September 15, 2015

I promised myself after the last post that the next post I would write would be called, "Fighting Fear."  But instead I'm inspired to write something else.

I just sat down and exhaled.

Truly exhaled.

For what felt like the first time today.

And it's almost 1:30 in the afternoon.

I am looking desperately for balance and not yet grasping it.

If I had a smart phone or knew how to take (and FIND) screen shots, I would insert a map that showed my travels for today.

The day started off early, which I never like.  I contemplated resetting the alarm clock and actually enjoying a couple more hours of sleep (especially since my child was at her grandparents'), but I made a commitment for this morning, so I kept it.

I headed west a couple cities over for a new Bible Study.   But I know I can't keep that up weekly.  That is my reality.  I AM MAXED.  I cannot emphasize that enough.  And really maybe I just need to keep reminding myself of that fact.

After Bible Study I had to hurry off for a Shop the House meet.  This is a local group that meets to sell or buy items.  Kind of like a local craigslist.  We have been pursuing purging in our household, so this time instead of buying I'm actually selling.

Then I had to hurry to my folks' house, scarf down lunch/brunch (not that I had eaten breakfast), hurry Catherine along, and rush out for the next time constraint.


But before that, another new commitment:  picking up a classmate of hers.  So, I had to drive a new route, so focused on the newness of it all that I almost didn't see a stop sign and had to slam on my brakes.  That is so not me, by the way!

Then find the classmate's babysitter's house, figure out his car seat, and get them to pre-school.

Then we had to wait, since there's just a 5 minute window for preschool drop-off (unless you're one of the parents who ignore that rule and just show up, drop off, and leave whenever you darn well like).

After both kids were in the seats, and the classmate's car seat was out of my van, I came to the local library to hang out.

Because now I try to basically kill time for two afternoons a week.

So, I found the local library, found a table, sat down, and exhaled.


I don't know.  Are you getting any sense as to why I've been experiencing anxiety lately?

Last week I couldn't even relax during the preschool wait time because I was too stressed about having to stay aware of how much time I had left, what time I had to leave, what route I had to take, etc. etc.

This has to end!  Somehow.  Lord, help me.

(And I haven't even mentioned today's evening activities...)

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