I went to a really awesome Women's Retreat last week.  And it's got me thinking a lot about the expectations of being a "good mom" or a "perfect wife" or a "Proverbs 31 woman".

• own a big house
• invite people over often
• clean that big house
• make meals
• make healthy meals
• organic, gluten free, GMO free meals
• no fast food
• meal plan
• make freezer meals
• make meals for others
• bake coookies
• keep a full cookie jar
• have clear kitchen counters
• have granite countertops
• serve in the church
• nursery duty Sunday
• nursery duty Wednesday
• attend Bible study
• host Bible study
• attend small group
• host small group
• have daily devotions
• have daily family devotions
• have daily devotions with husband
• have a happy marriage
• have lots of sex
• have lots of children
• sacrificially give up sleep
• sew
• own a minivan
• drive other people's kids around
• take the neighborhood to church
• take the church to the neighborhood
• serve the less fortunate
• make memories for child(ren)
• have craft time with child
• give up coffee
• go to bed early
• get up early
• exercise
• daily laundry
• mop
• wear an apron
• wear makeup
• wear heels
• have nice matching furniture that isn't second-hand or stained
• have a queen or king sized bed
• . . .

It keeps going and going.
It's enough to make me crumble.
And weep.
And give up.

Because [clearly] I can't do it all.

The question I keep coming back to is "Where do these expectations come from?"

God never called me to be Super Woman.  He's the One I say I live for and care about.  Then why am I stressing about doing all these other things that He's never called me to do?

One point our speaker made at the retreat is that God's not calling me to do, do, do.  He's calling me to be.

To be His daughter.  To be in His presence.

Look at the Bible passage about Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42.
Oh, this story has always made me squirm.

Because, like Martha, I'm a doer.  I think of all the work that needs to be done.  And I try to do it.  And then I get ticked off when others aren't doing their fair share.

In this passage, Martha is feeling the same way.  And Jesus totally calls her out on it, and says she can stop trying to do it all.  He never asked her to do it all.  In fact He doesn't want her to do it all.  He wants her to just be.  To sit at His feet and to be with Him.

Oh, Lord, can I do that?  Is it possible to overlook the messy house and the overflowing baskets of laundry and the over-scheduled calendar to focus on what You have truly called me to do??



My friend Lisa-Jo just wrote about NOT Doing It All.  Her honesty was much appreciated and needed.  The part that impacted me the most was kind of some behind-the-scenes information.  The "story behind the photo" if you will.

A couple days prior she had posted a photo of her sweet kiddos all lined up in a row, sitting nicely on the couch, all happy and well fed with bowls of food in their laps.  It was cute.  Of course.


Then I found out the story behind the photo:  Lisa-Jo had just gotten home from traveling out of town for a few days to a conference where she was a speaker.  Though she was delighted to be home and with her kids again, she was also exhausted.  She got Chinese take-out, put it in bowls, lined them up on the couch with dinner and Netflix while she napped.

Can I get a "Hallelujah" for a nap?
Can I get a "Hallelujah" for such honesty?
Can I get a "Hallelujah" for takeout and tv for those moments when we just can't do it all and we need to be real and ok with that?

Another friend's husband recently posted "Judging by my facebook feed, if you haven't taken your kids to an apple orchard or a pumpkin patch yet this fall, you're a horrible parent."  Though obviously tongue-in-cheek, it puts into explicit words what we may be feeling tinges of when we compare our lives to those showing up in our newsfeed.

I can't allow others' snippets of life and snapshots momentarily on display to decide the expectations of my day-to-day reality.

Lord, help me to know what YOU expect of me.  May I strive for only the things that bring glory to you.

Not to get all Martha Stewart on you or anything, but I've just been more aware lately of these good things...

• my little family
• play dates
• hospitality
• girls night out
• community
• learning more about myself
• listening to God
• The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst
• pedicures
• a new hair-do
• weekly accountability
• new friendships
• Catherine learning and growing

• thanking God for my blessings
• the crispness of fall
• pumpkin recipes
• simplicity
• getting to miss my family on occasion IE time spent apart
• parents & in-laws
• having many of Catherine's aunts, uncles, and cousins nearby
• the tremendous amount of work my husband does for our family
• looking forward to Fall Break
  
  
  
  
  

So many times I hear or think about the phrase "In the wrong place at the wrong time."

I've experienced it too.

