder, win.

You get up and come downstairs and readjust the thermostat.

And go to the bathroom.

When you realize yesterday's mid-afternoon coffee kind of turned into evening coffee, you start wondering if its affects on you is more than just having to use the facilities.

(You have to write "use the facilities" because you can't write "pee" in your blog post; although, you vaguely recall some other writing of yours using that word 2 or 3 times.)

You turn on a dim lamp because 5 AM is too early for the overhead, and you snuggle up on the couch under a cozy, crazy soft gray blanket.

And you write.
Sometimes you don't know why you write, and you even wonder if you should continue pursuing this whole blogging thing.

But the words form inside you and want to be released.

And though your womb is barren, your soul births new thoughts.

If your newsfeed is anything like mine, you are seeing Gilmore Girls mentioned about every 12 seconds.

If you have no idea who the Gilmore Girls are, maybe this post isn't for you.  But if you're the other 99% of my followers, read on.


I'll admit:  I was quite delayed in getting on the Gilmore Girls bandwagon.  The couple times I tried watching it I couldn't follow the speed of dialogue full of all the pop culture references.  And quite frankly, I found the main characters ... well, slightly annoying.  Come on, we all have our annoying moments.  And if you're honest, you know Rory and Lorelai have theirs too

The two years I lived in LA was during the Gilmore Girls' run.  A friend of mine was a reoccurring background actor on the show.  I was on the set multiple times and even crossed paths with Alexis Bledel once.  I stepped across Rory's college campus, tiptoed through Richard and Emily's living room, frolicked through the Stars Hollow town square, stopping for pictures in front of the gazebo, and opened the door and walked right into Luke's Diner.  I saw Lorelai's jeep parked in her driveway, Miss Patty's dance studio, Mrs. Kim's antique store, and lots of others things that meant nothing to me because I didn't know the characters or the town or the show at that time.

Boy, what a difference it would be now to interact with that town after having watched all seven seasons of the show!  I now know that Stars Hollow is like a whole other character on the show.

I'm on the top right, and I took the bottom photo inside Luke's.

Now, after nine years of absence, the Gilmore Girls are coming back this Friday.
And, seemingly, the world couldn't be happier.

The Gilmore Girls Revival is the happily ever after reunion of long absent friends.  It's been so long since we've seen them that we only remember the good parts about them.  Forget about any past thoughtless decisions or foolish behavior. We've forgiven and forgotten and just want to see them thriving and at peace.

Seeing the town of Stars Hollow gives us a sense of familiarity and community.  It's a place where everybody is known, a place where everybody matters.  Don't we all long for a place like that?

In a time when we are engulfed by divisiveness and disingenuity, we long for a brief escape back to Y2K and a conversation where the biggest point of contention is whether you're Team Jess or Team Logan.

I have so many questions!  We know the day (Friday, November 25), but what time will the episodes be released?  Will it depend on what time zone you're in?  IE, can I watch the episodes before my friends on the west coast can??  Are GG fans going to break Netflix?  And if you don't watch it on Friday, how on earth can you avoid spoilers online?!?

There is more excitement about these upcoming four episodes than there was about seven seasons of episodes!  There is so much hype I don't know how it can possibly live up to the expectations.  As crazy as this sounds, I'm already feeling the future sadness of the four episodes being over and having to say goodbye to The Girls all over again.  I mean, four episodes are going to be over in the blink of an eye.  And then what are we left with?  Leftover turkey, dirty dishes, and a debate about the political future of our nation.  Yah, I'd rather be in Stars Hollow...

Ah...  Sunday night

For the last few weeks I have actually loved Sunday nights.
Excited for the return of the routine.

Catherine is loving pre-K.
And I am loving having free time for a bit while she's there.

So, why am I feeling such angst tonight?

I don't know.

Probably a number of things.

This week is going to be full of long days for Josh, which then also means long days for me single mom-ing it.

Plus I've got a number of things on the calendar that I'm actually dreading instead of looking forward to.

I'm struggling with writing and struggling with finding my creativity and passion.

I can't help but think about our housing situation and wonder where we'll be a year from now or what we'll be pursuing half a year from now.

