People often go to church, thinking that's where they'll find God.  But often times God shows up where and when we least expect it.

At my weekly Moms Group we share "Selah moments" - taking the time to pause and reflect and see and share how God has shown up.  I was so excited to share last week about this . . .

At the end of our 3,441 mile road trip last week, we were literally pulling into the driveway at midnight on a Saturday night.  A long day after a long trip.  I wasn't ready to commit to getting up and around early the next day for church.  Until I remembered what was going on at a church in our neighboring town.

Baptism

There are lots of ways to define or describe baptism.  One way I would is to say it is an outward symbol of an inner change.

My dear friend's brother was being baptized, and I did not want to miss it.

After spending 10 years in a life celebrating sin, he had changed.  God showed up and changed him.  And I gotta say, I did not expect it.


I think of all the prayers prayed over all those years, and, to be honest, I did not expect this.  God showed up, and God surprised me.  I think God surprised a lot of people with this one.

So, I wanted to be there to celebrate.

And I wasn't the only one.

Catherine has been really curious about baptism lately.  When she heard there was going to be a baptism, she wanted to be there too.

It was a powerful service, and the Spirit was stirring in the hearts of the people there.  People made decisions to follow Jesus, and people made decisions to be baptized.  Those being baptized shared their stories.  Stories of redemption, stories of forgiveness, stories of victory, stories of grace.  Stories of Jesus and the power of His transforming salvation.

And Catherine got to hear all those stories.  We celebrated with happy hearts, applauding hands, and teary eyes.

Photo by Amber Wilkinson

And God continued to show up.

That evening at dinner, as she had been doing for a couple days, Catherine eagerly volunteered to pray before we ate.  She started with her usual mumbled and quiet expression of thanks for the food and a simple request for a good day.  Then her voice became loud and bold as she continued,

"Please, God, can I come in your heart?  Please Jesus, can you come into my heart?  Please can you be my Savior from sin?  Amen"

Lifting our heads, Josh and I looked at each other, stunned and wide-eyed, across the table.  That was unexpected for sure.  I mean, it's something we have often discussed together and prayed for.  But I didn't think it would happen already or like that or totally of her own doing.

Well, her doing and His doing.

You just never know when He's working.  In the hearts and lives of grown adults who may have written off God or may have been written off by the church.  Or in the hearts and lives of young, spunky, strong-willed children.

You just never know.

I can't even tell you the number of times I have opened my laptop, opened up a new tab (in addition to the about 144 already open) to this blog, and tried to write.

There are so many things that stop me.  Fill in the blank with a number of excuses...

• I don't have enough time.
• I don't have enough to say.
• I don't have enough inspiration.
• I have too much to say.
• I have nothing "important" to say.
• I don't have enough focus.  Oh, the distractions, all the distractions.

But I'm getting past the excuses right now and forcing myself to post today - even if it's not that good.

Sometimes "good enough" is ok.

Sometimes "good enough" is enough.

I know my last post got a lot of attention (it's now the most read post on my blog), and I think I feel some unwanted pressure now to make the next post IE this post something just as noteworthy and dramatic.  But that's just not how I'm feeling right now.

How am I feeling?

Well, I've been feeling "off" lately.

We just returned from another massive road trip (if you follow my Facebook or Instagram page, you already know these details, right?).  It was long.  And good.

9 states in 9 days.  Slept in 7 of those states.  3,441 miles later we returned home

And it's been so hard to adjust to being back.  Back to normal life.

But getting back into the routine of pre-school and my mama's group is helping.

Josh is in his super busy season where he's doing eleven and a half hour days.  I'm having to come up with lots of things to do to get through the days.  Fortunately, this season doesn't last much longer.

We were recipients of amazing hospitality from friends as we traveled in Iowa, Nebraska, and Montana.  I got to spend a lot of time reading too, which I have only recently started really enjoying.

The Fringe Hours by Jessica Turner
Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist
And It Was Beautiful by Kara Tippetts

The trip itself was rather last-minute, and I realized in the midst of it just how unprepared we were, but I'm so glad we did it.  Gotta take advantage of the Spring Break perk Hubby gets as a teacher!

We saw some beautiful parts of our country (as well as some really boring parts, to be honest), and it was fun to see Catherine experience it.  She was 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 for our previous trips and didn't really remember them.  We all started off a little rocky, but I was impressed by how well she did.  Some times she was even content just to sit there - with no entertainment of books or toys or games!



Until the next adventure!

I've attempted multiple blog posts in the last few days.
But things have just been off.
The timing.
Availability.
Computer and photo issues.
Inspiration.

And this blog post I didn't plan to write.

But sometimes the feelings are too great to keep inside.
The thoughts and the pain have to come out.
And, for now anyways, this is where they land.




It's just a stroller.
And a car seat.

But now they are officially for sale.

"Gently used" the ad reads.

