We are summering well around here.

Other than a broken grill.  Womp, womp.

Catherine took swimming lessons and did amazingly well!

(no, riding the frog was NOT part of her swimming lessons.)

She's completing her second round of Vacation Bible School at a local church.

I love getting to enroll her in these summer programs!

She also just started soccer.  It's so fun to watch 4 year olds play soccer!


The program she's in meets just once a week, which is totally manageable for Mom and Dad, unlike the first soccer program I looked into, which met three times a week (goodbye, life!), eeek!  The other day out of the blue she said, "I wonder how all my soccer friends are doing."

I love seeing that she is thinking of others.

I know too she is missing her preschool buddies.  It kind of broke my heart when she mentioned seeing them at her new preschool this fall, as she didn't realize they weren't changing schools with her.

I (finally) got a smart phone!!  My old (5 years+) phone sadly bit the dust.  I wasn't able to save and transfer my contacts, all my photos and videos, my lists of books to read, movies to see, wish lists for myself and for Catherine, cute quotes by Catherine, inspirational thoughts, to do lists, etc. etc. etc.

I guess for a non-smart phone, it held a lot.

Wow, this is really becoming a downer of a post.

We've been car shopping, as we've been a single car family for almost 6 weeks now.  If all goes as planned, tomorrow may change that.  I'll post details after the fact.

Other summer activities have included ice cream, dvd's, coffee with friends, the inflatable pool in our backyard, a little family getaway, and welcoming our new niece Emma Joy.  For some reason when we talk about her it's not just Emma.  It's Emma Joy.  So, we'll see how long that lasts.



So many other things going on, but I'll have to save them for another post, as I can barely keep my eyes open now.


Are you following along at Very Sleepy Girl's facebook page or Instagram?  If not, I encourage you to do so!

It is a battle that doesn't end.

A couple weeks ago I started noticing this annoying, persistent cough.

I didn't mention much of it, but I just had a feeling it was more than "just a cough."

I just knew.

But who wants to talk about being sick?  Who wants to hear about others being sick?

Well, I am sick of being sick!

Last week I was diagnosed with pneumonia.

I had a feeling.

Don't know why; it's not like I've ever had pneumonia before.

I did a bunch of resting this past weekend.  It was our annual Cabin Weekend Getaway with my side of the family.  At least I thought I did a bunch of resting.



I thought I was getting better.  And then I had another follow-up today.  I'm now starting my 3rd round of antibiotics.  I'm also on an inhaler, steroids, and breathing treatments.

And, to be honest, I'm getting discouraged.

Today was rough.  My coughing led to gagging, which led to dry heaving and eventual puking.  All with my daughter watching, wondering what was wrong with Mommy.  This was while I was trying to get her and myself ready to leave the house for preschool.

Oh, and then randomly, the power went out.  Ugh.  (It is SO cute though, by the way, to see how Catherine responds when this happens.  After we were all loaded up with coats, purse, backpack, laptop bag, trying to leave the house when she suddenly had to go to the bathroom.  She went into the bathroom, "Oh, the power's out in here too!"  And then when I started the mini-van, "Yea!  The power's not out in the car!")

I'm forcing myself to rest.  But, it's hard to rest when you're caring for a four year old and have to do things like leave the house and buy cereal.

My husband's been doing a ton around the house the last couple weeks.  And I'm grateful that my parents have been able to come over every now and then to help watch C-Bug.  Thankfully, husband's busy season is primarily over, and now it's a season of transition as he wraps up the school year.

Other things in transition too, including this blog.  Soon, it will get a fresh look, thanks to my amazing sister-in-law, and I couldn't be happier about it!

Keep on resting.

I've attempted multiple blog posts in the last few days.
But things have just been off.
The timing.
Availability.
Computer and photo issues.
Inspiration.

And this blog post I didn't plan to write.

But sometimes the feelings are too great to keep inside.
The thoughts and the pain have to come out.
And, for now anyways, this is where they land.




It's just a stroller.
And a car seat.

But now they are officially for sale.

"Gently used" the ad reads.

We went gender neutral on everything.  Even though we knew we were having a girl.

"We'll have two and then see." was always our answer when people asked us how many kids we wanted.  Either that or "Two to four."

One was never an option.
One was never our plans.

I always wanted a big family.
Big families have more fun.
I learned that from The Cosby Show.

The last few weeks have been rough.
Too rough to detail.

Last week was the 5 year mark from finding out we were pregnant with Catherine.
5 years.
Thanks, Facebook, for the reminder.
I went to bed early that night.
Cried myself to sleep.
Feeling broken that I can't reach that status again.
Like my body has failed me.
Betrayed me.