Add in probable hormones and likely depression that often makes a reappearance, and you've got me tonight.

Just the sad reality.

But I know it will pass.  I will survive the long week.  And I will, once again, have activities to look forward to.  So, to cheer myself up, I'm reminding myself that Josh's Fall Break is coming up soon!  And we'll be taking a trip to one of our favorite places:  Traverse City, Michigan!

2015 Chateau Chantal in TC

2014 at our hotel in TC

2010:  our Mini-moon (mini honeymoon) in TC

It's one of our frequent destinations, but it's been awhile since we've been.  We always have our favorite restaurants and stores to visit and a great hotel right on the water.  We wander around downtown and take in the beautiful views from Old Mission Peninsula.  Fall is a gorgeous time to visit, plus we get off-season rates!

So, for now, I'll hold onto that.  It helps to have SOMEthing to look forward to.  Are you the same way?  What's coming up on your calendar that lifts your spirits?

It was exactly one month ago today that we first saw the house we planned to buy and move into this fall.

It was beautiful.  In so many ways.

Well cared for.
In a great neighborhood.
Right next to a school.
Big, beautiful shade trees.
A huge living space where I could see us gathering for small group, Bible studies, hosting Mom's Night Out, having birthday parties, and holiday meals.
A bright cheery kitchen with shabby chic cabinets and whitewashed old fence post pieces as a backsplash of sorts.
Hardwood floors, huge windows, a beautiful stone fireplace, a newly updated bathroom with subway tile.
Space for my office.
And space for Catherine.  Space for her to play and spread out.   A basement for a drum set and big toys, where she could toss a ball without having to worry about it hitting and breaking something.  A paved driveway where she was going to learn how to ride a bike.  A tree swing.  And right next door to a playground, soccer goals, basketball hoops, and space to run wild (yet fenced in for my peace of mind).


It was just about perfect.
Oh, and in a town that we love.

And all along, it was our continual prayer that God would show us clearly if this was meant to be our home.  The proverbial doors kept opening wide.  And we kept walking through them.  And kept saying, "As long as God keeps opening the doors, we'll keep walking through them."

Well, yesterday, God clearly closed the door.  The buyers suddenly decided they don't want to sell right now.  "Nothing personal" we were told.  That didn't make the punch to the gut feel any better.  This was completely out of the blue.  We had paperwork written up, revised, and revised again.  We had details figured out.

We had our home 95% staged.  We had a house cleaner booked for Tuesday and a photographer booked for Wednesday.  We had a website created.  And an open house planned.

Mentally and emotionally we were moving this fall.

And now...

Well, I canceled the house cleaner and the photographer.

I had to break the news to Josh.
And Catherine.

Last night we treated ourselves to our favorite restaurant where we ate our feelings.  No, seriously, my "meal" was fried mozzarella sticks and a giant chocolate chip cookie covered in ice cream, chocolate, and caramel.  (The order disgusted even me.)

At some point we'll start unearthing all the bins and boxes we packed up of things we didn't need for a couple months.  We can put the toaster oven and coffee maker back on the kitchen counter.

Having a 95% "show ready" home has re-birthed my desire to host friends, and I'm happy to say we had a family over this morning.  We made a big pot of coffee, and Catherine helped me make muffins.  I even served them on a pretty cake stand that I had set out for staging.

I'm going to use the pretties as I make my guests feel welcome in our yellow farmhouse with the red front door.  And the big front porch.

So, I'm feeling rather giddy right now...

Hubs and I just announced on social media our news that we are planning to sell our house!

Yellow house with the red door

It's a first for us, so everything is new and exciting and overwhelming.

There have been a number of things that we have lived with or ignored or put on the back burner but really need our attention before we can show the house, so that has been consuming our time, energy, actions, and thoughts for the last couple weeks.

Before and after of the linen/storage closet

This all happened suddenly and seemingly randomly, but we feel God is leading us down this path.  And as long as the doors keep opening, we will keep walking through them.

So, as we continue crossing items off our home to do list, we are praying that God will bring us a buyer who can be blessed by this home as much as we have been for the last four years.

Wow, where did the last month go?

