Life is really good lately; although, I am sick with a bad cold.

This is the 3rd sick day I've taken from work. My boss has been good about it.

We'll see how I am tomorrow. Our new IT guy from HQ is supposed to come up, and I'm supposed to give him a report about how bad our phones are. I could pretty much sum it up into two words: They Suck! But I think my boss wants it a bit more detailed than that.

I applied for a job yesterday. There aren't many out there.

Back to bed on this sunny, beautiful fall day!

I'm in a book club at my church. We are currently reading and discussing Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster.

Last week's topic of discussion was the practice of meditation. (Point of clarification: the meditation this book is talking about differs from Eastern meditation. Whereas Eastern meditation is an attempt to empty the mind, Christian meditation is about filling the mind. Eastern meditation calls for detachment from the world around us. Christian meditation calls us beyond that detachment from the world to attachment to God.)

I thought it would be good to try practicing the spiritual disciplines as I read about them, and since we meet tomorrow, I, in all my procrastinator ways, decided I'd better do some meditation tonight.

I'm not gonna lie. It was a bit weird. It's not normal to me. It's out of my comfort zone. I had never done it before. I wasn't quite sure how.

What is meditation? The dictionary lists meditate as a verb to engage in thought or contemplation, to reflect.

The chapter of Celebration of Discipline talked about different ways to meditate: 1) reading Scripture and internalizing it, 2) releasing all the negatives (AKA sins) such as fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, etc. and receiving God's good things such as peace, love, joy, etc., 3) meditating upon creation and God's handiwork, and 4) meditating on events of our time and seeking to find their meaning and how you can be involved to show God's goodness and love.

I decided since the weather was SO warm compared to the 40 degree days we've been having so far this fall, I should go outside to be in God's creation. Because the homeschool neighbor kids were out, I had to walk down the block so as not to be distracted.

Lucky for me I live right by a river, and lucky for me (at least now; just wait until winter) I live in the midwest where we have different seasons, and this current one happens to be beautiful.

As I took my brief walk up the street, I realized there is so much beauty in this world. You just have to look for it!

• the humongous leaves
• the heart shaped leaves
• all the different colors of the leaves
• the mini pine cones
• the ducks in the river
• the way the river flows
• the way the wind sounds through the trees
• an old man with a pipe and walking stick

That man drove to the river, arriving about the same time I was walking there. While I spread out a blanket and all my reading and writing materials, he slowly walked. Back and forth, up and down the river. Never far out of my sight. He would walk and stop. Walk and stop. Deliberately. He would look ahead or look to the side, observing the trees, observing the river. It appeared that the man came to the river just to ponder. Just to ponder.

That hit me.

How often do I stop my busy every day routine to just ponder? To commune with God? To appreciate his creation? To praise Him for His guiding in my life? To contemplate where He is leading me in the present and how He will use me in the future? To deliberately set aside time to just be with God?

I read a couple Psalms of praise to the Lord, prayed for a family in need, prayed for Josh, prayed for me, thanked God for my family and while I did so I spoke out loud, specifically mentioning ways I and others need God's peace and strength and areas I need to release to God.

And I realized I had meditated. Not because I followed a list of rules and instructions. But because I, like the walking man, had put myself, my time, and my desires on hold for awhile to come to the river and just be. Pondering, reflecting, musing, contemplating, deliberating, and just being with God.

Today is a special date for Josh and me. It is the one year anniversary of when our souls met. Even though we had a science class together at Southwestern Michigan College ten years ago, it took many years, many miles of winding paths, and many various life experiences for both of us before we connected and came together.

I'm so glad God brought Josh into my life. Every day I thank Him for blessing me with Josh. I feel like we were made for eachother, like we are a perfect fit together.

Happy 29th Birthday to my Sweetie!!!

I feel like Josh does so much for me year round that I wanted to make sure to do all I can to honor him on his special day!

I showed up at his work and surprised him with lunch (his fave salad from Panera), a bright colorful balloon bouquet, and plenty of homemade pumpkin cookies for him and his co-workers.

Then tonight I took him to Red Robin where we enjoyed fabulous food, a free birthday burger for him, and a yummy hot fudge sundae from our amazing waitress!

We then went to the mall and went to his favorite stores and then spent some time talking at Starbucks where he enjoyed his new favorite drink, a skinny cinnamon dolce latte.

He received some ND football themed gifts including 2 tickets to this week's game against Boston College. Go Irish! I had so much fun putting the gift together, knowing how much he would appreciate it.

Happy Birthday, my love! Looking forward to sharing many more birthdays with you!

- I am looking forward to seeing Josh. Tonight is his first concert of the year. I like being able to go to all his concerts and be there for him. Afterwards we're planning on trying Dunkin's pumpkin coffee. UPDATE: Apparently it's a pumpkin latte. Hmmm, not sure if I can consume that much milk. We'll have to see.

- I am looking forward to this weekend's big game!! I absolutely loathe USC, so I really really really want to win. I got my wish to win against a team that beat USC! So hopefully we can pull out the W with this game too. I'll be honest though: I'm hopeful and doubtful at the same time. Make sense? Sidenote: I can't believe how much tickets are going for for this game. I never pay more than face value (and even that is rough), so it's a shock to look at prices people are charging and paying to attend (see previous link)!