Not as traumatically as others.  As I reflect back on 9/11, it's clear many people that day were "in the wrong place at the wrong time."

You hear about these freak accidents of a tree randomly falling on someone.  Sadly, I am aware of multiple freak accidents like that.

Or a car crash - what are the chances that those two vehicles would cross paths at that same time?

But tonight was different.

Tonight I was in the right place at the right time.

And I look back over the evening and ponder so many things that put me in that place at that precise time.

It's Friday night.  We like to go out for dinner on Friday nights.  We went to our favorite local restaurant.  And we were famished, so we went early.

I think about our waiter and how he served us and at what pace.
I think about our toddler and how she behaved remarkably well, which allowed us to stay for an extended time.
I think about how I forgot to use the restroom like I had planned, which would have altered the time we left the restaurant.

So many little things that caused us to be in the parking lot at our car at the exact time we were.

Catherine was slowly (of course) getting into her car seat, and we were patiently (of course) waiting.

BOOM!

What was that??

I look up and over back toward the restaurant.  Oh man, a truck just backed into another car.  Or did two vehicles back into each other?  No, that silver car is empty.  Oh man, the truck just hit a second car!  What is going on??

Knowing with no doubt in my mind what I need to do, I start walking over toward the vehicle in question.  Wait a minute, um, he's not stopping.  What??  No, he seriously can't be driving away from such obvious, hard hits.

Another patron is approaching the truck and talking with the driver.

Was it his car the guy hit?  Does he know him?  Are they in on this together?  No, he's trying to convince the driver to stop.

Wait.  The guy is driving away.  What?  Somebody stop him.  How?  I keep getting closer to the scene, but the guy is getting away.

I approach the group of people there who had seen it and learn that not only had they seen this man hit the cars, but they also saw him stumbling drunk out of the restaurant.

My brain just keeps going.  Who do we need to contact?  What action needs to be taken?

I know.

It's been a LONG time since I've had to use it, but I know I need to call 911.

Between the few of us there, we are able to give a decent description of the driver and his vehicle (which included a dent in the driver door) and the direction he was going when he left the parking lot.

But time quickly passes.  He goes around the corner.  And is gone.

After the call I continue conversing with the other witnesses.  I walk back to our car where my husband and daughter are patiently waiting.  I know what we have to do next.  I direct Josh to go in the direction the truck went.

I'm not optimistic, but I'm determined.

We go slowly, scanning all driveways, parking lots, side streets.  And as we do, I'm so mad at myself for not taking a picture of the guy or his vehicle.

I had said his license plate number out loud, but only remembered a few of the digits.  TK and an 8 and 9 somewhere.  Maybe a 1, 5, and 3.

What color was the truck?  Silver?  Tan?  How can it be a mixture of both??

We go through a nearby neighborhood and look at the plates of a couple similar looking trucks.

"TK!"  I exclaim and then realize it's the start of all the truck license plates.  Darnit!

We search down one more side street; then my phone rings.  It's dispatch.  They want the info of the vehicles that were hit.  They tell me an officer is at the scene.  I tell them I'll go back to talk to the officer.

On the way back we continue searching.  Josh's slow driving was driving me bonkers.  He told me I needed to calm down.  I told him I would if he'd step it up a bit.

As we pull back into the parking lot I see the police car ahead.  And as we're approaching it, I stare down one more truck going in the opposite direction.  Dented driver door.  I turn around and see an 8 and 9 in the license plate!  It's him!

"Pull up to the police car!"  I holler at Josh, knowing time is of the essence.

"I think that's the guy!!" I shout to the patrolwoman.  She asks if I was the one who got hit.

"No, I'm the one who called 911."

She took my word and went off after him.

Fast forward a bit to another phone call with dispatch.  I gave them additional information, and the dispatcher said, "It looks like they got him."

"Really?!  It was him?!"  I thought it was too good to be true.

I was astounded.  Excited.  Proud.

"Sorry," I apologized for my enthusiasm.  "I'm just a fighter of injustice.  And I feel like tonight justice won!"  My eyes teared up, and I swallowed a lump in my throat.

After I got off the phone, I contemplated that maybe the dispatcher just made that up to shut me up.  But I figured I'd let myself believe it for now anyways.

Fast forward to later at home.  The police officer who I literally yelled at in the parking lot is calling me.  And sure enough.  She confirmed it.