We went gender neutral on everything.  Even though we knew we were having a girl.

"We'll have two and then see." was always our answer when people asked us how many kids we wanted.  Either that or "Two to four."

One was never an option.
One was never our plans.

I always wanted a big family.
Big families have more fun.
I learned that from The Cosby Show.

The last few weeks have been rough.
Too rough to detail.

Last week was the 5 year mark from finding out we were pregnant with Catherine.
5 years.
Thanks, Facebook, for the reminder.
I went to bed early that night.
Cried myself to sleep.
Feeling broken that I can't reach that status again.
Like my body has failed me.
Betrayed me.

My hopes and plans and desires have been battered and abandoned.
I'm left without them.
Laying helpless with a part of me ripped out and gaping open.


But God.

But God knows the plans He has for me.

But God will take all that He has made and use it for good.

And what was intended for the negative, God will use for good.

He is good and He is faithful and He is loving.
In the midst of my pain, He is my comfort.

I sing it.
I say it.
I believe it.
And I remind myself of it.

Catherine's first ride in the stroller

As a teacher, my husband doesn't do a TON of out of town travel for work, but in the last month or so, he's been gone twice for conferences.

I shared the other day about what I did while he was gone for the first trip.

Leading up to the second trip, I was completely stressed.

I don't know why.
Maybe because he'd be gone for multiple nights.
Maybe because they were predicting a blizzard just before he left.
Maybe because he was going to be gone over my birthday.
Yes, my entire birthday.

Maybe because he does all the shoveling, and I was going to be alone right after a blizzard and knew I had to find a way out of the driveway and knew I had to somehow clear the driveway for company coming over.  (Because, after all, a girl shouldn't have to spend her birthday night alone!)

Even the bobble-head owl has had enough.

Regardless, I was a mess.

The day before he was to leave we were texting.  I shared about how the weather was messing up so many of my plans and about how stressed and anxious I was feeling.

He replied,

"Don't worry about the shoveling. I messaged {insert name of man from church who has a snow plow} to see if he could check on you and plow you out so you won't have to do it.  I take care of my girls."

It was just as simple as that.
A reminder that I didn't need to worry or obsess or stress or try to control it all.
A reminder that he takes care of us.
He sees those he loves and knows our needs and provides for us.

Oh, how it reminded me of our Heavenly Father.
How sometimes I try to control it all, thinking that it's up to me to know what's going on and to try to be in charge of it all.  When really all I need to do is trust that He knows the situation.  He knows me, and he knows my needs.  And He will provide.

And sure enough.  At the perfect time, our snow plowing friend showed up and cleared the driveway.


Obviously I have no control over the weather.  What else am I trying to handle when really I need to release and let God manage it?

What might you be trying to control when you need to give it up and give the reins back to the Father?

Your job?
Your kids?
Your lack of kids?
Your passions?
Your future?
Your marriage?
Your singleness?
Your housing situation?
Your health?
Your appearance?


God, thank you that my life is in your hands.  Help me to remember that I don't need to worry about controlling it all.  Help me to give up control and trust in your provisions.

So, I did some rearranging in the "front room" and thought I'd share some photos here.  Ya know, in case any of you like seeing home details like I do.  Keep in mind, I have no fancy camera and do not claim to be an expert in any of this.  Just sharing a bit of the Old Yellow Farmhouse.

On the other side of our red front door is our front entryway:

Ta-da!

After spending about 3 or 4 months riding around in my mini van, these second hand chairs finally got to come inside.  The table is a great drop zone for mail, keys, whatever.  The tray helps keep it contained.  Under the table is a crock full of hats and scarves to choose from.  Kind of a necessity during winter.

Handy to have a seating by the front door for putting shoes on/off

Then behind the door here we hang coats and bags.

Confession:  I removed about a dozen sweatshirts and coats before this photo was taken.

Catherine's backpack goes here right by a basket on the piano where I put all her papers from pre-school.

I have learned the importance of having what I refer to as "homes" for every little thing in my home.  So, I created that home for papers early on in the school year.  I'm still determining homes for a lot of odds and ends, which can be really overwhelming as I tackle the clutter and attempt to get better organized.  But that is something I try to remember.  After all, if an item doesn't have a home, it can never be put away.  As a mother trying to teacher her child how to help clean up, I also have to teach her about these homes so that she knows how to put things away.

This shoe cubby is actually repurposed vintage chicken nesting boxes.  When I bought it second hand I didn't know what I was going to do with it, but I knew I had to have it.  (Sometimes I'm stubborn determined like that.)  It was Josh's idea to use it as a shoe cubby, and it totally works.  I love that we were able to come together on this piece taking something that I contribute for its beauty and using in a practical way thanks to hubby's contribution.  The basket is just an easy place for Catherine to put and retrieve her shoes, and it is way too easy to buy shoes (or anything really) for that girl!