My hopes and plans and desires have been battered and abandoned.
I'm left without them.
Laying helpless with a part of me ripped out and gaping open.


But God.

But God knows the plans He has for me.

But God will take all that He has made and use it for good.

And what was intended for the negative, God will use for good.

He is good and He is faithful and He is loving.
In the midst of my pain, He is my comfort.

I sing it.
I say it.
I believe it.
And I remind myself of it.

Catherine's first ride in the stroller

You guys.  I STILL do not have a smart phone.

But now I have an Instagram.

It's so crazy that I just wrote that.

Seriously, for my first IG (how us cool 30-something year olds abbreviate Instagram) post, I arranged this great cup of coffee in my Magnolia Farms (Magnolia Market?  You know that whole Chip and JoJo Fixer Upper company) mug on my awesome second hand turquoise painted coffee table with our big picture window behind it and clicked on the button to take the pic, and it started taking video!

Ha!

I will never be tech cool.

(Ooh, try saying "tech cool" out loud a few times.  Fun.)

Hubs had the last 5 days off, and it was awesome.

Let's be real.  Sometimes I get so used to my routine Monday through Friday that when he's here I struggle.  But this long weekend was so great!  I felt like he was actually HOME the whole time.  Not distracted by work issues and work commitments.  And Catherine stayed a night with her grandparents, so we got to do whatever parents do when their child is away.  Yah know, binge watch episodes of Gilmore Girls.

But life is more than Gilmore Girls and Instagram.  Here's something a bit more meaningful:  my "job" now that my other job is over is basically my daughter.  I'm not always good at that job, but I keep plugging away because I believe it is of greatest importance.

Sunday morning while I was getting ready for church I mentioned to Catherine that I would not be in the "big church" with her and Daddy because I was going to be working in the nursery that day.

So she said, "Why are you working in the nursery?"
And since I was having a bad attitude about having to work in the nursery I sighed and said, "That's a good question, dear."

See, I am not gifted in nursery duty.  God bless those who are.  They are important and necessary people.  But I will never be one of them.  I am gifted in other areas and serve in other areas that are a much better fit.  When I'm in the nursery, it is not a good fit.  It is like a pair of too tight jeans.  You just can't be comfortable in them.  You're miserable when you sit.  You're not any better when you stand.  Your underwear starts riding up, and you can't wait to just get home and get them off!

Or is that just me?...

Well, after awhile God worked on my heart and He surprised me by having my fellow nursery worker that day be one of my newest fellow mama friends who I really rarely get to visit with.

So, later, with a softer heart and after coffee, I was able to have another convo with Catherine.

"Catherine, you remember how you asked mommy why I had to work in the nursery this morning?"

"Yah."

"Well, you know the two most important things we can do are to love God and to love others.  There are lots of ways to show love to others.  You showed love to your preschool classmates by making them Valentines cards the other day.  You and Daddy showed love to Mommy this morning by making me cards and letting me sleep in.  One way I can show love to others is by serving them.  I can serve them by working in the nursery and watching their babies so they can learn more about God by being in the big church without being distracted by having to take care of their children during that time."


It was like I couldn't wait to have that follow-up conversation once it clicked in my heart.  I'm so glad God gave me that opportunity to talk about love with my four-year-old.  I pray my heart is always open to other such teachable moments with her.  There are a lot of important values and lessons to be teaching my daughter, but since Jesus said the greatest thing we should do is to love God and love others, that's what I'm trying to focus on.  One real-life example at a time.

I had this horrible realization last night:

Valentine's Week had totally snuck up on me!  I needed to A) buy supplies to make Valentines with Catherine for her preschool party this week AND B) solidify my idea for a teachers' gift, buy supplies, create, and deliver 64 Valentines gifts to the elementary school I serve.

I was already going to bed WAY too late, but I just determined that when I woke up, I would have to put the pedal to the metal and go, go, go!!!

Because a chiropractor appointment also snuck up on me, Catherine joined me for that this morning.  I prepped her about expectations for her behavior and expectations of what Mommy would be doing and not doing during the appointment.  We packed snacks for her, and she basically left a trail of Cheerios wherever we went.

Up next we went to a friend's house for an indoor moving sale.  There were tons of things to look at, so I sent Catherine to play with my friend's daughter.  The next thing I know the girls have gotten into stuff they weren't supposed to, and Catherine has literally gotten into something she shouldn't have.  She had put her finger in a bottle of hot tub test strips (I had never heard of such a thing before today) and gotten it stuck.

My friend (not me) had the sense to remove the cap from the bottle.