"We got the guy.  You were right.  It was him.  He had a blood alcohol level almost three times the legal limit.  He's locked up in jail."

My heart smiled.  It burst with joy.

Justice did win tonight.  It may not tomorrow or the day after that.  But I'm going to enjoy tonight's win just for the moment.

When I texted the news to the other witness (the one who approached the truck, informing the drunk driver that he just hit two vehicles and was trying to convince him to not drive away), his response summed it up well, "Great to hear!  You may have saved a life tonight!"


Tonight I was in the right place at the right time.

But that's not enough.

It takes being in the right place at the right time, and doing the right thing.

I don't share this to boast.  I do it to encourage you that if you find yourself happening upon some form of injustice, don't assume someone else will fight it or let someone else deal with it.

I could have very easily just looked away, shaking my head, thinking "Bummer for them." after those cars were hit.  I could have taken the easy way out, thinking about how I just want to get on with my evening and head to Target.

I could have let the guy just drive on knowing he was drunk because how was I gonna stop him.  I could have viewed the whole situation as hopeless, not worth fighting.

But, I am a fighter.  There is hope.  And one person can make a difference.

There is victory for us injustice fighters tonight!

I find this so hard to believe, so strange, so bizarre that I have to document it!

A couple days ago I had a sudden, obscure thought:  I don't want to go all out for Catherine's birthday party.

WHAT???

Since when??

And why??

I am The Party Planner.  I love it!  I long for parties to plan.  I live for party planning.  Ok, maybe a slight exaggeration, but my point is clear.



So, why am I all of the sudden having these bizarre thoughts?

Thoughts like...

Maybe we don't need to provide a meal; that's a LOT of work.

Maybe I don't need to invite 85% of the people I know.

Maybe I should shorten the party time.

Maybe I should do less.

It was like I suddenly realized how hard party planning is and how maybe I don't need to put myself through all that.  Honestly, the last party I planned, I had to cancel the day of because I got severely sick.  And, there was actually a huge relief that washed over me after it was canceled.

Where is this coming from???  Who will win in the end?  The Party Planner or The Simplifier?!?

I will be the first to admit:  I have done a lousy job at keeping this blog updated.

But, as they say, "It is what it is."