Other things of note:  the curtains are from Lowes.  The rug I found at K-Mart after searching tons of stores unsuccessfully (I sometimes still can't believe that store exists).  I like having the letter H for our last name up throughout the house.  The sign above the door I can't remember where it came from, but it says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," and I just think that is a perfect place for it.  The table I think I got from my parents' basement when I set up my own place after moving back to the area.  The 8 gallon crock was from an estate sale.  The piano was a huge blessing gifted from a neighbor.

And that is our front entryway!  Any questions?  Do you have a foyer or are guests immediately in a room once they're in your door?  I always thought I wanted a foyer, but this works.  What's your preference?

I am a reluctant entertainer.

I always like the idea of being hospitable.
Inviting people over.
Hosting people in our home.

When we moved to The Old Yellow Farmhouse I had grand expectations of how we would use our home to welcome people in.

But I always had - and still have - a handful of excuses that prevent me from inviting people over often.

Inviting someone into your home is like inviting someone into a deeper part of your life.  Not just the parts you proudly share on social media, but also the messy parts that typically aren't exposed.

The part I'm not supposed to show

It's revealing.
It's vulnerable.
It's nerve-wracking.

But tomorrow we're doing it.

We're having guests over for dinner.

Of course I'm feeling all last minute frantic and insecure.  So, what do I do?  I decide the pillows and throw on the grey couch need to go on the green couch, and the pillows and throw on the green couch need to go on the grey couch.

For crying out loud, the kitchen table STILL has a toy cash register on it, but I'm swapping out decorative pillows.  UGH!

Now mind you, I can't make the house too clean.  I read once somewhere that the nicest thing you can do when you invite a friend over is to not clean your house.  I guess the thinking is that if your house is messier than hers, she'll feel better about herself and her home or something along those lines.

We have to find that right balance where we treat our guests well and make them feel special, but also allow our guests to see the real us.  Flaws and all.

Fingerprints on the bathroom mirror.
A stain in the carpet.
Dust on the entertainment center.
A laundry room full of laundry.
Christmas decor still up in February (ahem).

Being authentic in our homes encourages us to be authentic in our conversations.
Opening up our homes helps us open up ourselves.
Being real about stains makes us more likely to be real about our struggles.

And I think deep down we all long for those friendships where we can be honest about ourselves and our trials, our questions and our concerns.  I hope tomorrow's dinner is a step toward that realness.

But, mark my words, that cash register will get put away.

I survived!

The other day, my husband went out of town for work. Normally when he's gone overnight, by default I just go stay at my parents' house. This time though I decided I should try to stay home and try to manage life (and Catherine) by myself.  Or sort of by myself.

Day One:  morning we went to a friend's house for a play-date.  Then my sis-in-law and her kiddos came over for the afternoon.  Catherine and I went out for dinner together in the evening.

Day Two:  my folks came over to keep us company.

Other than the random car that decided to pull in our driveway after 11:30 at night for a couple minutes that felt like hours, all was fine.  Oh, and then there was Catherine's 1 AM wake-up and crying with a cough and fever...

But we survived.

We (me, SIL, and Mom) spent our time working hard, totally rearranging and cleaning a couple rooms to surprise Josh.

We kind of have two living rooms here in the Old Yellow Farmhouse.  So, one we call The Living Room, and one we call The Front Room.  But sometimes I forget which is which because either one could be appropriately referred to as the front room.  I don't really remember my reasoning behind the terminology when we named them awhile after moving into this house back in 2012, but it's what we do.

So, we swapped some furniture between the two rooms and rearranged furniture in the living room and cleared all the clutter out (sadly, a lot of it got shoved into my office at the last minute), and now we have two nice, tidy, clean rooms.  And I can actually enjoy them.

Our Front Room (there used to be a coffee table here)

From the Front room looking into the Living Room

These chairs had been in the other room

This massive entertainment center had been on the wall now with the matching chairs.

I've been studying and pursuing de-cluttering because, frankly, I have too much clutter.

Honest moment:  I have hoarding tendencies.  I have not been in the habit or practice of purging or cleaning on a regular basis.  It's sort of my shameful secret.  But I want to change it.  I've realized the impact it has on my well being.  And I've realized the impact that our home has on our family.

My family is of greatest importance to me, and I am trying to have my life actually reflect what I say are my priorities.  So, since they are my people and the people who God has entrusted me to care for, I am trying to live that out by taking care of their environment.

Now, it's only two rooms, and I've got eight more (+ two huge storage closets) to work on too, so this is a gradual process.

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with clutter and cleanliness in her home, so if you are also one with this shameful secret, maybe my coming clean will be of some encouragement to you.  Here are some of the eight remaining rooms.  Hopefully someday soon these will be their "Before" pictures.

The office/guest room

You don't have a play cash register on your kitchen table?

The laundry room; this room fills up fast with overflow!

You're welcome.  You are not alone.