Hubs has been gradually adjusting to his new job.  Which means C-bug and I have been gradually adjusting back to our routine.  She still has a few weeks before Pre-K starts.

I've been gearing up for my Mama's Group to resume next month.  Being on the leadership team means involvement year round, even though the group officially takes the summer off from meeting.

And now Hubby and I are trying to go hard-core into home improvement projects that we've put on the back burner for awhile.  Our to-do list is massive, but we're trying to tackle one thing at a time.  We've been working hard in this heat, so I finally got around to making my first batch this summer of my iced coffee concentrate.



I posted a pic on Instagram and Facebook, and I know ya'll wanted the recipe, so here goes!


Brew a pot of extra strong (2-3x) coffee (I did 10 scoops of espresso beans with 20 oz. of water).

Mix with 1/2 cup sugar (I put in less), and 1/2 cup flavoring syrup (I do a combination of Hershey's chocolate and caramel, but I would imagine you could do something like Torani syrups), and 1 teaspoon vanilla.

Whisk it.  Whisk it real good.

Pour into a mason jar and store in fridge.  When you're ready for a glass, pour over ice about a cup of milk and a 1/3 cup of coffee concentrate (make sure to shake the jar first to mix it well).  Feel free to experiment with your preferred ratio.



I've tried it with different flavored coffee beans and different kinds of milk (coconut, almond, etc.).

In all honesty, I don't know if I should call this Iced Coffee or Iced Mocha.  Regardless, it's good, quick, and easy!  Let me know if you try it and if you experiment with different syrups and flavors!

Feel free to follow me at the links below, where I post a lot more than here lately!  For example, did you know I finished the gallery wall that I've been planning for months?!?  Hmm, maybe I should write a blog post on that sometime.  Maybe in 2017.

Facebook:  Very Sleepy Girl
Instagram:  @verysleepygirl
Snapchat:  verysleepygirl

Um, Summer?

Yah, you over there, Summer Break.

I know it feels like you just got here and all.

But, um, I'm also very aware that you're scheduled to leave soon.
REALLY soon!
Two weeks, which will, no doubt, fly by!

In fact, this is your shortest stay with our family.

And it's leaving me kind of heartbroken.

I want to hold tight to the memories we've made:

swimming lessons at the local pool, our little inflatable backyard pool, three Vacation Bible Schools, family trip to Virginia, soccer, icee pops, overnight trip to Syracuse (Indiana, not New York), anniversary getaway to Michigan, coffee chats, Tuesdays at the park, ice cream outings...

And yet I look at the little Summer Bucket List I wrote out in May, and nothing is crossed off.  Literally nothing.

0/10

So, Summer, can you do me a favor?

Can you maybe come back for little visits on the weekend?
Can we say not "goodbye", but "see you later"?
Can we keep this relationship going here even past the start of a new school year?
Cuz the truth is, I really like you.  We all do.  I think we've got a good thing goin' on together, and there's so much more we want to experience with you.

For crying out loud, I haven't even had an ear of sweet corn!!!

So, don't leave us, Summer Break!  We're just not ready for this to end!

Sincerely,
Jennifer, Josh, and Catherine

"Mom, I want you to watch me dribble in my throat."

 It didn't take me long to realize she meant "gargle."


She wanted me to watch her brush her teeth tonight.

Again.

Even though she can do it all by herself.

 
I sighed selfishly.  I didn't want to do it.

But look at what I would have missed.



Who knows how much longer this will last...

Thinking about what I was like as a pre-teen, I'm sure it won't be long before she wants to seclude herself in her room and have nothing to do with me.

She won't be calling me from college asking me to come watch her get into her jammies.

The years will pass, and I'll look back on this evening and long for it again.

So I'm going to enjoy these moments while I have them.

Blogger Nifty Betty is focusing on choosing joy all of July, and it has inspired me to write about joy too.

I've been searching high and low for inspiration lately.  Now that I have it, we'll see if I can also find the time required to focus on writing.

I invite you to join me.  You can follow along right here on my blog, on my Very Sleepy Girl facebook page, and my Very Sleepy Girl Instagram page.

There are times I am tired of the monotony of life around here.


Times I want to move to Waco.

Or times I think I can't survive another midwest winter.