- Lately, I'm just really unsure about what to write about here.

- I've been giving a great deal of thought to money lately. It pains me to spend money for anything beyond basic needs. Sometimes, though, I can't resist. Like this beautiful decorative mug/container that I found during First Fridays in downtown Goshen this month. It was a good price at a cute local shop, and it goes superbly in my bathroom, where I had been wanting more decorative pieces to match the new color scheme. I am, however, still waiting for the bathroom accessories to go on sale at Target! Seriously, what is the deal?!?

- Also on my mind lately: autumnal baking (for example, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread, apple crisp, etc.) and home decorating. These are areas I would love to actually step forward in action, but it seems so rare that I am actually a) at home or b) at home with energy.

- I feel like I've been searching for passion for years. Maybe that answers my question from yesterday. To summarize, I am searching for something, but I don't know what. Maybe I am searching for my life's passion. This topic is a bit of a touchy subject for me currently, so I think I'll just leave it at that. Anyways, my great friend and college roomie Becky frequently reviews books on her blog. She recently reviewed Find Your Strongest Life: What the happiest and most successful women do differently by Marcus Buckingham. And after doing so, she was kind enough so send the book to me! It couldn't have come at a better time. I have been warned to take it with a grain of salt, but I am eager to delve into it. Reading - again, something I wish I had more time for. Sounds like Donald Miller's book Searching for God Knows What may also be a good soul searcher for me right now.

Well, I am off to the concert! Leave some comment love if you feel so inclined!

I don't know why or what it is, but I am incredibly distracted. I'm missing human interaction. I'm thinking about everything out there that I am so far away from. I feel so unsettled. Antsy. I'm searching. I see so much beyond my little world, but I just can't reach it.
I'm trying so hard to find it - whatever "it" is. What might it be?...

• home?
• using my creativity?
• driving?
• being away from here?
• traveling?
• being with Josh?
• being married?
• being a mom?
• a new job?
• finding my passion?
• finding something that moves my soul?
• serving others?
• chocolate?
• friends?
• making a difference?
• purpose?

Any insight from my readers about what I might be searching for? Anybody else feel like they're longing for something but don't yet know what it is?

I have my life back!!!

The COP tour is finished. No more working late. No more stressing. No more anxiety.

It was, by far, my greatest professional accomplishment. I took it from having 103 people registered to having over 700 people come through the tour over a 2 day period.

While certain people are saying there were too many people there, I am trying to stay positive. This event was a success. Plain and simple: a huge success. That I directed/coordinated/planned. It's weird to stand back and realize that it was me, really me, who orchestrated this whole thing. Wow.

I'm grateful to God for blessing me with the abilities, skills, and talents. I'm grateful to my family who helped me - especially my mom, who spent more than a few hours assisting me as needed on some of those late nights. And I'm grateful to my boyfriend who put up with my emotional and mental absences and distractions over the last couple few weeks.

I'm using tomorrow for some rest, relaxation, and recovery. Very grateful that I can do that. And very grateful to have my life back!!

A couple few months ago I found some Wilton silicone heart shaped muffin pans on clearance at Meijer. I snatched them up and then hid them in the amazing built-in storage I have in my office/guest bedroom.

The other day I had a day off - what a blessing! I saw a matinee showing of "Julie & Julia". I absolutely love matinees by myself! I did laundry and work around the home and made sure to have time to do some baking.

I made heart shaped blueberry muffins for my honey. Next time I would add a tablespoon of applesauce to the recipe, but nothing beats heart shaped muffins! Of course I saved some for myself too. They made a great grab and go breakfast!

It wasn't that long ago when I went into a panic because we only had 103 people registered for this weekend's house tour. Suddenly I've tripled the registration, and I am overwhelmed with reservations coming in at the last minute.

All morning I was on the phone & email assisting people non-stop. I would return a call and then hang up, and there would be 2 new messages waiting for me. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb at 12:30 and never turned it off.

Tomorrow I will go back and have a million more messages to take care of.

I took a late lunch (something I've been doing a lot lately) because I was swamped. I met with a reporter for the Tribune. I ran errands for my boss. I worked late - til 6:15 and then went straight from work to church for a Home Management class I'm taking. A class that covers a lot of information and requires you to do homework. I can't handle homework. Not now.

Tomorrow evening is my one free night, so I will get caught up at home and hopefully get to do some relaxing. Oh wait, I have a bunch of homework to do. I can't relax.

Wednesday is a new book club; I need to read assignments for that in advance, along with FPU class readings.

Thursday Jay and Ginny and little baby Cole will be in town from Wisconsin, so I'll be spending time with them then.

Friday evening is Josh's high school reunion party part one.

Saturday is brunch at Jen & Andy's, then Debbie & John's wedding in Elkhart, then high school reunion part two in Niles.

Sunday I leave about 8:30 AM to work the tour and will be there all day. I'll go straight from there to our FPU class.

And then at 8:30 pm Sunday, I will crash. I just hope I can make it til then! I'm scared.

It's October 1st. Time for me to start using a monthly budget. But I have to come up with the budget plan first. I guess you can say this is a blog of procrastination then. I meant to do it earlier in the week, but I have been soooo swamped with work stuff. We'll see what I can come up with tonight...