So, this is really recent and still pretty raw, but there's a message behind it that I believe is worth sharing.

Remember that work-from-home job that I picked up just a few months ago?
Yah.
I recently made the really hard decision to leave that job.

There were great things about that job and even greater potential.
But I really felt God telling me that it was taking me away from my family and that it just wasn't the right time for that job.

It's been really deflating and discouraging.
So I started asking myself "Why?"
"Why is it so devastating to leave that behind?"

And I came to realize that I was really struggling with the thought of losing the title "work from home mom".
I hated losing that defining part of my identity.

There are a lot of different layers and aspects of my identity, and the truth is, many of them are fleeting.  I mean, in all honesty, many things that I use to define myself could be snatched away in an instant.

Wife
Mom
Work from home mom

Any of that could change overnight, so I can't get caught up in allowing my identity to come from those things.

I have to remind myself that it is my identity in Christ that is constant, never changing.

Yes, I can still describe myself in ways such as "wife" and "mom" in an effort to find commonality with some readers.  But I also have to look at the qualifiers that I am or that I have just because of who God says I am.

So, here are some reminders.  Mainly for myself.  But maybe also for you.  Maybe you are struggling with your identity too.  Consider what is fleeting and what is constant.  I want to be grounded in the things of the never changing Father.


This list is something I received from my Moms' Group, and it would be a great list to study further and even add to.  Can I encourage you to skim the list and see what truth reaches out and speaks to you? 

Maybe you need reminding that you are His child.
Maybe you need to remember that you are His chosen one.
Maybe it's the reminder that you are redeemed and made new in Christ.

These are the things I cling to as my circumstances change and my boat gets rocked through the waves of life.

Who Am I?

I am the salt of the earth. (Matthew 5:13)

I want to be in a Book Club, but it's pretty rare that I actually finish books.  When I am reading and actually do complete a book, I am quite proud of my accomplishment.

Maybe I should be in a Movie Club instead.  Well, actually I don't watch movies frequently either.

Hmm, maybe I just want to be in a club.

I like people, and I like talking with people.

Let me be your friend.

Anybody else remember that sketch on Saturday Night Live with Adam Sandler and Chris Farley?  "Let me water your plants."  "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET THE BOY WATER YOUR PLANTS!"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers that!?

It's November 19th, and I'm still wearing sandals.  I figure until we get snow on the ground, I'll keep showing my toes.  Especially since they look pretty.



November 19th sounds familiar.  I think it was maybe our due date for Catherine.  I feel like most people would remember important dates like that.  I'm not so good with dates or numbers or remembering things.

Somebody bought my drink today at a local coffee house.

For a mom of a toddler

I don't know who, but I'm grateful.  Grateful for the free coffee and for the reminder:

Enjoy these years; your time is a gift.

This local coffee house has a bulletin board by the cash register with random drinks posted for particular people.  For example, "Drink for a cancer survivor." or "Drink for a firefighter" or "Drink for a police officer."  It was a nice little treat to find one I could use.

Today is a momentous day for me.  It's the first day since Friday that I'm going about my day without physical assistance.

Friday evening I injured my back.  Just scooting back in my seat in my vehicle, I felt sudden pain.  Within a couple hours I couldn't stand up straight.  Saturday morning I couldn't walk.  No, literally, COULD.NOT.WALK.  I got to a point where I said to Josh while laying in bed mid-morning, "I don't know how I'm going to pee!!"  I crawled to the bathroom.

Since then I've fluctuated between really bad, bad, and ok.  Josh helped me over the weekend, and my parents have been helping since he's been back at work.  I'm definitely doing better today, and I feel good mentally and emotionally about where things are and that I'm getting help and getting better.

I've had back pain off and on over the years, but it was never this bad.  It was scary.  My back was fine if I was laying down, but you can't live life laying down.

In addition, Catherine was sick this week.  She's had serious past breathing problems, so I'm always extra cautious when it comes to her health.

Getting the two of us better has been my priority this week, and work has been almost non-existent.  But now that I'm doing better, I can turn my attention back to that.

Oh, and I'm happy to report that our washing machine was able to be fixed!  That was a long month without one!!

Things I Love Right Now

• pockets (sadly, 99% of what I wear doesn't have pockets.  However, I have a pair of pants that are thicker and, therefore, worn more during the colder months that has pockets.  Needless to say, I've been delighted to wear them in the recent days.)

• apple cider (I just had my first of the season.  Always a great fall staple!)
  
• updates from old friends (just heard from a friend from long ago in California)

• dance parties with my family (in the kitchen, in the car, at Charissa's reception... There has been a lot of family dancing lately.  It's so fun!)

• the phrase "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." (I am holding on tight to this one from The Nester as I update our home.)

• updating my Linked In profile (never thought I'd have any interest in this, and it wasn't my plan to even have a Linked In profile, but with my new job, comes lots of new things, and I've realized it is a good thing to boost my online professional appearance.)