Get past it.  I am.

~~~~~

My husband is a marathon runner.

Stop there.  I NEVER thought I would be married to a marathon runner.

I remember when we were dating he would occasionally run in the summer, when he happened to have free time.  I just thought, "Why???"

Even though it's not my thing, I am proud of him.  He trains.  He disciplines himself in so many ways.  He literally runs for hours without stopping.  That.Is.Amazing.

A couple few months ago, I was getting resentful about his running because it meant I was guaranteed "on duty" with the toddler*.  No other option, but me.  Stuck*.

So, a friend was gracious enough to loan us a jogging stroller.

Bingo!

(Sorry about the ginormous photos.  I have not figured out how to downsize pictures on my new lappy...)

I LOVE when the two of them can have special times together.  And no, not just because it gives me a break.


I am so blessed by a husband who is also a good father.  Every night, seriously like 99.9% of the time, Josh puts Catherine to bed.  He does the jammies, the potty, the overnight diaper, the teeth brushing, the tucking in with bear, and raffie, and big bear, and pink bear, and white bear, and polar bear, and dolly, and other dolly, and books.  SO many books.  The prayer, the singing, the rocking, the glass of water, the pink blanket, no the striped blanket, no the yellow blanket.  Ahhhh, life with a two-year-old...

Bless his heart!  He is good!!

The other day he forced encouraged me to take an evening off.  He said I should go out solo and do whatever I want - a relaxing dinner, catch a movie, watch HGTV at my mother's, sit at Starbucks, etc.

Wow.

This meant the world to me!!

I needed a break, and he knew it.

This weekend Josh and I get a break together.  Although I don't know how much of a "break" it will feel like to him.

He's got a half marathon to run.

My heart is heavy tonight.

Josh's uncle is ... to put it bluntly, on his deathbed.

It was not that long ago that we lost Josh's grandma.

Out of town family flew in this weekend.  It is hard to think that this is likely their final visit.  Their final time together.  Their final conversations.

What does one impart when on their deathbed?  What does one ponder and reflect upon?

These are questions I started asking tonight on our drive home after being with family for the evening.

It must be such a sad and scary time.  I started thinking about not just him, but anyone who has this time to reflect while knocking at death's door.

When they look back on their life what stands out?  What are their joys?  Their triumphs?  What accomplishments are they proud of?  What legacy do they leave behind?  What lasts?

What are their regrets?  Those missed opportunities and broken dreams?

It has me thinking about what really matters in life.

I've been re-focusing and re-prioritizing life lately.  And trying to actually live based off what I say I value.  It needs a tune-up every now and then.  A refinement.

The end of my life doesn't have to be a sad and scary time.  How I choose to live today can determine my thoughts and reflections when my time on earth is ending.

Life matters.  Every day matters.  Every moment matters.

1. I believe... in forgiveness and second chances.
2. The first concert I attended was... Johnny Cash.
3. It's important to have... friends.
4. I would love to go... back to Portland (Maine).
5. If I had more time... I'd get my home organized, but I'd need more energy too.
6. I like to... sleep.  (In case you didn't catch that whole VerySleepyGirl name of this blog)
7. Some of my proudest achievements are... student teaching overseas, moving to the west coast, and moving back home to the Midwest.
8. When I was a teenager... I made my parents' lives miserable.
9. Someday I would love to... get our upstairs bathroom painted.
10. My favorite thing to bake is... crepes currently.  Or would that be considered cooking?  I don't know.  Do you bake crepes or cook crepes?
11. What you don't know about me is... how badly I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life.
12. I once had a part-time job... babysitting at age 10.  I was so not mature enough for that!
13. I am currently working... for free.
14. My favorite celebrity meeting was... Mario Lopez!!
15. I like to drink... coffee every morning.
16. My favorite movie idol is... Julie Andrews.  "The hills are alive!!!!!"
17. My favorite flowers are... colorful and bright and vibrant and long-lasting!
18. I like to snack on... sweet and salty combos.
19. My favorite TV show is... currently Fixer Upper on HGTV.  I really don't want much TV, and we don't get HGTV, so...
20. I met my husband... officially in let's see here... um, working backwards, we were married in 2010, so... um, let's see, engaged in 2009, so 2008 I guess.  Is that right, sweetie?  (I'm not good with numbers/dates/facts)
21. I would love to have dinner with... a bunch of old friends at a backyard barbeque.  Oh, that may come true here shortly...
22. My favorite color is... blue in varying shades - mostly aqua and navy.
23. I enjoy... sleeping writing.
24. I attended... Christian schools almost entirely.
25. I am a huge fan of... Candace Cameron.
26. I collect... colanders.  For decoration.  Or as Catherine would say, "For pretend."
27. I appeared... as an extra in a movie.
28. I also collect... travel size toiletries from hotels.  Ha!
29. My favorite fruit is... fruit pizza!  No, seriously, I love lots of different fruits - honeydew, blueberries, kiwi, strawberries, grapes, bananas, peaches, etc.  But I also do love a good fruit pizza!
30. My go-to beauty product is... Burt's Bees lip balm.  That's as close as I get to "beauty products."
31. In 2009 I... went to Arkansas, Nevada, California, and Texas.
32. I recently... went through South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington for the first time.
33. I am inspired by... Pinterest.
34. I wear glasses... every day since 8th grade.
35. In 1997 I... went to New York City with my high school classmates.
36. I work out... used to work out at Curves and later a gym.
37. I'm a terrible... cook.
38. What I love about America is... how much there is to experience.
39. My secret snack... is anything after Catherine is asleep.
40. I adore... rain when I don't have to go out in it.
41. It's been a really long time since... I got my hair cut.  I was seriously contemplating pigtails the other day.
42. I'm so thankful for... a dishwasher in our kitchen.  Especially after seven years without!  Good things come to those who wait.
43. I don't want to... own a red car.  Too much attention from police.
44. I once forgot... how to spell "world."  This was last week.
45. I have... a great guy (my husband - just to clarify in case you were thinking Mario Lopez).
46. I wish I had... disposable income.
47. I don't know how to... play chess.  I once started reading a book on how to play chess.  I don't think I made it past the first page.
48. Yesterday I... ate a yummy Asian sesame chicken salad.
49. Tomorrow I... will get up and drink coffee.  The rest is uncertain.
50. I wonder... when I'll tire of chevron.  I also wonder if anyone actually read ALL 50 of these random facts.