She couldn't get it unstuck.
I couldn't get it unstuck.
Baby oil didn't help.
I started thinking we were going to have to go to the ER to get this stupid bottle removed.



At one point or another, Catherine, myself, my friend, my friend's daughter, my friend's husband, my friend's mother, and one other lady to whom I was never introduced were all gathered in my friend's bathroom trying to solve the problem.

After awhile some sort of heavy duty wire cutters were brought in (hold me, Jesus!), but there was no way I could even attempt to use them.  So my friend's mom (who apparently has some sort of medical training) stepped up.  God bless her.  I had never even met her before.  She worked hard and carefully with the heavy duty cutters and then also floral wire cutters to set Catherine's finger free finally.

Taking a break mid-cutting to ice the finger

Yep, quite a bit swollen

Dunkin

Needless to say, the day was not at all what I had planned.  By the time we were done there, Catherine just wanted to go home instead of Target for our Valentine errands, and I couldn't really blame her.  It was exhausting emotionally to take part in that.  Unfortunately, she only napped about 30-45 minutes, and the rest of the afternoon was pretty much down the crapper.

Then Daddy was delayed in getting home, which drives me even further off the crazy cliff.

Pretty much the only resolution to the day was for Mommy to get away by herself.

My happy place - Target with Starbucks

Thankfully I also came to the conclusion that A) Catherine will give pre-made Valentines to her classmates and B) Instead of individualized teacher's gifts like last year with 64 individually decorated and assembled gifts, I can deliver a stack of cups, containers of tea, and one note saying, "We think you're TEA-riffic!  Help yourself to a cup!" in order to save myself hours of time and sanity (do you measure sanity in hours??).  Hallelujah!

Last year's Valentines gift to the teachers.  This year will be different.

You just never know what each day is going to hold!

With a name like Very Sleepy Girl, it shouldn't surprise you that I am often tired.

Some days of being endlessly on the go, I get home and just want to sit on my Ikea Ektorp sofa, put my slipper covered feet up on my second-hand painted coffee table, and just rest for a moment.

But, a certain four-year-old in my house expects three meals a day.

Thankfully we've got her doing a self-serve breakfast most days, but that still leaves two other meals to prepare.

Every now and then, I'll do one of these Fill in the Blanks/Finish this Sentence type blog posts.  Living In Yellow did one, so I felt inspired to do so, as well.

Throwing a fit about:  Facebook not working for me.  I was having problems with it last night.  Just tried again this afternoon, and ... even worse.  Grrrr.  Oh well, it's probably a good thing, as it is likely my biggest time waster online.

I hate winter.

I say this every year.

Fortunately, we had a really "warm" December.

Unfortunately, it spoiled me.

Now the reality has hit.


Don't get me wrong:  it's pretty.  If I don't have to go out in it.

But on the days I do have to go out in it ...

in the bitter cold,
on narrow county roads,
full of icy intersections,
and sudden massive drifts of snow from countless open fields,
to, not only take my girl to preschool,
but also pick up her classmate from his babysitter's,
his Amish babysitter,
who I have no way of contacting,
and then when the car doesn't start...

Oh my, let's just say, there were tears.
Tears and prayers.

And frantic phone calls.

And my oh so helpful daughter was saying things like, "You have to make it start, mommy."

Thanks...

I got to the point where I had done everything I could think of, and I said to myself, "I'll just give it one more try."

And this time it sounded a bit different.

Like it was actually trying.

Like it could actually work.

I gave it some gas, and it revved up.

I heard the Hallelujah Chorus, and off we were on our way.

Oh, sweet hearts, do you feel like me and my van?

Thinking you just can't do another day.

Just can't keep fighting another battle with what you are facing in life.
Just can't keep trying in a broken, loveless marriage.
Just can't keep giving of your sleep, your strength, your entire self for your needy children.
Just can't keep putting in all the efforts into another area that goes unappreciated and unrecognized.

Whatever you have to do, whisper, declare, speak, yell, or proclaim to yourself, "I'll just give it one more try."

 
And don't allow yourself to carry the burden on your own.  Get help.
Open up.  Be vulnerable.  Share with someone who can help.

Maybe it means seeking counseling from a pastor or a mentor couple in order to hit the refresh button on your marriage.
Maybe it means a friend watching your kids while you go treat yourself to a cup of coffee, a matinee, or a nap.
Maybe it means better self care and giving yourself permission to take care of you.
Maybe it means removing extraneous obligations and activities from your schedule so you can focus on the passions that really motivate you.

Reflect on what God is placing on your heart right now, and see what you can do to give it one more try.

I keep opening all these tabs on my computer with articles like

• How to Simplify Christmas
• Christmas Traditions
• Simplifying Christmas Traditions 
• What You Really Need this Christmas
• What You Don't Need this Christmas
• How to Simplify Your Kids' Christmas
• Clutter-Free Gifts for this Christmas
• Creating a Meaningful Christmas

And in the process I'm cluttering up my computer screen, my mind, my feeling of having more on that blasted To Do list; I've gotta read all these articles now and implement them into our lives - quickly, like last month!  And figure out what to do when some of the different articles by different authors contradict each other.  Gah!  Hello, stress!

And, for the love of Martha Steweart, WHAT do people mean when they say, "Are you ready for Christmas?"

Clearly I will NEVER be ready!

And then I got to thinking...

What if I stop trying to do all these things that other people keep telling me I have to do?

(And most of these people are people who I don't even know in real life!)

Oh, the freedom.
Oh, the release.

Letting go of somebody else's expectations.

Letting go of my own expectations.

My daughter is four.  She doesn't have any expectations honestly!  This is the first year she's shown interest in anticipation of Christmas.  She doesn't care how many different goodies we bake (or if we bake any!).  She doesn't care about the number of gifts she gets or what kind of gifts she gets (although, she would probably enjoy it more if it's more than just clothes.  Even I remember not getting too excited about clothes at Christmas time!).  She doesn't care about making sure we have traditions.  She barely knows about Santa, let alone an Elf on the Shelf (thank goodness, because I am NOT about to do that thing!).

What if, instead of planning what events we fill our family's schedule with for Christmas Eve, we instead spent time with our each other and off our screens?

What if we made memories as a family, instead of being jealous of others' families posted on Instagram?

What if we looked at our loved ones' faces, rather than at Facebook?

What if we just relax and be, instead of plan and do?

If I say the focus of Christmas is celebrating Christ's coming to earth, do I show I believe it by what I do?  Or am I making our culture's traditions and expectations the priority of this season?

You can add this blog post to your own To Do list - another article telling you what to do or not do this Christmas.  Or you can be encouraged by it and contemplate your own priorities and expectations and choose to focus on what really matters.

I want to be in a Book Club, but it's pretty rare that I actually finish books.  When I am reading and actually do complete a book, I am quite proud of my accomplishment.

Maybe I should be in a Movie Club instead.  Well, actually I don't watch movies frequently either.

Hmm, maybe I just want to be in a club.

I like people, and I like talking with people.

Let me be your friend.

Anybody else remember that sketch on Saturday Night Live with Adam Sandler and Chris Farley?  "Let me water your plants."  "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET THE BOY WATER YOUR PLANTS!"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers that!?

It's November 19th, and I'm still wearing sandals.  I figure until we get snow on the ground, I'll keep showing my toes.  Especially since they look pretty.



November 19th sounds familiar.  I think it was maybe our due date for Catherine.  I feel like most people would remember important dates like that.  I'm not so good with dates or numbers or remembering things.

Somebody bought my drink today at a local coffee house.

For a mom of a toddler

I don't know who, but I'm grateful.  Grateful for the free coffee and for the reminder:

Enjoy these years; your time is a gift.

This local coffee house has a bulletin board by the cash register with random drinks posted for particular people.  For example, "Drink for a cancer survivor." or "Drink for a firefighter" or "Drink for a police officer."  It was a nice little treat to find one I could use.

Today is a momentous day for me.  It's the first day since Friday that I'm going about my day without physical assistance.

Friday evening I injured my back.  Just scooting back in my seat in my vehicle, I felt sudden pain.  Within a couple hours I couldn't stand up straight.  Saturday morning I couldn't walk.  No, literally, COULD.NOT.WALK.  I got to a point where I said to Josh while laying in bed mid-morning, "I don't know how I'm going to pee!!"  I crawled to the bathroom.

Since then I've fluctuated between really bad, bad, and ok.  Josh helped me over the weekend, and my parents have been helping since he's been back at work.  I'm definitely doing better today, and I feel good mentally and emotionally about where things are and that I'm getting help and getting better.

I've had back pain off and on over the years, but it was never this bad.  It was scary.  My back was fine if I was laying down, but you can't live life laying down.

In addition, Catherine was sick this week.  She's had serious past breathing problems, so I'm always extra cautious when it comes to her health.

Getting the two of us better has been my priority this week, and work has been almost non-existent.  But now that I'm doing better, I can turn my attention back to that.

Oh, and I'm happy to report that our washing machine was able to be fixed!  That was a long month without one!!