• hearing Catherine sing (Lately she's always asking for a CD.  I didn't realize how quickly she was learning new songs until yesterday when she could suddenly sing about 80% of a song she just started listening to.  And it was from a CD of choir songs from my time in LA.)

• making decor updates to our home (in addition to changing our guest bedroom to my office, I'm trying to determine which furniture and other items we can part with.  I also finally painted our front door!)

  Ta-da!  Hooray for this Not a DIY-er!!

• embracing my unique style (Josh and I rarely agree on the same things, so it's not surprising then that we have different styles when it comes to how to decorate and arrange our home.  He has just started to give me more free reign, and I've been strongly drawn to some very unique things - artwork and chairs, specifically.  I'm learning it's ok to have my own quirky style, and it's ok to enjoy quirky things.  One of these days, I'll post pictures of the crazy unique additions.

• my boss (as I struggle to be a professional again and to figure out child care and family dynamics, I'm so grateful for an encouraging boss who sees my positive qualities and seeks to bring out the best in me.  It is a big time of transition, but he is patient and believes that family is a bigger priority than a job.)

When you chew out your father for feeding your daughter dinner . . . you know you're not ok.

I am struggling and stressing and messing up as I try to figure out arrangements for child care while I work from home.

Fortunately, my dad is a very patient, gracious person, and when I apologized to him later he acknowledged that I'm just trying to do the best I can and that I am indeed doing a good job.

Bless his heart.

My current road in life is bumpy.
And curvy.
And slippery.

I'm thankful for rest areas along the way.

And I'm hopeful that the next road will be a bit smoother.
For whenever I get there.

Well, I was on a blogging roll for awhile there.

Maybe it will return.  Sometime.

For now, I continue working and wife-ing and mom-ing.  Lots of learning and adjusting

Josh was off all last week for Fall Break.  He had a birthday.  We enjoyed free "hot donuts now" at Krispy Kreme "late" one night.  Because we could.



We went to Indianapolis for a mini family vacay (cross that off the summer to do list) and my sister-in-law's sister's wedding.  I cried at the wedding and danced at the reception.  I recalled my own wedding.  It's amusing how some of the details are so sketchy (Did we partake in the tradition of kissing when glasses are tapped?  Did we have anything glass at the reception?).  And some details will never leave my memory.

Catherine with her cousins

s'mores as wedding favor

We stayed at a great hotel and had dinner at Cheesecake Factory.  We ooh'ed and ahh'ed over items at Crate & Barrel, and then I informed my husband that I'm very content living a life that does not include spending $5100 on a sofa, just in case he needed reassurance.

Date Night

Catherine's birthday party is quickly coming up - less than two weeks.  So, I'll need to be thinking more about that soon.  We're having the party at a local restaurant/cafe/bakery.  I kept the guest list very short.  It will be a short and sweet - and salty - party.

But of course I can't do anything simply.  So, I plan to make goodie bags/favors for guests.

I'm currently working on a Moms Night Out for my weekly moms' group and planning our church's ladies' Christmas party.

Our washing machine quit working 2 weeks ago.  Mid-cycle.  Just to keep things interesting I guess.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.  And the next couple weeks.

mothering is hard.

fathering is hard.

life is hard.

i'm just shaking my head at my not quite four year old daughter's behavior tonight...

um, like a teenager's behavior.

this is payback for how i treated my mom as a child.  right?  it must be.

ugh.

this day also included our washing machine quitting.  while full of laundry and water.

and it was my first day at my new work-from-home job.

my parents were here to help watch C.

yesterday Josh's parents were here to help move furniture.

i don't know where we'd be without our parents' help.

this evening we went to look at washers and dryers.  catherine was not a fan.

followed by groceries.

and more work.

tomorrow will be easier.  right?

We no longer have a guest room.

Instead, this is now my office.

In addition to needing to spend focused time working on Women's Ministry and my Mamas' Group (have I mentioned I'm on the leadership team for that?), as well as wanting to spend focused time on writing, I now have a part-time, work-from-home job.


And I know in order to actually work, I need a designated place to do the work.

So, here it is.  Definitely a work in progress!  But it's good for now, and I'll keep adding my personal touch to it.

As for my job, I will be doing a lot of hands-on details in running a website for job postings in Northwest Indiana.  The marketing and social media aspects excite me, but I'm also very aware how much I have to learn.

It's been 3 1/2 years since I worked outside the home, and 5 years since I've been in something more like this kind of work.  In all honesty, I'm scared.

Late this afternoon I just reached a place of utter exhaustion and fear.  I suggested Catherine pick out a movie.  I snuggled up on the couch under like five blankets and let myself nap to escape the reality.

But I don't want fear to win.
I'm reminding myself that God made me brave.
God made me to shine.

The same verse I have shared with Catherine I now remind myself of: