It was exactly one month ago today that we first saw the house we planned to buy and move into this fall.

It was beautiful.  In so many ways.

Well cared for.
In a great neighborhood.
Right next to a school.
Big, beautiful shade trees.
A huge living space where I could see us gathering for small group, Bible studies, hosting Mom's Night Out, having birthday parties, and holiday meals.
A bright cheery kitchen with shabby chic cabinets and whitewashed old fence post pieces as a backsplash of sorts.
Hardwood floors, huge windows, a beautiful stone fireplace, a newly updated bathroom with subway tile.
Space for my office.
And space for Catherine.  Space for her to play and spread out.   A basement for a drum set and big toys, where she could toss a ball without having to worry about it hitting and breaking something.  A paved driveway where she was going to learn how to ride a bike.  A tree swing.  And right next door to a playground, soccer goals, basketball hoops, and space to run wild (yet fenced in for my peace of mind).


It was just about perfect.
Oh, and in a town that we love.

And all along, it was our continual prayer that God would show us clearly if this was meant to be our home.  The proverbial doors kept opening wide.  And we kept walking through them.  And kept saying, "As long as God keeps opening the doors, we'll keep walking through them."

Well, yesterday, God clearly closed the door.  The buyers suddenly decided they don't want to sell right now.  "Nothing personal" we were told.  That didn't make the punch to the gut feel any better.  This was completely out of the blue.  We had paperwork written up, revised, and revised again.  We had details figured out.

We had our home 95% staged.  We had a house cleaner booked for Tuesday and a photographer booked for Wednesday.  We had a website created.  And an open house planned.

Mentally and emotionally we were moving this fall.

And now...

Well, I canceled the house cleaner and the photographer.

I had to break the news to Josh.
And Catherine.

Last night we treated ourselves to our favorite restaurant where we ate our feelings.  No, seriously, my "meal" was fried mozzarella sticks and a giant chocolate chip cookie covered in ice cream, chocolate, and caramel.  (The order disgusted even me.)

At some point we'll start unearthing all the bins and boxes we packed up of things we didn't need for a couple months.  We can put the toaster oven and coffee maker back on the kitchen counter.

Having a 95% "show ready" home has re-birthed my desire to host friends, and I'm happy to say we had a family over this morning.  We made a big pot of coffee, and Catherine helped me make muffins.  I even served them on a pretty cake stand that I had set out for staging.

I'm going to use the pretties as I make my guests feel welcome in our yellow farmhouse with the red front door.  And the big front porch.

So, I'm feeling rather giddy right now...

Hubs and I just announced on social media our news that we are planning to sell our house!

Yellow house with the red door

It's a first for us, so everything is new and exciting and overwhelming.

There have been a number of things that we have lived with or ignored or put on the back burner but really need our attention before we can show the house, so that has been consuming our time, energy, actions, and thoughts for the last couple weeks.

Before and after of the linen/storage closet

This all happened suddenly and seemingly randomly, but we feel God is leading us down this path.  And as long as the doors keep opening, we will keep walking through them.

So, as we continue crossing items off our home to do list, we are praying that God will bring us a buyer who can be blessed by this home as much as we have been for the last four years.

So, I did some rearranging in the "front room" and thought I'd share some photos here.  Ya know, in case any of you like seeing home details like I do.  Keep in mind, I have no fancy camera and do not claim to be an expert in any of this.  Just sharing a bit of the Old Yellow Farmhouse.

On the other side of our red front door is our front entryway:

Ta-da!

After spending about 3 or 4 months riding around in my mini van, these second hand chairs finally got to come inside.  The table is a great drop zone for mail, keys, whatever.  The tray helps keep it contained.  Under the table is a crock full of hats and scarves to choose from.  Kind of a necessity during winter.

Handy to have a seating by the front door for putting shoes on/off

Then behind the door here we hang coats and bags.

Confession:  I removed about a dozen sweatshirts and coats before this photo was taken.

Catherine's backpack goes here right by a basket on the piano where I put all her papers from pre-school.

I have learned the importance of having what I refer to as "homes" for every little thing in my home.  So, I created that home for papers early on in the school year.  I'm still determining homes for a lot of odds and ends, which can be really overwhelming as I tackle the clutter and attempt to get better organized.  But that is something I try to remember.  After all, if an item doesn't have a home, it can never be put away.  As a mother trying to teacher her child how to help clean up, I also have to teach her about these homes so that she knows how to put things away.

This shoe cubby is actually repurposed vintage chicken nesting boxes.  When I bought it second hand I didn't know what I was going to do with it, but I knew I had to have it.  (Sometimes I'm stubborn determined like that.)  It was Josh's idea to use it as a shoe cubby, and it totally works.  I love that we were able to come together on this piece taking something that I contribute for its beauty and using in a practical way thanks to hubby's contribution.  The basket is just an easy place for Catherine to put and retrieve her shoes, and it is way too easy to buy shoes (or anything really) for that girl!

Other things of note:  the curtains are from Lowes.  The rug I found at K-Mart after searching tons of stores unsuccessfully (I sometimes still can't believe that store exists).  I like having the letter H for our last name up throughout the house.  The sign above the door I can't remember where it came from, but it says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," and I just think that is a perfect place for it.  The table I think I got from my parents' basement when I set up my own place after moving back to the area.  The 8 gallon crock was from an estate sale.  The piano was a huge blessing gifted from a neighbor.

And that is our front entryway!  Any questions?  Do you have a foyer or are guests immediately in a room once they're in your door?  I always thought I wanted a foyer, but this works.  What's your preference?

I am a reluctant entertainer.

I always like the idea of being hospitable.
Inviting people over.
Hosting people in our home.

When we moved to The Old Yellow Farmhouse I had grand expectations of how we would use our home to welcome people in.

But I always had - and still have - a handful of excuses that prevent me from inviting people over often.

Inviting someone into your home is like inviting someone into a deeper part of your life.  Not just the parts you proudly share on social media, but also the messy parts that typically aren't exposed.

The part I'm not supposed to show

It's revealing.
It's vulnerable.
It's nerve-wracking.

But tomorrow we're doing it.

We're having guests over for dinner.

Of course I'm feeling all last minute frantic and insecure.  So, what do I do?  I decide the pillows and throw on the grey couch need to go on the green couch, and the pillows and throw on the green couch need to go on the grey couch.

For crying out loud, the kitchen table STILL has a toy cash register on it, but I'm swapping out decorative pillows.  UGH!

Now mind you, I can't make the house too clean.  I read once somewhere that the nicest thing you can do when you invite a friend over is to not clean your house.  I guess the thinking is that if your house is messier than hers, she'll feel better about herself and her home or something along those lines.

We have to find that right balance where we treat our guests well and make them feel special, but also allow our guests to see the real us.  Flaws and all.

Fingerprints on the bathroom mirror.
A stain in the carpet.
Dust on the entertainment center.
A laundry room full of laundry.
Christmas decor still up in February (ahem).

Being authentic in our homes encourages us to be authentic in our conversations.
Opening up our homes helps us open up ourselves.
Being real about stains makes us more likely to be real about our struggles.

And I think deep down we all long for those friendships where we can be honest about ourselves and our trials, our questions and our concerns.  I hope tomorrow's dinner is a step toward that realness.

But, mark my words, that cash register will get put away.

I survived!

The other day, my husband went out of town for work. Normally when he's gone overnight, by default I just go stay at my parents' house. This time though I decided I should try to stay home and try to manage life (and Catherine) by myself.  Or sort of by myself.

Day One:  morning we went to a friend's house for a play-date.  Then my sis-in-law and her kiddos came over for the afternoon.  Catherine and I went out for dinner together in the evening.

Day Two:  my folks came over to keep us company.

Other than the random car that decided to pull in our driveway after 11:30 at night for a couple minutes that felt like hours, all was fine.  Oh, and then there was Catherine's 1 AM wake-up and crying with a cough and fever...

But we survived.

We (me, SIL, and Mom) spent our time working hard, totally rearranging and cleaning a couple rooms to surprise Josh.

We kind of have two living rooms here in the Old Yellow Farmhouse.  So, one we call The Living Room, and one we call The Front Room.  But sometimes I forget which is which because either one could be appropriately referred to as the front room.  I don't really remember my reasoning behind the terminology when we named them awhile after moving into this house back in 2012, but it's what we do.

So, we swapped some furniture between the two rooms and rearranged furniture in the living room and cleared all the clutter out (sadly, a lot of it got shoved into my office at the last minute), and now we have two nice, tidy, clean rooms.  And I can actually enjoy them.

Our Front Room (there used to be a coffee table here)

From the Front room looking into the Living Room

These chairs had been in the other room

This massive entertainment center had been on the wall now with the matching chairs.

I've been studying and pursuing de-cluttering because, frankly, I have too much clutter.

Honest moment:  I have hoarding tendencies.  I have not been in the habit or practice of purging or cleaning on a regular basis.  It's sort of my shameful secret.  But I want to change it.  I've realized the impact it has on my well being.  And I've realized the impact that our home has on our family.

My family is of greatest importance to me, and I am trying to have my life actually reflect what I say are my priorities.  So, since they are my people and the people who God has entrusted me to care for, I am trying to live that out by taking care of their environment.