But then out of no where, I see a field a cows.

And it makes me love Northern Indiana.

Maybe it has something to do with having just spent an impromptu afternoon/evening with all my family, including this cutie niece of mine.


It makes me grateful that family is so close by.

And as much as we may annoy each other at times (we are family after all),

WE
ARE
FAMILY

And I don't want to leave them.

When I was young and single and freshly out of college I moved far far away out west.  I told myself it would be a season of two years, and that after the two years I could decide what was next.

And that's exactly what I did.

Then after two years I planned to move far far away to the east.  And I got there and knew without a hint of doubt I didn't want to be there.  I didn't want to be away from home, away from family.  I didn't want to have to start all over again with a new home, new friends, new church, new job, new everything.

I wanted familiarity.

And even though familiarity can be old and boring at times...




I find it's also quite comforting.

What about you?  Do you appreciate the same surroundings or do you prefer leaving home and embarking on numerous new adventures?

We are summering well around here.

Other than a broken grill.  Womp, womp.

Catherine took swimming lessons and did amazingly well!

(no, riding the frog was NOT part of her swimming lessons.)

She's completing her second round of Vacation Bible School at a local church.

I love getting to enroll her in these summer programs!

She also just started soccer.  It's so fun to watch 4 year olds play soccer!


The program she's in meets just once a week, which is totally manageable for Mom and Dad, unlike the first soccer program I looked into, which met three times a week (goodbye, life!), eeek!  The other day out of the blue she said, "I wonder how all my soccer friends are doing."

I love seeing that she is thinking of others.

I know too she is missing her preschool buddies.  It kind of broke my heart when she mentioned seeing them at her new preschool this fall, as she didn't realize they weren't changing schools with her.

I (finally) got a smart phone!!  My old (5 years+) phone sadly bit the dust.  I wasn't able to save and transfer my contacts, all my photos and videos, my lists of books to read, movies to see, wish lists for myself and for Catherine, cute quotes by Catherine, inspirational thoughts, to do lists, etc. etc. etc.

I guess for a non-smart phone, it held a lot.

Wow, this is really becoming a downer of a post.

We've been car shopping, as we've been a single car family for almost 6 weeks now.  If all goes as planned, tomorrow may change that.  I'll post details after the fact.

Other summer activities have included ice cream, dvd's, coffee with friends, the inflatable pool in our backyard, a little family getaway, and welcoming our new niece Emma Joy.  For some reason when we talk about her it's not just Emma.  It's Emma Joy.  So, we'll see how long that lasts.



So many other things going on, but I'll have to save them for another post, as I can barely keep my eyes open now.


Are you following along at Very Sleepy Girl's facebook page or Instagram?  If not, I encourage you to do so!

I hate car shopping.

There.  I said it.

With a 4 year old soaking up everything I say (Seriously!  Last month I overheard her repeatedly tell another customer at a restaurant, "My mommy likes milkshakes, but they make her sick." because I had mentioned it to someone a few days prior), I try to avoid using the word "hate", and instead usually say, "can't stand".

But I am using "hate" now.

Maybe because my daughter can't read my blog.

Or maybe because I'm full of passion regarding how I feel about car shopping right now.

We drove 55 miles one way for an appointment to test drive a Prius.  We had been in communication with the dealership for days, and it finally worked out with our schedule for this afternoon.  We arranged child care because I knew there was no way we were taking a 4 year old with us to sit through the car buying process.  And off we went on our journey.

Are you familiar with the term "bait and switch"?

Let's just say it's strange that a car would be sold and yet the dealership would still confirm with us that we were still coming.  Rather than tell us with common courtesy that the car sold.

I don't know if the car actually existed even.

Regardless, I had no interest in dealing with a company like that.  And I had no problem letting them know that.

I thanked them for the complimentary water, and we were on our way.


What a waste.

I'm just ready for this day to be over.

And for us to magically just have a vehicle dropped in our laps.

Ok, not literally.

It is a battle that doesn't end.

This evening I had oatmeal for dinner.
I was in pajamas by 8.
And I saw two random cats in our backyard.

TWO!

They're coming for me...

I'm destined to become a crazy cat lady!!

