I could write paragraph after paragraph, page after page, post after post about all I'm doing wrong.

Seriously.  I don't cook.  I don't clean.  I complain.  And I procrastinate.

Some days my daughter practically drags me out of bed.

I nag my husband.

I don't exercise.

I eat out too much.

I don't budget.

There are all sorts of failures in every possible category.

But, for a change, can I just focus on something I'm doing right?

I can't resist a picture of sleeping beauty.

Tonight with both Josh and Catherine in bed and me still downstairs working on an upcoming event, I kept hearing random noises coming from upstairs.
Curiosity got the best of me, and I tried to tiptoe up the old creaky steps in our 110 year old farmhouse.  Fortunately, Catherine's sound machine and fan covered up the creaking, so she had no idea I was standing outside her bedroom door.

What I saw and what I heard made my soul rejoice.

Catherine lay in her bed with her nightlight on, surrounded by books and bears and blankets.  She was reading aloud The Prayer that Makes God Smile, underlining words with her finger, moving left to right, row after row as she read her own version of the story.

I love hearing her read, seeing what she remembers of books, and what she improvises.

I love seeing her mimic how we read to her.

I love that she gets how it works to see the letters on the pages and know that they make up the words we say.

But what I loved the most is the message she kept proclaiming tonight.

Yes, she really fell asleep like that one night.

"We have to eat every good thing.  Like apples and oranges and bananas.  Chips are ok.  Hummus is healthy."  She's been really interested in labeling food as "healthy" or "junk food" thanks to borrowing my parents' The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Junk Food.

"We have to obey our mommy and daddy.  We have to do what is right.  We have to obey God."  I started thinking of conversations I'd initiate tomorrow to talk about why we should obey.

"God always loves you.  God always protects you.  He protects you during the day, and He protects you at night.  He protects you from bees.

"He is with you always.  You can talk to Him all the time.  He listens to you all the time.  And He loves you all the time.  He is our provider, our helper, and our King.

"He loves you, guides you, and protects you.  Jesus died on the cross for you.  And He loves you always.  He loves you forever.  As long as I'm living, my Jesus He'll be."

She continued sharing the same positive message, some of which was borrowed from I'll Love You Forever  also from my folks' collection.

It was so encouraging to realize that she's hearing the message.

She's hearing it from Josh and me.  From her grandparents.  And aunts and uncles.  From her summer Wednesday church program.  From her teachers at Children's Church.  From the daily devotionals we have together.

We're doing something right!

And this "something" is a very important thing.

The last few days have been very different in my life.

I'm installing more routine and more self discipline when it comes to my schedule.

Getting up and ready early (early for me, at least).

Being more present in my daughter's life, as opposed to my own tasks.

Devotions at breakfast.

Going to bed earlier.

NOT napping (ugh).

Less internet searching, pointless scrolling, or Bejeweled Blitz playing.

Less time wasting.

More intentional time spending.

More meal planning.

More simplifying.

More praying.

Today's sermon at church was about "Life With Jesus."  I soaked it up.

My weekly moms' group kicks off this week where we will be studying how to be a woman after God's own heart.

And, ahem, official announcement:  I am now organizing Women's Ministry at our church.

Yah, that's even surprising to me.  So uniquely orchestrated, it could only be God.

I'm spending this Sunday evening pouring into the organizing and the communicating, and the foundational details, while listening to chick music and eating yogurt (all while dealing with a 3 1/2 year old who is up past her bedtime, with a variety of "needs").

Josh is getting into the groove of his back to work routine.  And now Catherine and I are entering into our new routines.

This is not going to come easily or naturally to me, so hopefully writing about it will help me with some accountability.  I praise God for the changes He has made within me, and I will continue asking God to renew and reshape me.

I used to be a professional.


A professional what?

It doesn't matter.

A professional.


The point is that I'm no longer professional in any sense of the word.

I ran into my old boss randomly today.

At first I was apprehensive.  I didn't want to interrupt his work.  I didn't want to be a bother to him and his professional colleagues.

I was wearing a tank top and casual gauchos (as opposed to my dressy gauchos).

I felt under-dressed and inappropriate and inferior and not professional.

I felt like a stay-at-home mom.

(Sidenote:  have you ever tried to update your resume when you've spent the last three years as a stay-at-home mom?  Yah, good luck with that!)

This random run-in and a rough evening of parenting has left me longing for my past.


My friend Lisa-Jo says that becoming a mother is like breaking up with yourself.

I think I've only recently really begun to grasp the deep deep truth behind that statement.

I wasn't ready to break up with my old self.

I'm missing my past tonight.

The title I had.
The respect.
My wardrobe.

The fact that I was somebody besides mother of Catherine, wife of Josh.
The fact that I was known for my own accomplishments and successes.
The fact that I worked hard and had tangible things to show for it.


Motherhood is hard.  I failed at it tonight.

I told Catherine I'm never buying her a dress again.
Ya know, because she has about 30 and refuses to wear them.
(Update:  I've already broken this promise.)

I worked hard at my desk job, and I was good at it.


Motherhood is hard.

Believe or not, Josh is already back to work, and the local kids are already back in school.

This summer break was the shortest ever - 8 weeks.  We are so grateful, though, for that perk of his occupation!!

About the beginning of June or so, I wrote up a little list of things I wanted to get done this summer.  How'd we do?

• Purge (still doing)
• Organize (this is really slow going, but I'm working on it)
• Decorate (work in progress, but mostly comes after the organizing; also, this is really hard to measure/assess)
• Hang pics/gallery wall (nope)
• Paint front door (I've narrowed it down to 3 colors, and really 1 I think, but it's not the same one that hubby wants, so for now we just have 3 red paint swatches taped to our front door, can you say ghetto?)

• Grill pizzas (still gotta do this)
• Dentist appointments for all 3 of us (appointments made and scheduled for this week!  It will be C's first dentist experience!  She's excited; I hope I don't make her nervous.)
• Wonderland Theater (Josh and I got to see "Paper Towns" as a Thursday matinee - when all you can eat popcorn is free, woot woot!)
• Buy a new vacuum
• Buy a dirt devil/dustbuster
• Host a yard sale (done!  times 2!)

• Go on a couples trip (Josh & I celebrated our 5th anniversary with a trip to Michigan - Saginaw, Birch Run, Traverse City)

• Go on a family trip (sorry, kid.)
• Camp in our backyard
• Use our firepit
• Make smores
• Teach C how to wipe her bottom independently (a good thing to know how to do especially considering she starts pre-school in a month!)
• Get estimates for windows (ugh.  I feel like I need to get my house organized first.)
• Stain the back deck (ahem)
• Go to the beach (we went when Josh's Las Vegas family was in town; then Catherine & I went again with her cousins and aunt)

Sadly, there was no big family road trip this summer.  But maybe we can do some little trips on the weekends.  I know things will be different with Catherine now having her own school schedule to consider, so we'll just have to be diligent to use the time we have!