Now, it's only two rooms, and I've got eight more (+ two huge storage closets) to work on too, so this is a gradual process.

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with clutter and cleanliness in her home, so if you are also one with this shameful secret, maybe my coming clean will be of some encouragement to you.  Here are some of the eight remaining rooms.  Hopefully someday soon these will be their "Before" pictures.

The office/guest room

You don't have a play cash register on your kitchen table?

The laundry room; this room fills up fast with overflow!

You're welcome.  You are not alone.

You guys.  I STILL do not have a smart phone.

But now I have an Instagram.

It's so crazy that I just wrote that.

Seriously, for my first IG (how us cool 30-something year olds abbreviate Instagram) post, I arranged this great cup of coffee in my Magnolia Farms (Magnolia Market?  You know that whole Chip and JoJo Fixer Upper company) mug on my awesome second hand turquoise painted coffee table with our big picture window behind it and clicked on the button to take the pic, and it started taking video!

Ha!

I will never be tech cool.

(Ooh, try saying "tech cool" out loud a few times.  Fun.)

Hubs had the last 5 days off, and it was awesome.

Let's be real.  Sometimes I get so used to my routine Monday through Friday that when he's here I struggle.  But this long weekend was so great!  I felt like he was actually HOME the whole time.  Not distracted by work issues and work commitments.  And Catherine stayed a night with her grandparents, so we got to do whatever parents do when their child is away.  Yah know, binge watch episodes of Gilmore Girls.

But life is more than Gilmore Girls and Instagram.  Here's something a bit more meaningful:  my "job" now that my other job is over is basically my daughter.  I'm not always good at that job, but I keep plugging away because I believe it is of greatest importance.

Sunday morning while I was getting ready for church I mentioned to Catherine that I would not be in the "big church" with her and Daddy because I was going to be working in the nursery that day.

So she said, "Why are you working in the nursery?"
And since I was having a bad attitude about having to work in the nursery I sighed and said, "That's a good question, dear."

See, I am not gifted in nursery duty.  God bless those who are.  They are important and necessary people.  But I will never be one of them.  I am gifted in other areas and serve in other areas that are a much better fit.  When I'm in the nursery, it is not a good fit.  It is like a pair of too tight jeans.  You just can't be comfortable in them.  You're miserable when you sit.  You're not any better when you stand.  Your underwear starts riding up, and you can't wait to just get home and get them off!

Or is that just me?...

Well, after awhile God worked on my heart and He surprised me by having my fellow nursery worker that day be one of my newest fellow mama friends who I really rarely get to visit with.

So, later, with a softer heart and after coffee, I was able to have another convo with Catherine.

"Catherine, you remember how you asked mommy why I had to work in the nursery this morning?"

"Yah."

"Well, you know the two most important things we can do are to love God and to love others.  There are lots of ways to show love to others.  You showed love to your preschool classmates by making them Valentines cards the other day.  You and Daddy showed love to Mommy this morning by making me cards and letting me sleep in.  One way I can show love to others is by serving them.  I can serve them by working in the nursery and watching their babies so they can learn more about God by being in the big church without being distracted by having to take care of their children during that time."


It was like I couldn't wait to have that follow-up conversation once it clicked in my heart.  I'm so glad God gave me that opportunity to talk about love with my four-year-old.  I pray my heart is always open to other such teachable moments with her.  There are a lot of important values and lessons to be teaching my daughter, but since Jesus said the greatest thing we should do is to love God and love others, that's what I'm trying to focus on.  One real-life example at a time.

With a name like Very Sleepy Girl, it shouldn't surprise you that I am often tired.

Some days of being endlessly on the go, I get home and just want to sit on my Ikea Ektorp sofa, put my slipper covered feet up on my second-hand painted coffee table, and just rest for a moment.

But, a certain four-year-old in my house expects three meals a day.

Thankfully we've got her doing a self-serve breakfast most days, but that still leaves two other meals to prepare.

I just can't even.

Tonight I told Josh, "It feels like I'm drowning."

I don't know what it is.

Tonight's post will just be a jumpled up mess.

Oops, is that supposed to be jumbled?

Overwhelmed.

Sinking.

I say, "My plate is full."

Ha, it's overflowing.  Things are falling off my plate and making a big mess.

Decluttering isn't just about material objects in my home.  It's more than knick-knacks collecting dust, or toys and clothes that have been outgrown.  It's just as much as it is about decluttering my schedule.  Decluttering my commitments.  Decluttering my mind.

You probably saw this meltdown coming.  Way back in September, right?