But until that happens I thought I'd share a quickie recipe with ya'll.

If you know me at all, you know that cooking is NOT my thing.  NOT my gift.  NOT my jam (as the kids say nowadays).

But sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  Cuz leftovers can only last so long.

Tonight's dinner idea started with blueberries I found in the fridge.  I decided on oatmeal with blueberries.  I've been trying to boost my protein intake the last couple weeks, so I was happy to see eggs on sale and 50% off with Target's Cartwheel deals.  Since we have a TON, I started looking for a baked oatmeal recipe in order to at least use one.

Since it was already late, I didn't want to go the traditional route of using an actual oven to bake the oatmeal, so I started looking online for a microwave baked version.  And, big surprise, I just ended up coming up with my own recipe.  Here it is:

Easy Microwave Baked Blueberry Oatmeal

1/2 cup quick oats (I added extra)
1/2 cup milk (I used fat-free lactose free, so I think anything would work)
1 egg
Cinnamon
Brown sugar
Blueberries

Mix above ingredients in a large bowl and microwave 2-4 minutes.  Bowl will be scorching hot.  Top with milk and more blueberries, and eat while in jammies surrounded by cats.

So, seriously, you know if I share a recipe with ya'll, it has GOT to be easy because when it comes to cooking, easy is all I do.  There's my guaranteed seal of approval.

And THIS tells you it was good!


Thanks for following along with me!  I'm happy to say the blog got a much needed design update this week, thanks to my amazing sister-in-law.  I'm still working on some details, but feel free to take a look around and let me know what you think!

A couple weeks ago I started noticing this annoying, persistent cough.

I didn't mention much of it, but I just had a feeling it was more than "just a cough."

I just knew.

But who wants to talk about being sick?  Who wants to hear about others being sick?

Well, I am sick of being sick!

Last week I was diagnosed with pneumonia.

I had a feeling.

Don't know why; it's not like I've ever had pneumonia before.

I did a bunch of resting this past weekend.  It was our annual Cabin Weekend Getaway with my side of the family.  At least I thought I did a bunch of resting.



I thought I was getting better.  And then I had another follow-up today.  I'm now starting my 3rd round of antibiotics.  I'm also on an inhaler, steroids, and breathing treatments.

And, to be honest, I'm getting discouraged.

Today was rough.  My coughing led to gagging, which led to dry heaving and eventual puking.  All with my daughter watching, wondering what was wrong with Mommy.  This was while I was trying to get her and myself ready to leave the house for preschool.

Oh, and then randomly, the power went out.  Ugh.  (It is SO cute though, by the way, to see how Catherine responds when this happens.  After we were all loaded up with coats, purse, backpack, laptop bag, trying to leave the house when she suddenly had to go to the bathroom.  She went into the bathroom, "Oh, the power's out in here too!"  And then when I started the mini-van, "Yea!  The power's not out in the car!")

I'm forcing myself to rest.  But, it's hard to rest when you're caring for a four year old and have to do things like leave the house and buy cereal.

My husband's been doing a ton around the house the last couple weeks.  And I'm grateful that my parents have been able to come over every now and then to help watch C-Bug.  Thankfully, husband's busy season is primarily over, and now it's a season of transition as he wraps up the school year.

Other things in transition too, including this blog.  Soon, it will get a fresh look, thanks to my amazing sister-in-law, and I couldn't be happier about it!

Keep on resting.

Cats and voting.  What do they have in common???  Good question.

A couple weeks ago I was attending a parade that turned out to be full of political candidates.  They and their people were walking along both sides of the street greeting folks, shaking hands, passing out candy, flyers, water bottles, and photos.

This man who appeared to be a bit socially awkward (or, let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was just focused on his task), came up directly to me, handed me a photo, and said, "My wife wants you to have this."

I recounted this story later to my friend who was also at the parade a few blocks after me on the other side of the street.  That must have been the side the political candidate was on, unlike the husband side I was on.  My friend told me that the politician came up to her, searching through a stack of photos in order to find just the right one for my friend.

After a few seconds of flipping through the photos, she gave her a picture of a barn.

My photo, on the other hand, was of a cat.

A cat.

