The blog post I didn't plan to write

March 22, 2016

I've attempted multiple blog posts in the last few days.
But things have just been off.
The timing.
Computer and photo issues.

And this blog post I didn't plan to write.

But sometimes the feelings are too great to keep inside.
The thoughts and the pain have to come out.
And, for now anyways, this is where they land.

It's just a stroller.
And a car seat.

But now they are officially for sale.

"Gently used" the ad reads.

We went gender neutral on everything.  Even though we knew we were having a girl.

"We'll have two and then see." was always our answer when people asked us how many kids we wanted.  Either that or "Two to four."

One was never an option.
One was never our plans.

I always wanted a big family.
Big families have more fun.
I learned that from The Cosby Show.

The last few weeks have been rough.
Too rough to detail.

Last week was the 5 year mark from finding out we were pregnant with Catherine.
5 years.
Thanks, Facebook, for the reminder.
I went to bed early that night.
Cried myself to sleep.
Feeling broken that I can't reach that status again.
Like my body has failed me.
Betrayed me.

My hopes and plans and desires have been battered and abandoned.
I'm left without them.
Laying helpless with a part of me ripped out and gaping open.

But God.

But God knows the plans He has for me.

But God will take all that He has made and use it for good.

And what was intended for the negative, God will use for good.

He is good and He is faithful and He is loving.
In the midst of my pain, He is my comfort.

I sing it.
I say it.
I believe it.
And I remind myself of it.

"I admit how broken I am in body and spirit,
but God is my strength, and He will be mine forever."

Catherine's first ride in the stroller

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  1. Hugs! It's so hard when our dreams and plans don't turn out the way we planned. I've learned that in ways I never imagined I would. Praying for you and whatever you are going through right now!


  2. Jennifer-I know that there are no words which will give you comfort other than I love you and cherish you as the wife of my son and mother of our sweet Catherine. You've poured yourself into their lives. My heart hurts for you.

  3. Hugs! I'm so sorry you are hurting :( God has great wonderful plans for you, Josh and just need to be patient. It happens in His time, not ours. I know you know this....and I know sometimes it's hard to deal with even when we know it. Praying for you!! You're a great mom to Catherine and a great wife to your husband....don't ever forget that!


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