I have way too many commitments.  Too many areas of involvement.  Too many things on my To Do list.  It's not possible for me to get them done.  So then they're constantly on my mind and nagging at me and hovering over me and weighing me down!

And then new ideas and new pursuits and new passions are growing inside of me.  But how on earth can I try to seek them out when my life is so stinking full already?!?

I quit.

I just have to figure out what exactly I'm quitting.  What I'm letting go of.  What I'll be releasing.

And how.  And when.

Things I Love Right Now

• pockets (sadly, 99% of what I wear doesn't have pockets.  However, I have a pair of pants that are thicker and, therefore, worn more during the colder months that has pockets.  Needless to say, I've been delighted to wear them in the recent days.)

• apple cider (I just had my first of the season.  Always a great fall staple!)
  
• updates from old friends (just heard from a friend from long ago in California)

• dance parties with my family (in the kitchen, in the car, at Charissa's reception... There has been a lot of family dancing lately.  It's so fun!)

• the phrase "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." (I am holding on tight to this one from The Nester as I update our home.)

• updating my Linked In profile (never thought I'd have any interest in this, and it wasn't my plan to even have a Linked In profile, but with my new job, comes lots of new things, and I've realized it is a good thing to boost my online professional appearance.)

• hearing Catherine sing (Lately she's always asking for a CD.  I didn't realize how quickly she was learning new songs until yesterday when she could suddenly sing about 80% of a song she just started listening to.  And it was from a CD of choir songs from my time in LA.)

• making decor updates to our home (in addition to changing our guest bedroom to my office, I'm trying to determine which furniture and other items we can part with.  I also finally painted our front door!)

  Ta-da!  Hooray for this Not a DIY-er!!

• embracing my unique style (Josh and I rarely agree on the same things, so it's not surprising then that we have different styles when it comes to how to decorate and arrange our home.  He has just started to give me more free reign, and I've been strongly drawn to some very unique things - artwork and chairs, specifically.  I'm learning it's ok to have my own quirky style, and it's ok to enjoy quirky things.  One of these days, I'll post pictures of the crazy unique additions.

• my boss (as I struggle to be a professional again and to figure out child care and family dynamics, I'm so grateful for an encouraging boss who sees my positive qualities and seeks to bring out the best in me.  It is a big time of transition, but he is patient and believes that family is a bigger priority than a job.)

mothering is hard.

fathering is hard.

life is hard.

i'm just shaking my head at my not quite four year old daughter's behavior tonight...

um, like a teenager's behavior.

this is payback for how i treated my mom as a child.  right?  it must be.

ugh.

this day also included our washing machine quitting.  while full of laundry and water.

and it was my first day at my new work-from-home job.

my parents were here to help watch C.

yesterday Josh's parents were here to help move furniture.

i don't know where we'd be without our parents' help.

this evening we went to look at washers and dryers.  catherine was not a fan.

followed by groceries.

and more work.

tomorrow will be easier.  right?

We no longer have a guest room.

Instead, this is now my office.

In addition to needing to spend focused time working on Women's Ministry and my Mamas' Group (have I mentioned I'm on the leadership team for that?), as well as wanting to spend focused time on writing, I now have a part-time, work-from-home job.


And I know in order to actually work, I need a designated place to do the work.

So, here it is.  Definitely a work in progress!  But it's good for now, and I'll keep adding my personal touch to it.

As for my job, I will be doing a lot of hands-on details in running a website for job postings in Northwest Indiana.  The marketing and social media aspects excite me, but I'm also very aware how much I have to learn.

It's been 3 1/2 years since I worked outside the home, and 5 years since I've been in something more like this kind of work.  In all honesty, I'm scared.

Late this afternoon I just reached a place of utter exhaustion and fear.  I suggested Catherine pick out a movie.  I snuggled up on the couch under like five blankets and let myself nap to escape the reality.

But I don't want fear to win.
I'm reminding myself that God made me brave.
God made me to shine.

The same verse I have shared with Catherine I now remind myself of:

Awhile ago I did these lists of "Things I Like Right Now".  I thought I'd post another.

• home decor
• "You're a Good, Good Father"
• re-thinking home decor
• peace
• baskets/containers
• re-arranging things from room to room
• crazy artwork
• rest
• space
• date night
• getting stuff out of our house
• Zillow
• pad thai
• watching football with Catherine
• small town Wakarusa, IN
• getting deals at yard sales
• Ben's soft pretzels
• the quote "not my monkey, not my circus"
• snuggling up with a soft, cozy blanket
• being encouraged, affirmed, and built-up
• encouraging other women
• "No Longer Slaves"
• finding my adventure
• a second cup of coffee
• deepening friendships