Valentine's Day, 2014:

I did NOT . . .

• decorate the house with red balloons while the family slept
• make pink heart shaped pancakes with sprinkles
• make heart shaped sandwiches
• make heart shaped pizza
• make heart shaped brownies
• make homemade Valentines cards
• buy Valentines cards
• buy Valentines gifts
• shower

Instead I . . .

• got a special treat with Little Girl - Rise n Roll donuts from the local gas station
• talked to her about who loves her
• thanked Jesus for His love
• danced, sang, and ran around with my daughter
• let her nap in mommy & daddy's bed
• fell asleep next to her and slept right through her getting up, going downstairs, and getting into a bag of pretzel m & m's
• woke up in a panic to discover her downstairs entertaining my in-laws who had arrived to babysit for the evening  (GULP!!!)
• hid out upstairs mortified until hubby got home from work
• cried most of the way to dinner
• was encouraged by my husband, calmed down, laughed, and enjoyed a wonderful dinner and an entire hour meandering around Target - ok, maybe the free wine samples at dinner helped too!

That's just the reality of my day.  We see so much of the Super Mom portrayed out there on the Interwebs, but that's not always the reality.  We Instagram the perfect pictures, not the mistakes.  I didn't want Catherine's chocolate covered face and shirt photo documented for all eternity (or until my hard drive crashes); I just wanted to wipe it up as quickly as possible as if it never happened.  We share our awesome moments but of course not our failures.  So when we inevitably fail, we feel it.  We feel it bad.  I told Josh I was feeling like a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.  Not only did my in-laws have to let themselves in to my house (fail) and find their granddaughter by herself (fail), in need of a diaper change (fail) and covered in melted red and green candy coating (fail), but they also saw an unkempt house (fail) and an unkempt daughter-in-law (fail).

I felt like a big pile of failures.

But not making heart shaped pancakes doesn't mean I'm a failure.  Not making heart shaped pancakes doesn't mean I don't love my child.  I can show love to my husband and daughter without heart shaped pancakes.

My love isn't measured in heart shaped pancakes.

Heart shaped pancakes are fleeting.


I know making heart shaped pancakes might be a fun memory making activity for your family, but I hope my love for my daughter can be felt with meaningful conversations and time spent together. 

Do I have anything against heart shaped pancakes or those who make them?  Absolutely not.  I love pancakes, and I'd gladly eat heart shaped ones.  Maybe someday I'll even try making them.  But I'm not going to let myself feel mom guilt for not measuring up to somebody else's ways of showing love to their family.

I really didn't plan on sharing all about today's failures; in fact, it's quite embarrassing.  But I need reminders that it's okay to have those tough days with the failing moments and the non-heart-shaped donuts.  And maybe, just maybe, you need that reminder as badly as I do.