A cat!

I'm not a cat person!

But for some reason I was destined to receive a photo of a cat that day.

And my friend wouldn't say she's a barn person!  But something about her said barn to the politician apparently!

I know nothing about that politician.  But when I was looking at the list of candidates for today's primary election, hers was the only name that stood out in her group of four candidates, so guess what.  I'll probably vote for her.

Just a little love from one cat lady to another.

People often go to church, thinking that's where they'll find God.  But often times God shows up where and when we least expect it.

At my weekly Moms Group we share "Selah moments" - taking the time to pause and reflect and see and share how God has shown up.  I was so excited to share last week about this . . .

At the end of our 3,441 mile road trip last week, we were literally pulling into the driveway at midnight on a Saturday night.  A long day after a long trip.  I wasn't ready to commit to getting up and around early the next day for church.  Until I remembered what was going on at a church in our neighboring town.

Baptism

There are lots of ways to define or describe baptism.  One way I would is to say it is an outward symbol of an inner change.

My dear friend's brother was being baptized, and I did not want to miss it.

After spending 10 years in a life celebrating sin, he had changed.  God showed up and changed him.  And I gotta say, I did not expect it.


I think of all the prayers prayed over all those years, and, to be honest, I did not expect this.  God showed up, and God surprised me.  I think God surprised a lot of people with this one.

So, I wanted to be there to celebrate.

And I wasn't the only one.

Catherine has been really curious about baptism lately.  When she heard there was going to be a baptism, she wanted to be there too.

It was a powerful service, and the Spirit was stirring in the hearts of the people there.  People made decisions to follow Jesus, and people made decisions to be baptized.  Those being baptized shared their stories.  Stories of redemption, stories of forgiveness, stories of victory, stories of grace.  Stories of Jesus and the power of His transforming salvation.

And Catherine got to hear all those stories.  We celebrated with happy hearts, applauding hands, and teary eyes.

Photo by Amber Wilkinson

And God continued to show up.

That evening at dinner, as she had been doing for a couple days, Catherine eagerly volunteered to pray before we ate.  She started with her usual mumbled and quiet expression of thanks for the food and a simple request for a good day.  Then her voice became loud and bold as she continued,

"Please, God, can I come in your heart?  Please Jesus, can you come into my heart?  Please can you be my Savior from sin?  Amen"

Lifting our heads, Josh and I looked at each other, stunned and wide-eyed, across the table.  That was unexpected for sure.  I mean, it's something we have often discussed together and prayed for.  But I didn't think it would happen already or like that or totally of her own doing.

Well, her doing and His doing.

You just never know when He's working.  In the hearts and lives of grown adults who may have written off God or may have been written off by the church.  Or in the hearts and lives of young, spunky, strong-willed children.

You just never know.

I can't even tell you the number of times I have opened my laptop, opened up a new tab (in addition to the about 144 already open) to this blog, and tried to write.

There are so many things that stop me.  Fill in the blank with a number of excuses...

• I don't have enough time.
• I don't have enough to say.
• I don't have enough inspiration.
• I have too much to say.
• I have nothing "important" to say.
• I don't have enough focus.  Oh, the distractions, all the distractions.

But I'm getting past the excuses right now and forcing myself to post today - even if it's not that good.

Sometimes "good enough" is ok.

Sometimes "good enough" is enough.

I know my last post got a lot of attention (it's now the most read post on my blog), and I think I feel some unwanted pressure now to make the next post IE this post something just as noteworthy and dramatic.  But that's just not how I'm feeling right now.

How am I feeling?

Well, I've been feeling "off" lately.

We just returned from another massive road trip (if you follow my Facebook or Instagram page, you already know these details, right?).  It was long.  And good.

9 states in 9 days.  Slept in 7 of those states.  3,441 miles later we returned home

And it's been so hard to adjust to being back.  Back to normal life.

But getting back into the routine of pre-school and my mama's group is helping.

Josh is in his super busy season where he's doing eleven and a half hour days.  I'm having to come up with lots of things to do to get through the days.  Fortunately, this season doesn't last much longer.

We were recipients of amazing hospitality from friends as we traveled in Iowa, Nebraska, and Montana.  I got to spend a lot of time reading too, which I have only recently started really enjoying.

The Fringe Hours by Jessica Turner
Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist
And It Was Beautiful by Kara Tippetts

The trip itself was rather last-minute, and I realized in the midst of it just how unprepared we were, but I'm so glad we did it.  Gotta take advantage of the Spring Break perk Hubby gets as a teacher!

We saw some beautiful parts of our country (as well as some really boring parts, to be honest), and it was fun to see Catherine experience it.  She was 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 for our previous trips and didn't really remember them.  We all started off a little rocky, but I was impressed by how well she did.  Some times she was even content just to sit there - with no entertainment of books or toys or games!



Until the next adventure!

I've attempted multiple blog posts in the last few days.
But things have just been off.
The timing.
Availability.
Computer and photo issues.
Inspiration.

And this blog post I didn't plan to write.

But sometimes the feelings are too great to keep inside.
The thoughts and the pain have to come out.
And, for now anyways, this is where they land.




It's just a stroller.
And a car seat.

But now they are officially for sale.

"Gently used" the ad reads.

We went gender neutral on everything.  Even though we knew we were having a girl.

"We'll have two and then see." was always our answer when people asked us how many kids we wanted.  Either that or "Two to four."

One was never an option.
One was never our plans.

I always wanted a big family.
Big families have more fun.
I learned that from The Cosby Show.

The last few weeks have been rough.
Too rough to detail.

Last week was the 5 year mark from finding out we were pregnant with Catherine.
5 years.
Thanks, Facebook, for the reminder.
I went to bed early that night.
Cried myself to sleep.
Feeling broken that I can't reach that status again.
Like my body has failed me.
Betrayed me.

My hopes and plans and desires have been battered and abandoned.
I'm left without them.
Laying helpless with a part of me ripped out and gaping open.


But God.

But God knows the plans He has for me.

But God will take all that He has made and use it for good.

And what was intended for the negative, God will use for good.

He is good and He is faithful and He is loving.
In the midst of my pain, He is my comfort.

I sing it.
I say it.
I believe it.
And I remind myself of it.

Catherine's first ride in the stroller

As a teacher, my husband doesn't do a TON of out of town travel for work, but in the last month or so, he's been gone twice for conferences.

I shared the other day about what I did while he was gone for the first trip.

Leading up to the second trip, I was completely stressed.

I don't know why.
Maybe because he'd be gone for multiple nights.
Maybe because they were predicting a blizzard just before he left.
Maybe because he was going to be gone over my birthday.
Yes, my entire birthday.

Maybe because he does all the shoveling, and I was going to be alone right after a blizzard and knew I had to find a way out of the driveway and knew I had to somehow clear the driveway for company coming over.  (Because, after all, a girl shouldn't have to spend her birthday night alone!)

Even the bobble-head owl has had enough.

Regardless, I was a mess.

The day before he was to leave we were texting.  I shared about how the weather was messing up so many of my plans and about how stressed and anxious I was feeling.

He replied,

"Don't worry about the shoveling. I messaged {insert name of man from church who has a snow plow} to see if he could check on you and plow you out so you won't have to do it.  I take care of my girls."

It was just as simple as that.
A reminder that I didn't need to worry or obsess or stress or try to control it all.
A reminder that he takes care of us.
He sees those he loves and knows our needs and provides for us.

Oh, how it reminded me of our Heavenly Father.
How sometimes I try to control it all, thinking that it's up to me to know what's going on and to try to be in charge of it all.  When really all I need to do is trust that He knows the situation.  He knows me, and he knows my needs.  And He will provide.

And sure enough.  At the perfect time, our snow plowing friend showed up and cleared the driveway.


Obviously I have no control over the weather.  What else am I trying to handle when really I need to release and let God manage it?

What might you be trying to control when you need to give it up and give the reins back to the Father?

Your job?
Your kids?
Your lack of kids?
Your passions?
Your future?
Your marriage?
Your singleness?
Your housing situation?
Your health?
Your appearance?


God, thank you that my life is in your hands.  Help me to remember that I don't need to worry about controlling it all.  Help me to give up control and trust in your provisions.